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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited on weekend away

71 replies

Happyface246 · 29/11/2025 07:06

I have a group of school friends who I would consider good friends. On Facebook another friend posted pictures of a weekend away that I knew nothing about. 2 others also weren’t invited - one lives far away and one hasn’t been very well. I’m due to go to lunch in a few hours with them all - this has been arranged for months- I have made the booking. When I texted one of them to say I had seen the photos there was no apology just “my bad”. I work in a school so sometimes it’s difficult to get time off. What would you do?

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 29/11/2025 07:12

Was there no explanation? I would go to the lunch just to see if anything was mentioned or to ask face to face why I hadn't been invited, but I'm at the stage in life where I don't care if others feel uncomfortable through their own actions.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 29/11/2025 07:15

Do you normally go away for weekends together? So, is it that you have been dropped for some reason or more that there is a smaller group within the larger group that have a closer connection?

i know this stuff can hurt. You have two choices ultimately- carry on with the group as and when it suits you and accept that others within the group may do other things, or step away from the whole thing because it upsets you.

TheTowerAtMidnight · 29/11/2025 07:28

I would cancel the lunch booking and "forget" to tell them, but I am petty as fuck.

Bigtreeesss · 29/11/2025 07:32

You weren’t the only one not invited
how often are you meeting up? It’s natural in a group setting for others to be closer

I don’t see an issue with a few people doing there own thing but if it bothers you ask them why you weren’t invited or see if they are up for another weekend away and you can organise and attend that ine

QuietLifeNoDrama · 29/11/2025 07:44

I get why you might be disapointed or feel left out and by all means ask them about it if you want but you’re not entitled to an invitation just because you’re all friends. They don’t owe you an apology either. People are allowed to pick and choose who they spend time with and how. If you feel like there may be a bigger issue then by all means raise it with them but on the face of it 3 people not being invited to something doesn’t ring alarm bells with me.

DelphiniumBlue · 29/11/2025 08:32

Could be something as simple as Jane saw a last minute deal advertised for 4 people, so asked the 3 women she’s closest too, or thought would be able to go and say yes most quickly.
All you can really do is say “ that sounds such fun, do ask me if something like that comes up again.”
It’s not nice to think you’ve been left out, but I suspect if you are confrontational about it, you may well be eased out of the group.

Minjou · 29/11/2025 08:33

Three were not invited...how many went?

It's ok to have sub groups within larger group, the people you get on better with probably. They don't owe you an invitation or an apology

PicaK · 29/11/2025 08:35

Was it a long weekend - Thurs to Mon. You know if you work in a school you can't do that. Wanting to spend time as a smaller unit doesn't mean not wanting to spend time with you. Go enjoy your lunch and be interested in their trip and don't sulk.

JudgeBread · 29/11/2025 08:39

If this was my lifelong friend group and it was completely out of the ordinary for me to not be invited I'd ask straight up why I hadn't been invited, we're close enough that awkward conversations are easy.

But I don't know the dynamics of the group. How many have gone on this trip? If it's quite a big group it's not unusual to have smaller "branches" of the group, I don't think. Or maybe someone just made an assumption that you wouldn't be able to come because of work, if it was a long weekend sort of thing?

Ganthanga · 29/11/2025 15:56

If you make a fuss you look needy and petty. They don't owe you an apology or an explanation. I would just say " That looks great, I 'd love to go if you go again ".
Even though it might hurt that you weren't included, there could be all sorts of reasons.

SkaneTos · 29/11/2025 15:58

That's tough, OP.

How big is the group?

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 29/11/2025 16:01

I think it’s fine for groups within a group to form and decide to do something together. All you can do is let it go or risk losing the friendships completely.

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 29/11/2025 16:03

If their all good friends then I would leave it tbh its not like you was singled out others didn't go either

Sillysoggyspaniel · 29/11/2025 16:05

Seems reasonable if you were working and they wanted a long weekend?

nomas · 29/11/2025 16:26

I work in a school so sometimes it’s difficult to get time off.

Could this be the reason why? Do you often have to turn down invitations? Would they have set off a Friday morning?

It’s not your fault but it can be easier to arrange a trip with fewer people.

nomas · 29/11/2025 16:26

I work in a school so sometimes it’s difficult to get time off.

Could this be the reason why? Do you often have to turn down invitations? Would they have set off a Friday morning?

It’s not your fault but it can be easier to arrange a trip with fewer people.

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/11/2025 16:27

Do you all only usually spend time together as a group? You don’t see some of the friends in different combinations or have closer friendships with some than others? I can see why it’s upsetting if you thought you always do things together as a group, but it’s not unusual for some members of a wider friendship group to break out from time to time.

25percentoffeverything · 29/11/2025 16:28

I don't know, do you HAVE to do everything together at all time? It's a bit weird.

If it's a yearly gathering, or a birthday or something where you invite the group, it's mean to be excluded.

But if they only did something a few of them, why does it have to be about you?
Don't you see your friends separately too?

Northernladdette · 29/11/2025 16:30

Something similar happened to me. I was working term time when a friendship group booked a holiday away. I was told about it and appreciated that. I was told never mind, you can come next year as my circumstances were changing.
When next year came another person was invited along. I was disappointed but just let it go. We’re still friends 🙂

redskydelight · 29/11/2025 16:41

If the group is big enough to have some of it on a weekend away and still 3 people not, then it's too big to invite everyone to everything. It's also too big for everyone to be "equal" friends - some will naturally be better friends than others.

If you're good friends then say at the lunch that you were a bit upset not to be invited and see what is said. If you're not good enough friends to say that then there's your answer as to why you weren't included.

SingingOcean · 29/11/2025 16:41

Does this mean that a separate conversation went on somewhere behind people's backs?

I suppose it would depend on how I felt about the group. Is it a group I feel really central to, or a larger group I wish I was a central part of? If the former, I know that this would really connect with my "inner child" and I would withdraw completely :(

Cherrysoup · 29/11/2025 16:46

So they have a separate WhatsApp for just this trip? Was it literally the weekend? What kind of school is it hard to get weekends off? Is it boarding so you have to do occasional weekends? And why did they post on social media? Duh!

Pistolpunk · 29/11/2025 16:55

Friendship groups can drift as years go by and some people in a group will naturally be closer to others etc.

I deleted a group chat of childhood friends and deleted them off social media purely for the reasons we dont have much in common any more and when we did meet up it was like somehow reverted back to the teenage labels we had as we didnt have the depth and substance to sustain growth. There was no trust to share deep conversations or confide worries etc.

Some of the group did meet without telling others but that was their thing and they were naturally closer and kept in touch and shared major life events. I just silently dropped out of the loop and there was no drama or upset as I'm mid 40s now and cherish quality over quantity

Dancingsquirrels · 29/11/2025 16:56

It does sting when you're not invited to something that you would reasonably expect to be invited to

I had a slightly similar situation. I was v upset not to be invited. But had to accept that they could invite who they wanted. And others were excluded too. We're all still friends and I never mentioned it to them, but I don't feel as close to them now

OldBeyondMyYears · 29/11/2025 16:57

Cherrysoup · 29/11/2025 16:46

So they have a separate WhatsApp for just this trip? Was it literally the weekend? What kind of school is it hard to get weekends off? Is it boarding so you have to do occasional weekends? And why did they post on social media? Duh!

Maybe the weekend was a ‘long weekend’?

I’m a teacher and often have to turn down weekends away, unless it’s close enough for me to join them on the Friday evening perhaps.

(My friends aren’t mean though…they always ask if I can make it 🥰)

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