How old are your DC and how's your quality of life?

[CuriousKit]

I am in the thick of it with 1 and 4 yo DC. They are little and baby is still breastfeeding not sleeping through the night. 4 yo is good and is becoming more independent now. They bring me a lot of joy but I think I feel constantly knackered especially throwing in getting back to work, a qualification I am doing from work and chores.
DH is there, he helps but I think it's just natural to feel individually tired and sleep deprived. How's your lives and when does it gets easier.
I dream about doing things like taking them both to movies on rainy day, taking them to holidays abroad and actually enjoying them. Times when they can have conversations with me and we all can have good times together.

24 and 29. And wonderful. (Sorry!)

4yo DS and 9mo DD. So unbelievably happy with my family and with being a mum, albeit somewhat tired but life generally is awfully stressful at the moment with external factors. Days when I’m out and about with my babies are the best days, even better when DH can get away from work. I feel very lucky and, in some ways, I dread them growing up as it just feels they get further away as they get older! I always wanted to be a mum, that’s all I ever really wanted, a happy marriage and happy children, so I just feel so lucky.

My son is PDA and he's become such a different child since getting him the right provision and having low demand. He's 14 now and thriving. I'm hoping it's nice karma for his younger years 😆

So yeah, I have 12 yoDD and 14 yoDS. Life is great. I am a single mum, they go to their dad's every other weekend and some holidays. So I get best of both worlds, great kids at home and a single life.

I have a decent job.

Been diagnosed with MS this year.

But it's still the happiest I have ever been!

17 and 22 - life is fab, we’ve been very lucky with both boys that they’ve caused us very minimal stress through their teens, we all have a good relationship and it’s exciting to see the next stage (DS1 is hoping to move in with his GF post graduation next year)

DH and I go away regularly, love a city or spa break.

Life is good

Ours are 10.5 and just turned 4, and things are pretty good, our oldest has always been a naturally calm child who is happy to follow rules, so we’ve so far had an extremely easy ride with him, he’s essentially a 60 year old man in spiderman pyjamas. Our daughter is not at all similar, a bit bonkers and would commit actual murder if we let her. But still, she’s easily managed and generally very good 85% of the time. We get plenty time as a four, but also plenty opportunities for each to have some 1:1 time which we feel is even more important because of their age gap. We have some very lovely friends who will babysit, we’re also very lucky that my mum will fly over for 2-3 weeks at a time, so during that we often get a sneaky night away. I’ve just been made redundant, so my only change is being convincing when I pretend I’ve been really busy all day 🤣

13.5 and 15 I’ve waited a long time for this but I do very well remember the trenches of little ones close together. Honestly it does fly by and things get easier but I wouldn’t trade places with anyone with newborns/ toddlers !

I agree. I think what @RosesAndHellebores wrote was fine. Op is literally saying she thinks it will be easier when the kids are older. And that’s not always strictly true and I used to think the same. There are a host of other challenges. Things with my 17 yo has been incredibly challenging these past 2 years. I didn’t know whether she’d make it to 16 she was so ill last year due to restricting her eating and she also has a medical condition, where her heart stops beating (luckily not often triggered) and it’s been so hard to let her go off alone. And what I have had to do this past 18 months has literally saved her life. Personally this far more challenging for me than how dd was as a baby / preschooler. And she’s also possibly heavily masked autistic and the demand avoidance is high right now.

As for my quality of life, not great. I’m not a well woman anyway. I’ve just had more surgery having had several but minor this time. Still pooped. But dh and I can’t go away and leave dd alone. We couldn’t even go out to lunch 2 weeks ago (pre surgery) because I could see she was on the cusp of relapse and fast intervention was required. She doesn’t have the skills to look after herself yet.

It’s complicated and she’s not your average teen… and she doesn’t have a clue about everything she doesn’t know. Stuff most people take for granted. It’s like she’s had a memory wipe since she got ill and I’ve got to teach it all over again. It’s very draining. And dh doesn’t get it at all. He wants to pander to her when steel boundaries are required.

Mine are 3 and 7. I am pretty content with our quality of life. Everything is very busy but it feels manageable because DH is very present and hands-on (partly due to a short commute of 10 mins so he is home just after they're back from school), decent budget for clubs and activities so I'm often just dropping off, having a decent age gap so never had to deal with a toddler and newborn, and not working long hours so I have time for myself. We're in London and we all go out for street food meals, theme parks, musicals, films, science demos, museum trips, family raves and gallery exhibitions, so I feel I've not lost too much of myself as it's stuff we enjoyed pre-dcs anyway.

Did 12, starting to get very moody and spends most of her time in her room, she was an easy baby, easy child, very sunny and cheerful. Feels like she’s had a personality transplant recently. I crave her giggles and smiles again. Can’t say I’m enjoying this bit much, I kind of feel like nothing I do is good enough or I don’t deserve her company. I know it’s just where she’s growing up but I miss her if that makes sense.

Once they start school it’s a lot easier. Not just because they are physically at school, but they are more independent and can start to dress themselves etc.
Personally I never found young childhood exhausting, I found the mental adjustment much harder. And teens - OMG. The psychological toll that takes cannot be understated. My kids are great now at 20 and 22 - but the road to get there can be very very difficult.

I am so grateful to read this thread! I have a 1 year old and a four year old and today has been brutal.

I needed to read this today

10, 7, 5. No family support locally. About 6 hours away. Husband and I work full time. Its hard. Quality of life is good as we earn well, own our house , a holiday now and then. We both suffer with mental health. Im early peri menopausal. I feel like its a lot!

Mine are 5, 3 + 1.

I’m finding the 5yo the hardest atm, when I thought she would have been the easiest.

I’m really hoping it is just a phase and she will settle down soon because she’s actually making life unnecessarily difficult right now.

Aww they do grow up but in my experience they don't become more "distant". My brood of 3 are always popping back with their partners or friends. We send what's apps continually through the day about all sorts of stuff.
I'm so proud of all of them, love to be in their company more than anyone else's. Love that they are close and choose to meet up for lunches and holidays with each other.

Life is much easier when you have small children if you have a support network around you. Do you have extended family OP? Can you drop them with grandparents and aunties/uncles to give you a break? Make full use of every offer to help.
I also used to just do what I wanted and took the kids along with me, so Art galleries, National Trust places, Yoga, camping trips, outer Hebridean fishing trips 😂 I just dragged them with me.
2 have neurodiversities as well.

My youngest is off to uni next year, i feel bereft
I won’t get out of bed for a year

Aww they do grow up but in my experience they don't become more "distant". My brood of 3 are always popping back with their partners or friends. We send what's apps continually through the day about all sorts of stuff.
I'm so proud of all of them, love to be in their company more than anyone else's. Love that they are close and choose to meet up for lunches and holidays with each other.

Totally my experience too.

Apparently, according to my auntie, it gets easier when they get taller than you. Which was kind of true.

16 and 13 and life is wonderful. They are great company and we have a lot of fun. BUT… I’d turn the clock back and go back to the toddler days in a heartbeat so don’t wish them away. However great my teens are, I’m missing those hilarious small people full of wonder who wanted to get into my bed and read books

Mine are 21 and 17.5. Both are a joy. DD is at uni, independent, headstrong and smart. DS is working as a trainee chef and incredibly hard working, lovely to chat to and very funny. My quality of life is shit, as I have cancer for the 4th time, aged 54. It’s not fair!

I'm a solo mum and love it.

If I meet a new man it will be organic. None of this bullshit creepy men online.

Really tough up to 3.5 years. Then it just gets better and better.
Hang in there!

My quality of life was rock-bottom with a one year old. Life was just so hard. It only gets better!

17, 15 & 12
Great quality of life . Enjoy them so much although youngest is definitely becoming more teenager. We do have some moody moments but generally its a breeze compared to when they were tiny.
It started to get easier for us once youngest hit about three and gradually the tiredness improved and every day life gets easier, more independent etc.

Our DD is 9, she's fantastic. So much easier than when they're younger. Films night at the weekend. She can make her own drinks and breakfast/lunch. Have proper conversations about stuff. She's had a few problems at school. It's been stressful for DW at drop of in the morning, lots of tears but we seem to be coming out the other side of that. Life has been tough but not wanting to bore anyone that hasn't really been DD's fault. That's thanks to other family members that seem to think they're are priority number one. I'm sure a few of you all have those.
But yeah they do get easier. People always say you'll miss them being babies. But honestly, I don't. I hated all the blending foods, sterilising stuff, changing nappies, cleaning stuff all the time. Spilt food, spilt drinks. Raisins down the sofa cushions. Making sure they don't smash their head open on every corner in the house. Pushing a bloody pram everywhere and making sure to take a hold all worth of supplies every time I left the house lol.