Is it me??

[SeashellsAndDaffodils]

AIBU?

I am a mum of a 5 year old and live with my partner and the kid.

I work part time and he works full time.

I do all school pick ups and childcare until he’s home; I do all washing and cleaning and cooking. When he’s home from work he will be present with our child for a bit.

At the weekend I tend to ask for some time so I can properly clean the house which I can’t do during the week.

I always am made to feel unreasonable for asking for this time- it’s not leisure time, I don’t particularly enjoy cleaning but I do enjoy having a clean house (he doesn’t seem to care either way but I think it’s essential?).

I sometimes will book an activity for them to do together (with his agreement) or arrange a play date with our friends (his best friend and his wife).

He doesn’t like that they can’t just stay home.

The kid also always wants to be with me so I get that it’s probably hard, but I also think it’s important time for them too.

Anyway, am I unreasonable to want this time? He’s not overtly angry about it but I can tell his mood changes when I ask. He has also mentioned that he gives me a break by taking the kid so I can clean….

What a bizarre set of responses.

I would bet all my worldly goods that the OP, who spends all week either at work or looking after her child, also does the vast majority of the housework. And when she asks her husband to take their daughter out for an hour or two at the weekend so she can have some headspace to clean the bloody house, he doesn’t want to do this because taking her out would involve having to actually look after her, whereas if they stay in the house he knows their child will gravitate towards her mum and he can stay sitting on his bum shrugging helplessly.

Tell me I’m wrong, OP. But if I’m right, you’re certainly not asking for too much, and in fact should be asking for a damn sight more.

Your DP has been out of the house all week and wants to enjoy being at home so you don't need to send him out. We all try our best to keep of housework every day/after work. A weekend clean doesn't take all day, even with washing, especially for 3 of you.

Do what you can, spend time with your family, go out, have fun, life's too short!

YANBU and people are being assholes on this thread. Most know damn well your wording is trying to be neutral. Although I will say, knowing your child's gender is not outing, so you could have just said he or she...

Anyway it's 2025 and there is no reason a woman should be doing the majority of the house work. You know yourself this is not right or else you would not be writing this post. Your partner is lazy and needs to be told his attitude is not ok. You are not wrong for wanting some time to yourself.

I'm not the one calling people cunts on the Internet 🤭

I'm also not the only one questioning how OP refers to her child, so not sure why you've taken such an issue with me and no one else.

@InBedBy10 how disgraceful to resort to bad language and name calling. You’re perfectly entitled to disagree with another poster, but labelling someone the c word is way below the belt. And probably made worse by the fact you didn’t even have the guts to just use the word, instead hiding behind a euphemistic version. If that’s how you feel, own it! Otherwise, you might be better advised to keep that vitriol to yourself. Edited to add @PeachyKoala please just ignore x

Oh, please. That's just derailing the thread. You can't be too dim to see that. Of course you are sticking the boot. OP asked for help and you decide to question her love for her child. That's a dick move. You know it.

You haven't been on MN long, have you dear? 👵

About 3 years, not that it should matter. I’m not overly sensitive or easily offended, just think there’s no need for that kind of post simply because you have a different opinion to someone else.

Just as there is never any need to stick it to a woman by questioning her love for her kids. Ever.
Shame. On. You.

Maybe try reading my post? I made zero comment about the OP, nor pass any comment on OP’s love for her kids! I simply objected to a poster calling another a cunt!

I think any shame here sits firmly with you for incorrectly accusing me of something I did not do! If only there was a chihuahua meme that fit this scenario….

Reported.

The PP was just saying that it's entirely possible to have a clean house and work.

This makes total sense to me. I struggled cleaning when dd was around and found it much easier when she was elsewhere. I prefer to blitz the house than do bits here and there. I now work full time on the condition that we have a weekly cleaner and dh and I do a top up clean at the weekend that takes less than an hour. You don't actually have any time to yourself so you're not unreasonable at all. Maybe dh would prefer it if you switched roles and he did the cleaning at home while you take dd out for a fun few hours if he prefers being at home?

Could DC ‘help’ you? I found with my son he’d want yo help, then get bored when I saw I was committed to the task and he’d poodle off and do something else. I think it would cause issues in our house if I was home more than DH and then needing cleaning time at weekend.

TBF it was this part that elicited the reaction;

"It sounds like you don't particularly like your child from the way you've written your post."

That came across as accusatory.