Is it me??

[SeashellsAndDaffodils]

AIBU?

I am a mum of a 5 year old and live with my partner and the kid.

I work part time and he works full time.

I do all school pick ups and childcare until he’s home; I do all washing and cleaning and cooking. When he’s home from work he will be present with our child for a bit.

At the weekend I tend to ask for some time so I can properly clean the house which I can’t do during the week.

I always am made to feel unreasonable for asking for this time- it’s not leisure time, I don’t particularly enjoy cleaning but I do enjoy having a clean house (he doesn’t seem to care either way but I think it’s essential?).

I sometimes will book an activity for them to do together (with his agreement) or arrange a play date with our friends (his best friend and his wife).

He doesn’t like that they can’t just stay home.

The kid also always wants to be with me so I get that it’s probably hard, but I also think it’s important time for them too.

Anyway, am I unreasonable to want this time? He’s not overtly angry about it but I can tell his mood changes when I ask. He has also mentioned that he gives me a break by taking the kid so I can clean….

@TheRealGoosei understand how it reads now, but was just typing quickly and trying to not be identifiable. She’s everything to me, I wouldn’t ever be derogatory towards her on purpose.

Ok well they don’t need to be out the house,and you can take it in turns to do rooms and childcare. I worked full time and kept a clean house,,like millions of others and never needed the house empty

if you just want alone time just own it;

What I think is unreasonable is you doing all the cleaning, he should be doing his half as well. Maybe if you both cleaned together it would be done quicker and you can have some family/fun time on the weekend.

I also don’t think you get to demand they leave every saturday morning so you can be alone; if you’re struggling and need alone time, you go out.

you are probably over-cleaning. Otherwise, you all need to help. Eg, set aside time on Saturday morning for an hour and you all take part. That includes the child. A five year old should be able to tidy their own stuff, at the very least.

Yes its you.

I work FT as does my DH both in very demanding roles. We manage to keep the house clean during the week so there's no weekend cleaning to do really with two children, two dogs and two cats.

It sounds like you don't particularly like your child from the way you've written your post.

I have serious doubt over the usefulness of a 5 year old to clean a house 😂

Yes, they learn the basics but come on

I think you do sound a bit precious about the cleaning.

However I think that both of you should get some “me” time at the weekends. We used to give each other at least an hour to spend as we chose when our kids were younger, I either went for a swim, a coffee or had a nap!

If cleaning is your “me time” I don’t think you are being U. But maybe you could discuss it with him, he gets to choose his own “me time” activity and also gets to choose what he does with your DD (again my partner enjoyed swimming with our kids, or took them to see relatives on his side of the family). I don’t think I would have enjoyed being turfed out of the house just for cleaning.

Is this what it is op? You’ve written this that your husband is selfish and lazy and you need time so you can clean. And your daughter is clingy and you can’t do the chores during thr week. Is it you just want me time and are using this as the excuse? If that’s it then you need to talk to your husband and explain that. You both should have me time.

OP, it's so much easier cleaning the house when nobody is about, very much so! And sorry that partner can't switch this time together around in his head, dad-daughter time for a few hours at the weekend is great for bonding and I bet she'll start to remember those days fondly as she grows, dad too! I don't think you're being unreasonable and if he really hates it, then something is wrong with him - he can clean instead and you go out?

I think you are totally reasonable to ask him to occupy his own child for a few hours while you clean for the family.

I don't think you are reasonable in insisting they go out of the house while you do this, if they don't want to.

Why can't you clean with them in the house? Presumably you only do one room at a time - can't they just be on a different room from the one you are cleaning?

If my husband was telling me to take the kids and get out of the house so he could clean in peace every weekend, I would tell him to get lost

I think suggesting she dislikes her child is a bit much, to be fair!

I think she is a bit unreasonable but I wouldn't lightly accuse anyone of that, on such scant evidence too!

Thanks for all input.
i will work on how I manage cleaning and chat to him about doing his bit too.
i do love my child (and like her!!) very much.
clearly I have some catching up to do on household management, and that’s why I asked the question- so I can make sure that both my partner and my child are happy, and that we have a clean home to live in. Thanks for the input

Are you married? Who owns the house'if you're not renting?

Could you get a cleaner

@SeashellsAndDaffodils

Christ on a bike.

No, you don't need to be more organized.
You do lots.
Your partner needs to step the hell up.

He can clean the bathroom and hoover one night week. He can do a load of laundry another. He can find a task each night to help run the household.

He doesn't get a medal for minding the child you share to give you a break (ffs?) so you can clean your house on a Saturday. He's not a bloody hero for that. And he pouts about it anyway.

He needs to get it through his head he is still responsible for cleaning, cooking and looking after your child.

You are not meant to bust your ass non-stop.
When do you get "you" time?
When do you go out on a play date and leave the house on a Saturday so your partner can clean the whole house?

I think people have made valuable points about your cleaning and how it affects the household, and your partner’s responsibility or household tasks too. But I want to add that I think you’re right that it is important for him to have one on one time with your DC, especially if she is particularly attached to you.

If his desire to stay in the house is so he can use the TV to “babysit her” or otherwise not engage with her - this a problem for your family that’s bigger than your desire to clean without anyone around.

I can see both sides. You absolutely need some time off and he needs to be more hands on with Dc. However asking them both to leave the house to facilitate a deep clean isn't reasonable. Isn't that what we would all like? Putting on our favourite music and getting stuck in. The hardest part is constantly doing bits and never getting it done. I found myself constantly checking things unable to relax. I eventually made a diary and it helped me, eg Thursday do bathrooms, Fri dusting etc. It meant i could go to the toilet on other days without mentally checking what needs to be done. If you are PT and DH is full time you can clean while DS is home, it should fit in everyone's schedule and then both do bigger jobs together as they arise. I'm in a similar situation re work hours and i always say to DH I'm not asking you to do more work but I am asking that you don't make more work for me. I don't pick up after him or do things specifically for him, but I do the majority of the housekeeping.

OP, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. He should be able to find a hobby or activity that takes them out of the house on a Saturday morning for an hour. Even if it’s just a walk into town and getting a coffee, or swimming. There are hundreds of things that he could do with that time while you clean the house.

"The kid" ? Once was enough. This is your son or daughter, your child, not just 'the kid'.

You sound so off hand about him or her.

Other than that, your partner is unreasonable. Employ someone to come in and clean once a week or even once a fortnight, it will give you a break and won't break the bank. I did that when I had a young child and worked part time. The house was cleaned for me while I was at work and when i came home, it was pristine, smelled beautiful and everything gleaming.

How good they are at cleaning isn’t the point. They should be taking part, at least the tidying. They can and should be given jobs to do. Even a three-year-old should.

Yeah I think if hiding gender you’d normally say my child our our child, something that signals possession. This is the first time I’ve seen a parent refer to their child as the kid, and compounded by the question focusing on effectively getting the child and husband out the house. I think that’s why people have reacted badly , but not everyone is good with English, and maybe the op struggles.

What relevance is that?

Just wondering if OP is doing all the housework and working part time to facilitate housework, childcare and probably partners working hours to the detriment of her own financial well being eg pension and home ownership
Partner doesn't sound like a keeper