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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have still gone on your girls night?

58 replies

Croata · 29/11/2025 13:48

Dh (33) is doing crazy hours at work as he is hoping to get a promotion. He has done so for the past 3 or 4 months. I accept it as it’s not forever.

We had date plans but the morning of dh told me he was going to have to work late. It’s annoying. But it is what it is. I ended up convincing a friend to go out for drinks.

Anyway, dh came home at around 7pm to “surprise me” as he felt guilty. But I told him that he should’ve rang as my friend was now on the train into the city. WAY too late to cancel. Plus I had a full face of make up on. Dh says things like “go on come up with an excuse”/“it’s been ages since we last spent time together”. I said I would try to get home early (didn’t end up happening).

My mum and I were speaking and she thinks I should have prioritised my husband and marriage 😂. Honestly it did not even enter my mind to cancel plans with friend (we had a great time).

Im assuming most would do as I did.

Just curious what you would do.

Dh knows I probably wouldn’t want to stay in on a Friday night

OP posts:
illsendansostotheworld · 03/12/2025 20:31

Pancakeorcrepe · 01/12/2025 16:56

This is an excellent little lesson for your husband. You are not a support object waiting for him at home for him to pick up and put down whenever he fancies. He cancelled on you first, that’s it.

Absolutely this!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 03/12/2025 20:51

Your husband and mum are being ridiculous. Pressurising you to let a friend down last minute because of his poor planning is not on. And prioritising someone in general isn't the same as doing whatever they want whenever they want.

Ineffable23 · 03/12/2025 20:53

He has cancelled on you, you made other plans. It's very poor form to then cancel those because you've had a better offer. I think you did the right thing.

AlwaysHopefull89 · 03/12/2025 20:55

You done the right thing don’t worry OP.

BrightGreenPoet · 06/12/2025 13:59

YANBU You're a good friend and a good person for keeping your word.

You can't surprise someone with plans and then try and make them feel guilty if they won't cancel the plans they already have, what's wrong with your husband? What an ass.

Your husband and mother are totally unreasonable. If it ever happens again, your husband should take your mother out and have some in-law bonding time.

BeaKiddo · 08/12/2025 09:38

MyMiniMetro · 02/12/2025 14:03

Did you tell him that you were gonna go out with a girlfriend instead?

If not, then you are both to blame here.

His letting you down wasn’t great and in his mind you were sat at home upset. So he does his best to get away early enough to go out. He didn’t give you a heads up he’d be able to go out after all. Not great.

You didn’t want to sit around feeling sorry for yourself so you made plans with a girlfriend and I can only assume that you didn’t mention that to him. That’s on you. If you could message your friend, you could send a quick message to your partner to say ‘ such and such is coming down and we’re gonna head out for a girls night.’

In that scenario as it’s half on you, I would be inclined to invite him along.

If you did mention it to him and he turned up at 7 expecting you to just drop your friend that’s really really not on, and sounds a bit insecure and controlling and probably needs relationship counselling to get to the bottom of.

Umm. No. OPs husband sounds like a covert narcissist to me, they expect their partner to be available 24/7. They also like to keep you at home and guilt trip you if you DO go out. And once you have kids, they don't like you doing anything without them, including seeing friends aka no social life. I mean, maybe he's not, but I see red flags.

99bottlesofkombucha · 08/12/2025 09:43

I think it is investing in your marriage to behave like you’re a person who matters in their own right and to expect your dh to recognise that. Well done op :)

Goditsmemargaret · 08/12/2025 09:44

I wouldn't dream of doing anything order than what you did. And no harm for your husband to realise that he has to make a bit of an effort with planning if he wants to spend time with you.

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