Is it me??

[SeashellsAndDaffodils]

AIBU?

I am a mum of a 5 year old and live with my partner and the kid.

I work part time and he works full time.

I do all school pick ups and childcare until he’s home; I do all washing and cleaning and cooking. When he’s home from work he will be present with our child for a bit.

At the weekend I tend to ask for some time so I can properly clean the house which I can’t do during the week.

I always am made to feel unreasonable for asking for this time- it’s not leisure time, I don’t particularly enjoy cleaning but I do enjoy having a clean house (he doesn’t seem to care either way but I think it’s essential?).

I sometimes will book an activity for them to do together (with his agreement) or arrange a play date with our friends (his best friend and his wife).

He doesn’t like that they can’t just stay home.

The kid also always wants to be with me so I get that it’s probably hard, but I also think it’s important time for them too.

Anyway, am I unreasonable to want this time? He’s not overtly angry about it but I can tell his mood changes when I ask. He has also mentioned that he gives me a break by taking the kid so I can clean….

"the kid"?

You don't sound like you like them very much. If they are in full time school and you work part time then yes, I don't believe you can't fit this in during the week especially as it doesn't sound like general maintenance cleaning, more like heavier stuff if it's taking that long. I'm team DH.

Even when you work full time it's perfectly possible to keep the house clean during the week, and you are only part-time.

YAB massively U to expect everyone out of the way because you enjoy your cleaning.

I am a bit of a clean freak, and my house is always visitor-ready, but I would find you massively irritating on ruining everybody's weekend like that . I'ts their home too!

Of course you are not reasonable to expect them to go out so you can clean! What a waste of a life and of everybody's weekends.

Read the Organised Mum and follow her planning, you'll free your weekend and will start having a life

@Sillysoggyspanieli only wrote that as I originally was going to post on Facebook and didn’t want to be identifiable!

@25percentoffeverythingit sounds like it is me, then. I don’t want to be this way- hats off to you as I have no idea how you keep it clean during the week? I will look at the organised mum method, thank you :)

I do all school pick ups and childcare until he’s home
it's your own 5 year old, how much "childcare" does this require! Unless there's a ridiculous big drip-feed, nothing stops you from doing a 30mn clean of the house just because you have a 5 year old at home. Leaves you plenty of time to do things together -and at the weekend

a) declutter, declutter, declutter
b) never go to bed in a messy house. It's a 15mn job at most every evening, not more.
Then you can easily clean a room first thing.
Read the book/ website, it's worth it.

and honestly, keeping the house clean and tidy is so much quicker than having to tidy it up completely once a week.

nothing stops you from doing 1 hour clean a day, and none the following if it works better.

Now your husband has to play his part and not expect you to pick up after you, giving you more work! Or he's the one ruining the weekends. Goes both ways.

Thank you, this is really helpful! I feel a bit pathetic now, will sort myself out

You're not unreasonable at all. He most definitely is. I'm a sahm and my DH works full time all week. However, when the weekend comes my DH actually wants to spend time with DS because of how little he gets with him in the week. Your husband sounds like a complete twat

yabvuuuu to call your child ‘the kid’

how derogatory

I must say, it must be something about the wording in your post that has people backs up and against you. Any other post asking if they are unreasonable to ask for the other PARENT to PARENT while you do housework would be getting comments saying he was ridiculous, its not childcare its being a parent. Why doesnt he do the housework too type comments..

No YANBU to expect the child's parent to parent, no yanbu to expect the other adult in the house to contribute to cleaning their mess and doing some cleaning - regardless of working part time.

But her DH is happy to spend time with their DD, just resents being chucked out the house so that his part time partner can do more cleaning she could have easily done in non family time?

Yes it’s you. Daft that you actually want him and your child to leave the house every single weekend just so you can clean. You can clean when they are there.

I don’t particularly enjoy cleaning but I do enjoy having a clean house

Think you mis-read. OP doesnt enjoy cleaning.

I don't think it's unreasonable to want some time to yourself at the weekend and to expect your DH to do some of the childcare. I also don't think it's unreasonable to want to be at home by yourself for an hour or two. We have basically the same set up plus a 3yo and my DH takes them with him to do a big shop at the weekend while I stay at home and potter/clean/tidy etc

Oh right, didn't catch that. Surely you can just clean with them in the house 🤷

Can I just be so clear that the reason I used the terms I did was because I was going to post on Facebook originally and was trying not to use her gender as I was worried I’d be identifiable. I love both my child and my partner very much and am just trying to work out how I can do better for them both.

Ok so just say he either pays for a cleaner or does the cleaning. But even so he should parent his child equally on the weekend. You are being unreasonable if you insist this is outside the house, unless the child will not leave you alone (which is a bit worrying in a five year old if his dad is there).

She only wants me, ever! She’s very attached to me. Will play with her dad and stay with him but if I’m there she follows me around. Her play involves lots and lots of little bits, that’s what I struggle with as to clean I need to tidy first and I feel she should be able to play when she’s home without me banging on about tidying up. But I’ve understood that I’m unreasonable and need to work out how to clean throughout the week

And you and your partner need to work on her playing with him when home. She’s old enough to understand ‘no, I’m cleaning, play in your room or with your dad’.

I completely understand as I hate cleaning with people around as it all just feels pointless, but at the same time if you work PT I’m not sure why this needs to be a weekend job, if that makes sense.

Yanbu at all, he is their father 😭 - tell him that can clean the house instead and youll go out then!

I voted YABU because you sound like a domestic martyr to a husband who thinks work ends when he’s clocked off from his 9-5. Neither of these are good role models for your dd.

What she needs is for her dad to step up and pull his weight at weekends. Stop the cleaning and tidying ffs and start advocating for a bit more respect and support. Show your dd what self care means and she’s more likely to grow up embodying that, than being an unpaid cook and bottle washer for a selfish male.

@reversingdumptruckwithnotyresoni work school hours so ‘part time’ but i don’t have any time alone at home, if that makes sense

I’m sorry op but I also can’t get past you calling your own child the kid.