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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not invited on weekend away

71 replies

Happyface246 · 29/11/2025 07:06

I have a group of school friends who I would consider good friends. On Facebook another friend posted pictures of a weekend away that I knew nothing about. 2 others also weren’t invited - one lives far away and one hasn’t been very well. I’m due to go to lunch in a few hours with them all - this has been arranged for months- I have made the booking. When I texted one of them to say I had seen the photos there was no apology just “my bad”. I work in a school so sometimes it’s difficult to get time off. What would you do?

OP posts:
cinnamongirl123 · 30/11/2025 22:18

Any update OP?

RecordBreakers · 30/11/2025 22:22

Horses7 · 30/11/2025 21:39

They are not your friends, block, don’t t go to lunch and don’t t look back. Nurture your other friendships.

.......and with advice like this, it is hardly surprising there are so many threads on here from people with no friends. Hmm

People with even a small amount of emotional intelligence realise that you can be friends with a larger group of people, but sometimes - for a myriad of reasons - people then choose to also do things in 2s or 3s. Being part of a larger group that meets up sometimes, doesn't stop you from seeing people from that group individually sometimes too. All having a tantrum does is leave you without friends, rather than the current state which is being part of a larger friendship group.

Horses7 · 30/11/2025 22:37

RecordBreakers · 30/11/2025 22:22

.......and with advice like this, it is hardly surprising there are so many threads on here from people with no friends. Hmm

People with even a small amount of emotional intelligence realise that you can be friends with a larger group of people, but sometimes - for a myriad of reasons - people then choose to also do things in 2s or 3s. Being part of a larger group that meets up sometimes, doesn't stop you from seeing people from that group individually sometimes too. All having a tantrum does is leave you without friends, rather than the current state which is being part of a larger friendship group.

Utter tosh!

StrangePaint · 30/11/2025 22:53

Horses7 · 30/11/2025 22:37

Utter tosh!

Not tosh at all. @RecordBreakers isn't wrong. A lot of Mn friendship ‘advice’ is insanely reactive and over the top, given by people who don’t themselves appear to have much if any experience of healthy friendships, and who project rejection and exclusion onto all possible situations.

ChilliMochaCoco · 30/11/2025 22:56

Sometimes when the OP doesn't reply once to a thread like this, I begin to wonder.....

Horses7 · 30/11/2025 23:02

StrangePaint · 30/11/2025 22:53

Not tosh at all. @RecordBreakers isn't wrong. A lot of Mn friendship ‘advice’ is insanely reactive and over the top, given by people who don’t themselves appear to have much if any experience of healthy friendships, and who project rejection and exclusion onto all possible situations.

It is.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/11/2025 23:19

ask them if they had a lovely time??

I mean what else would you do? you're not contractually obliged to only hang out as a larger set. I have a group of school friends, they're allowed to see each other without me. because we"re not 14.

Minjou · 01/12/2025 05:03

Horses7 · 30/11/2025 22:37

Utter tosh!

No, completely accurate

LostittoBostik · 01/12/2025 05:15

If at least three others didn’t go, you’re definitely being unreasonable. Adults don’t go around policing each other’s friendships.

HevenlyMeS · 02/12/2025 11:38

Yes of course other friends are permitted to see each other without being included every single time
I think the disappointment original commenter is trying to convey to us, is that it seems, she was the only one ommitted from the invite, which I think is understandably upsetting!
People have feelings & no matter how thick skinned some might be, most sensitive souls, would feel disappointment to be the only one excluded from a group of numerous other souls
She shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed for being sensitive, especially because most sensitive souls, wouldn't dream of excluding one from a group of friends! 🙏

AceKitten · 02/12/2025 11:42

RecordBreakers · 30/11/2025 22:22

.......and with advice like this, it is hardly surprising there are so many threads on here from people with no friends. Hmm

People with even a small amount of emotional intelligence realise that you can be friends with a larger group of people, but sometimes - for a myriad of reasons - people then choose to also do things in 2s or 3s. Being part of a larger group that meets up sometimes, doesn't stop you from seeing people from that group individually sometimes too. All having a tantrum does is leave you without friends, rather than the current state which is being part of a larger friendship group.

Come across as so desperate for friends you will tolerate anything

it’s decent friends we all need but just any

RecordBreakers · 02/12/2025 16:50

HevenlyMeS · 02/12/2025 11:38

Yes of course other friends are permitted to see each other without being included every single time
I think the disappointment original commenter is trying to convey to us, is that it seems, she was the only one ommitted from the invite, which I think is understandably upsetting!
People have feelings & no matter how thick skinned some might be, most sensitive souls, would feel disappointment to be the only one excluded from a group of numerous other souls
She shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed for being sensitive, especially because most sensitive souls, wouldn't dream of excluding one from a group of friends! 🙏

The OP has clearly stated there were at least 3 people not there.
She hasn't come back to tell us how many were, but was quite clear she was one of 3 not there, so how are you getting "the only one" from that ? Confused

RecordBreakers · 02/12/2025 16:51

AceKitten · 02/12/2025 11:42

Come across as so desperate for friends you will tolerate anything

it’s decent friends we all need but just any

Who, me ?

That's hilarious Grin

HevenlyMeS · 03/12/2025 11:12

Yes AceKitten
Completely concur with you
Quality over quantity 💚🤗💚

HevenlyMeS · 03/12/2025 11:16

Yes maybe being don't have as much time on my hands to scrutinise every single comment
If original commenter was most surely 1 of 3 not included then it's a completely different story, & I stand corrected
I will reread the 1st comment
As o commenter seemed so upset it seemed she was solely excluded
💚Either way she's obviously quite a sensitive soul 🙏

HevenlyMeS · 03/12/2025 11:49

Yes so I've reread o commenter's 1st comment & it's clear that the reason the other 2 weren't invited is because 1 lives very far away & the other is unwell - So of course there's immensely good reason for why those 2 were not invited
It's ok for o commenter to wonder the reason for her own self to not be invited when she understands the reason for the others
🙏

CandyCaneKisses · 03/12/2025 14:21

They don’t need to apologise or explain anything. Friends are allowed to socialise separately.

HevenlyMeS · 03/12/2025 18:41

Yes & friends consider one another's feelings too

RecordBreakers · 03/12/2025 20:06

HevenlyMeS · 03/12/2025 18:41

Yes & friends consider one another's feelings too

But you seem to be suggesting that this group of 5 (or 6, or 10, or however many it is - OP won't say) are only allowed to do things as one homogenous group. That's weird.
Even if it were "only" 5 or 6, it is really difficult to get people together to do X or Y when it is that number. As an example, I try to meet up with other retired colleagues about once every 2 or 3 months for lunch. We (by default) are all retired so you'd think that shouldn't be too difficult, but it is rare all 6 of us can make it on the same day. That's just lunch, not a weekend away. Another example my brother was telling me that his family had been given one of these City Tour game / puzzles / experiences last Christmas, and they have just not been able to get all 5 of them together to do it once during the last 11 months.

I enjoy my group's friendship, and enjoy meeting up with them, but I would be amazed if any of us thought that all 6 of us had to be invited if 2 people were going to something together. That's just bizarre, the idea that people can't see one another in 2s and 3s. Really odd.

I can't think of anyone I know, from any of my groups of friends who would expect a whole gaggle of people to go to everything together. You'd end up never going anywhere if someone actually tried to impose that rule.

Are you genuinely saying that when one of my friends messaged me a couple of months ago to ask if I'd go to a concert with her that evening because her dh wasn't feeling well and they didn't want to waste the tickets, that I should have replied that I couldn't go as another friend might have their feeling hurt because there wasn't a ticket for her too ???
Or when I was going to an attraction I thought my friend would enjoy and had a space in my car, I shouldn't invite one friend because another might 'feel hurt' if I didn't invite them (which I couldn't because there was only room for one) ?? Hmm

HevenlyMeS · 04/12/2025 14:52

No I did not imply the group of friends should just do things with everyone included
Where did I suggest this?
Obviously o commenter knows these friends, we don't so clearly we don't know their usual patterns
She does & she's obviously upset for a reason which she doesn't have to fully inform us of-Whatever it is it's her business to just share what she feels comfortable with
It doesn't hurt you to be compassionate & she's obviously got her reasons to be upset, whatever they are - She took the time to share because she was upset
There's nothing weird about just considering our friends feelings
It's unnecessary to twist other commenters points of view just because they don't completely concur with your point
I did not imply they should only ever do things altogether
Kindly do not, twist what others comment!

Dancingsquirrels · 06/12/2025 17:09

StrangePaint · 30/11/2025 22:53

Not tosh at all. @RecordBreakers isn't wrong. A lot of Mn friendship ‘advice’ is insanely reactive and over the top, given by people who don’t themselves appear to have much if any experience of healthy friendships, and who project rejection and exclusion onto all possible situations.

💯

MN is full of people who are quick to take offence. Also full of people who struggle with friendships

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