How old are your DC and how's your quality of life?

[CuriousKit]

I am in the thick of it with 1 and 4 yo DC. They are little and baby is still breastfeeding not sleeping through the night. 4 yo is good and is becoming more independent now. They bring me a lot of joy but I think I feel constantly knackered especially throwing in getting back to work, a qualification I am doing from work and chores.
DH is there, he helps but I think it's just natural to feel individually tired and sleep deprived. How's your lives and when does it gets easier.
I dream about doing things like taking them both to movies on rainy day, taking them to holidays abroad and actually enjoying them. Times when they can have conversations with me and we all can have good times together.

DD is 21 and I’m finding it quite difficult, she’s not transitioning into adulthood and independence well and I just feel completely drained and run down.

It’s been very different from what I imagined this time would be, but I’m hoping things will start looking up once she finishes uni.

I don't know, because I found it easier when they were little. We always did holidays abroad and stuff like that. I didn't expect it to be like child free holidays. Now they are all sort of tween age, things are harder as they can disagree with me and each other, and have all their own interests and friends. It feels more complicated. I felt more in control when they were small.

When your youngest is about 4 and before eldest hits 13/14 that’s the golden zone if you ask me.

Mine are 11 and 14 so we’re just leaving it but it’s been amazing! I’m now hunkering down to survive the teenage years.

6 and 7 here, Iove this stage. I was a sap/brainwashed and actually loved all the stages even tiny chaos, but current is definitely physically easiest. Emotionally more needy, but I well remember the physical days and am grateful now for the luxury of sending them upstairs to get themselves ready for bed, or not having had any involvement in their toileting for years, or hearing them play together for hours without our input (/fight with each other 🙃). Yet young enough that they still, especially the youngest, think I'm great and love cuddling with me and want to be around me.

I only have one but was a lone parent from when she was four. She’s 14 now.

That really full on period of always having to be “on” goes on until they are about 7 or 8 in my recollection. After then you are able to leave them for a certain period of time.

Then you have the teenager years which are quite challenging but in a completely different way.

Mine isn’t an awful teenager and doesn’t give me major league stress but there is a fair amount of sulking and back chat. When she’s in a good mood she’s utterly lovely though.

I honestly don’t know what why posters like you have such an issue with comments like this. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Also it’s true.

My dd was an undiagnosed autistic/ADHD teen and she wasn't difficult behaviourally so that's not a given.
And ds was an undiagnosed ADHD teen and neither was he tricky behaviour wise. They both just had low self esteem that I was constantly trying to help them with.

I don't think @RosesAndHellebores said anything so terrible. People need to chill. They are just answering the question. Do people think having small kids is the only stressful time? Especially when op seems reasonably ok.

X post with @Notmyreality

One almost 18 month old and it’s pretty good. Our ages and some other circumstances mean that we’re one and done, the odd twinge of regret is easily snuffed out by reading on here about life with two little ones! We have a nice balance with time for both DH and I to do our own thing from time to time (he’s taken him to town just now to have a look at the Christmas lights, I’m going to have a snooze). That would all disappear with two I think.

Love this xxxx

Two year old and an eighteen year old. Both me and DH work FT with intense jobs. Life can be quite gruelling, especially on working days. Two year old still naps which means we get a little breather in the middle of the day at weekends. Teenager is grumpy and hard work to live with but has diagnoses which are at least partially the cause of that.

I don’t think it’s that having small kids is the only stressful time. It’s just very self centred. Imagine we turned up on a thread on Teenagers where a poster is struggling and we say ‘oh well thank your lucky stars you don’t have to go to soft play.’

The feeling of not being g a good parent hits is all right?

Some days we do so much

Some days we have great fun and then they are stuck on the ipads as I wfh

It can be torture

23 and 20 and amazing. The first three years were really tough. Primary school the golden years. 13-18 challenging but still enjoyable. They’re now self sufficient, doing well and forging their own lives. So proud of them both. I kind of feel this is where we’re reaping the rewards. DH and I holiday alone regularly now, we’re away this weekend. That seemed inconceivable twenty years ago, but you get there.

Mine are 7 & 12 and I’d say my quality of life is quite good. I mean, I have cancer (in the process of hopefully being successfully treated), but besides that! 😂

But I’d say the key is that my life satisfaction doesn’t really come a lot from my children. They are lovely and smart and funny, but they fight horribly and they can be really annoying at times.

I’d say that what makes my life good is all the other stuff - I have hobbies and interests I enjoy, I have friends who I see just enough of, I get to travel (with and without children), I have a happy marriage, I have been able to pivot my career so it’s something I actually enjoy, we have a lovely lifestyle, etc.

Quality of life is good, but I’d say only 20% of that has to do with dc. The rest is just about building a life you enjoy apart from being a parent.

18, 16, 14.

Have loved all stages but it gets better and better IMO. This is the best stage we've had by far, but I've said that at every stage. I love spending time with them - lots of concerts, they enjoy good food and eating out, holidays are a delight.

You know what the saying goes: the first 7 years are always the hardest. Then 7 relatively easy years followed byn7 harder years. After that it's much easier. I absolutely loved the first 7 years with my DC but they all slept well and I'm sure that's why. I had friends who DC never slept much or woke up in middle of night frequently and the parents looked like zombies some days.

@pocklechip- surely the best people to respond to the ops question of ‘how old are your DCs and how’s your quality of life’ are the parents of adult kids who have been through all the ages? Do you think parents of teenagers shouldn’t be allowed to respond? Forewarned is forearmed. Overwhelmingly on these threads you get a mix of easy/hard for under 5s and teenagers and a fairly unanimous easy for 5-11. The posters that are the most pointless are the ones of 5 year olds who say it’s easiest now, when they haven’t even got to what is often the hardest.

My 3 are all in their 20s.
Quality of life is tip top

However, you don't have to wait that long.
It gets that little bit easier each year.
There are big milestones - main one being when you get to consistently sleep through the night. But then smaller ones like when they are properly toilet trained, or when can put their own seatbelts on in the car, when they can dress themselves, etc etc.

I found the first 20 years or so were the worst 🤣🤣🤣 Once they all left home my quality of life improved no end!
But seriously, do try to enjoy them growing up - going away to give yourself a break from the cooking and cleaning is a great idea and it’s those things that will allow you to enjoy them more…

5 months, 16 months, 7, 9, and 11 and have a great quality of life. But even my 5 month old sleeps 10 hours through the night and the other 4 were always great sleepers. Sleep definitely helps your perspective on life!

We feel thrilled with life as it’s our last baby and we are soaking in all the “last firsts” with her and watching the magic of the season with our toddler. And the boys are becoming wonderfully funny and articulate lately.

Hopefully it just keeps on an upward trend.

One toddler, two.

He's sleeping through til 7 am and I stopped BF four months ago. I've only started to feel myself again in the past few months.

The "con" is that he's super physical and requires a lot of outside time. I love this too, but I wouldn't do 6h+ in the park at the weekend in all weathers by choice. He was a tricky baby because it took him forever to learn to sit still, and he was up and exploring from a very young age. I saw a four month old lying down in a play cafe today chewing a toy for over 30m and thought, "why didn't I get that"!!!

The pro is that I have struck gold with the happiest, most compliant little soul imaginable. His favourite part of most activities is tidying up, and he even uses a coaster.

I can't see myself spinning the wheel and risking our lovely set up! I couldn't imagine going into pregnancy now when I had an awful pregnancy the first time.

DS is 14 and the three of us make a great team. I found 0-3 very difficult, but I also had PND. Once he turned 4 and I wasn’t really ill life became so much better.
My quality of life is impacted now, however, by elderly family members who need quite a lot of attention.
Kids aren’t the only people who’ll demand help.

I have 3 young adult DC all out in the world doing their own thing but we are close with regular catch ups and family group chats. They also love each other and keep in touch.

It helps that my son’s gf is so lovely with us and she’s very much part of the family. When we get together we have mini breaks together, or board game night, or just a takeaway and gossip and loads of laughs at the kitchen table.

It’s fun and everything I dreamed of a family life when we were in the trenches when they were tiny. My DH misses those days but I love it now. My quality of life is perfect. I have my own space, plenty of sleep and my own career, but most weekends it’s quality family time.

spot on. I adored my 4 up until 12ish and felt very smug. Still adore them but my God the 17 and 19 yr olds have put me through the wringer - both ND auDHD with PDA profiles. One very externalised - borderline antisocial behaviour which he has mostly outgrown and the other one - well there is a whole thread about him. He’s gorgeous but vulnerable and very dependent. 14yr old is NT but has some learned behaviour that is tricky and the 8 year old is pure joy.

I have to say it’s not what I imagined - it’s been very very hard and at times it’s been hard to find much joy. I’m one of those ones who internally eye rolls at people complaining about babies and toddlers although I know my situation isn’t entirely typical (having said that I would say we are surrounded by people struggling - think Covid years exacerbated a lot).