Would you have still gone on your girls night?

[Croata]

Dh (33) is doing crazy hours at work as he is hoping to get a promotion. He has done so for the past 3 or 4 months. I accept it as it’s not forever.

We had date plans but the morning of dh told me he was going to have to work late. It’s annoying. But it is what it is. I ended up convincing a friend to go out for drinks.

Anyway, dh came home at around 7pm to “surprise me” as he felt guilty. But I told him that he should’ve rang as my friend was now on the train into the city. WAY too late to cancel. Plus I had a full face of make up on. Dh says things like “go on come up with an excuse”/“it’s been ages since we last spent time together”. I said I would try to get home early (didn’t end up happening).

My mum and I were speaking and she thinks I should have prioritised my husband and marriage 😂. Honestly it did not even enter my mind to cancel plans with friend (we had a great time).

Im assuming most would do as I did.

Just curious what you would do.

Dh knows I probably wouldn’t want to stay in on a Friday night

Not unreasonable! I’d be fuming if I was the friend who was cancelled on when I’m already on my way

I would have done what you did! Carried on with my night out.

I wouldn’t have cancelled on my friend. Your friend stepped up last minute and got on a train to do something with you, so to cancel would have been mean.
I probably would have felt guilty when my husband tried to do something nice, but to be honest my partner wouldn’t want me to cancel on a friend in this situation either!

I'd do the same as you OP, your husband is a twit for not messaging you sooner, especially if he knew you were making alternative plans with a friend.

Friend initially was going to stay in a binge watch a show. So I would have messed her around massively.

“Bye Felicia!”

Your mother and husband are idiots.

I'd have gone out with my friend instead especially as they were already on their way. My DH would have been totally fine with me doing that...zero issue

You definitely did the right thing. I don’t actually believe that your husband can home early to ‘surprise you’ either. He probably just came home as soon as his boss walked out the door. I’d also be questioning why he has to ‘put in the hours’ to get a promotion. He’s either good at his job or he’s not. I wouldn’t want to work at a place that counts presentism as a good work ethic.

If he wants he can join you and friend on night out? But you can't cancel the friend when she's on her way just because he came home without telling you.

You could've already been out two cities away?!

Your dh thinking that you were going to be sitting at home all night when he cancelled on you is very presumptuous of him.

Maybe next time he keeps in mind that him cancelling plans you aren’t the type to stay in waiting for him just in case

Good lesson for him to learn

Yes, cancelling on a mate who had a/ already changed her plans to accommodate you and b/ was on the way to meet you would be the height of unreasonableness and you may well have found yourself as an ex friend

It’s odd because normally dh views my independence as a good thing. He likes that I go to the gym, meet up with friends, have a couple of hobbies etc.

It’s poor form to drop a friend at the last minute because your husband hasn’t thought through the logistics of his ‘surprise’ from your POV. Not his fault he thought he’d have to work late in the first place, but a bit dopey or unaware to not think you were likely to have made other plans.

Your mother is of course incorrect and your DH is out of order guilt tripping you.

Hope you had a good night!

Sisters before misters.

100 u did the right thing

You done the right thing. Will teach your dh a valuable lesson!

I was brought up to believe that you dont drop a social engagement unless its a real emergency like genuine illness etc. You dont let down the person you agreed to meet because something better came up. Instead you explain to the second person that you already made arrangements. I would have been right royally pissed of if I was the friend on my way to the meeting and you texted to cancel. It says something small and shabby about your partner's character that he would suggest this.

I once had a work colleague like this. We had socialised outside work (in a friendly way) and one day he phoned to ask if he and his friends could come around that evening. He said they would bring wine and pizza. I agreed and looked forward to the evening. At lunch I went out bought more wine, fruit and cheese. I did not think it was hospitable to have people bring their own food, even when they invited themselves. Later that day he cancelled at short notice because his parents had invited them out. It has simply not occurred to him to explain to them that they already made an arrangement. When I took him to task he said "The world is changing fast and you have some very old fashioned ideas." I told him that the world may be changing but good manners and keeping your word are never out of style."

I never forgave him or trusted him again. Because of this people were wary of inviting him for social events and nightd out, knowing there was a good chance he would not turn up.

He’s putting a promotion that might not happen above anything else so no I wouldn’t cancel my plans for him when it suits him.

God, no he couldn’t!

Working super hard in the hope of a promotion is a tactic that could easily backfire….

Would not have cancelled my plans to see the friend and my husband would not have expected me to. But I would doubt that, if the positions were reversed, any guy would cancel a friend who was already en route because his wife appeared. If he is still miffed ask him if would have cancelled his friend in that situation. Don't let him or your mum make you doubt yourself...cancelling in a friend is not who you are and not who you are about to turn into.

If your husband is really working crazy hours for 3 or 4 months in the hope of getting a promotion I would be giving him a “sense check”.

Anywhere that requires people to do that is taking the piss.

You can’t cancel if she’s already on her way … that’s awful.