How old are your DC and how's your quality of life?

[CuriousKit]

I am in the thick of it with 1 and 4 yo DC. They are little and baby is still breastfeeding not sleeping through the night. 4 yo is good and is becoming more independent now. They bring me a lot of joy but I think I feel constantly knackered especially throwing in getting back to work, a qualification I am doing from work and chores.
DH is there, he helps but I think it's just natural to feel individually tired and sleep deprived. How's your lives and when does it gets easier.
I dream about doing things like taking them both to movies on rainy day, taking them to holidays abroad and actually enjoying them. Times when they can have conversations with me and we all can have good times together.

Mine are 32, 16 + 17.
It does get easier, our quality of life is pretty good. Me and dh are on a weekend break to take in some Xmas markets as the teens are old enough to leave for a couple of nights.

Dd1 is 32 and doesn't live at home so we don't see her much but we're close, whatsapp most days.
The teens are good (I'm lucky) but the demands change as the get older. More taxiing around later at night but the upside is they're good company and help around the house.
Hang in there, it gets easier

My only is 4 and life is pretty great. It’s challenging managing the extra life admin that comes from having a dependent, but otherwise it’s so much better than it was when he was smaller. Just not having to carry all the stuff around and manage his nap and napping routines is such a relief. DS has real interests now, is fun to spend time with and chat to, and we’re just on the cusp of being able to do some real travelling and have some great experiences.

I have a 3yo and a newborn, so currently very much in the trenches with you!

Honestly it's a mix, sometimes my quality of life feels ok- coffee shops with a newborn on mat leave are nice! But overall, it's not the best. I'm tired, my needs come firmly last and I am overwhelmed by tantrums and right now, nursery bugs. I spend a lot of my days worrying about what the next "difficult thing" will be - an awful night's sleep, the toddler bringing home something that the newborn or I catch, a screaming meltdown at bedtime.

However, before I had dc2 I could see a light at the end of the tunnel with dc1 from the age of about 2.5. yes awful tantrums but everyone was getting more or less enough sleep, settled at nursery (and no bugs over summer!), fun to do days out with (not easy, but fun) and starting to chat with us. I am struggling now because of the added demands and worries of dc2, rather than the demands of dc1 himself.

Reassuring to see those with older children feel it has passed and they now have a good quality of life again. I am finding the unpredictably hard now- plan a nice day out? Or some time with DH? Someone's ill, or upset, etc etc. it's hard and I miss being in control of my own life. Going back to work in the summer will help though, it did last time anyway.

I honestly don’t know what goes through posters heads when they write shit like this. Do you get a kick out of it?

Well my kids are all adults now (34 & 23) but I'm only 51 as I started so young. Its wonderful.

The younger kids are great too!

There are always posts like this on MN whenever someone tries to talk about how gruelling little children are and I can only assume half of MN have teens with Paris Hilton like social lives, if that happens every single night.

OP, mine are now (nearly) 5 and two and it is getting easier although if I’m honest I do still question my decision to have two children. I love them both so much but I don’t feel I’m a very good parent to them both or enjoy them both very much.

Mine are 17 and 20 (latter at uni). Tbh although life at home is pretty chilled in most ways since they got older, they were always pretty easy kids. In some ways my quality of life was better when they were younger, as I worked very part-time and had more time at home and with the dc. I went back to ft teaching 4 years ago and I'm way, way more knackered and stretched than I was with young dc. I always found being at work much more tiring than looking after my own dc.

8 and 10. Life is pretty easy. I reckon we’re in the sweet spot where they are fairly independent, but have no teenage drama (yet)

The most annoying part is driving them everywhere and remembering the multitude of primary school things to remember.

I’ve got a 13 month old and life is very pleasant, but she was really challenging in the early months and I can’t imagine adding another to the mix.

22 and 15. Great quality of life, lots of free time to do our own thing but they still like spending time with us (22 came out with us last night, 3 of her mates tagged along as well, we danced and sang until 3am then she decided to sleep in our bed because it was too cold in hers 😂 she’s usually away at uni so was lovely to have her back). 15 comes to the match with us and hangs out with us when not at his gfs.

Having a decent age gap has always helped to not feel too deep in the trenches.

At least I wasn't as rude as you, and actually as a parent with grown up childrwn ot's a valid reflection about the teenage years and a very tricky stage of parenting but perhaps you have tinies and think yiur dc will be perfect teenagers in line with your perfect parenting.

It is actually extremely rude to tell someone struggling that they’ll long for those days. And self centred and thoughtless, incidentally.

2 and 5. Very very happy. I love time with them, they bring such pure joy.

@CuriousKit you are doing GREAT. One day you will say ‘we are going out’ and your kids will put their own shoes on, get in the car and put their seat belts on. THAT is life’s turning point. You will remember someone on MN telling you this. And weep a silent happy tear.

Mine are
31
29
20
15
12
11

Quality of life is good. The last 3 were close together (3 under 4) and it was hard work I remember being on holiday and me and dh just looking at each while trying to eat and meal and just laughing and saying WTF?!!!!

Also should add those early years were brutal and on the whole ours were pretty straight forward.
The teen years can be tricky but it’s much easier to deal with what life throws at you when your not running on no sleep and spending your days trying to stop toddlers killing themselves!

I have a 5 year old DS - I remember parenting getting so much easier with him when he turned 4. We have amazing times together .. can go out anywhere and genuinely have a wonderful time, we’ve been to multiple different countries around the world including a backpacking trip to SE Asia etc. Now I’m about to make my life difficult all over again because my daughter is due in less than 10 weeks 😁

In the trenches 12 month old , just turned 4 and 5 year old life is very hectic. I often imagine just having the older 2 and how much easier it would be but of course we all adore the baby it’s a very hard season.

For us, 5-12 were great years, they were open and interested in everything and parents weren’t an embarrassment!
13-16 was more tricky, they pushed boundaries a bit, luckily not too much.

Now they’re 20 and 17. DD (20) is a delight, independent and fun to be with, she’s more like an adult friend now than our child. DS (17) still mutters under his breath sometimes but is overall great, enjoys his hobbies and gets very enthusiastic.

So you have some good times ahead!

15 and 18, and I'm loving it.

We do things together that I actually find fun, have conversations about things that I actually find interesting and they help with a lot of the daily drudgery. Plus when I feel like being by myself I can, even if dh is not available.

It no longer is 'things that I would never ever do if they weren't there'. Of course I have lovely memories of them being little, but on a day to day basis I enjoy them so much more now.

In my experience each stage brings its wonderful parts and difficult parts. Mine are 17 and 15 now. We are in the thick of exams, hormones, uni choices, boyfriends… I miss the days when I could solve all their problems and when they wanted to be by my side constantly. On the plus side I can see the wonderful adults they are growing into and I do generally have more sleep (unless I’m waiting up for DD1!)

I think the older primary school years were my favourite- we had so many adventures and I could just take them by the hand and leave the house without things like nappy bags etc!

Ooh, or you’ll be on holiday and you will realise that all of those sweaty Saturday mornings doing swimming lessons will have paid off, and you can sit on a sun lounger with a drink and your book in peace, occasionally giving handstands marks out of ten - rather than actually having to be in the pool with them.

Ours are 18, 13 and 10. I felt like I was starting to get my life and ‘me’ back when our youngest was around 7. Just having that brain space to not be constantly preoccupied with getting drinks and broken sleep and childcare and activities.

It’s still hard sometimes but I find that the teen years are emotionally draining rather than 24/7 relentless. And there are so many pockets of joy - I actively enjoy spending time with my kids now, they’re interesting and funny people who want to do things that I actually want to do, rather than spending hours in soft play.

I have a DD who just turned 13 and a DS age 10.5. We have a nice life! They have their moments of course but they are good kids, fun and smart and interesting. They cost a lot and need a lot of driving to their hobbies though. They were absolutely not fun when they were little 😅 it’ll come - hang on in there

Good luck with that with a 1 yo and 4 yo

14 and 12. Aside from a brief moment when they were about 5 and 3 I don’t think I’ve been happy since they were born.