Why is BD partner obsessed with me

[Level3HotSauce]

Just looking for some outside opinions because this whole situation feels a bit weird to me now.

I split with my ex 10 years ago, the relationship ended for a lot of reasons, including some very serious things he did that I’ve had to overcome with therapy. We co-parent very minimally — communication is pretty much only about our child and even that is infrequent. I have fully moved on with my life and haven’t had personal contact or conflict with him in years. He’s been with his current partner for 9 years, they’ve got kids together, and I even make sure my child buys Christmas and birthday presents for their kids.

The problem is his partner keeps posting indirect stuff about me on social media. I don’t follow her but people send it to me, and it’s always things about “bitter babymammas,” “bad bio mums,” “women who lie about being abused,” or random digs that are very obviously aimed at me. We haven’t had any arguments, I don’t post anything about her or him, and I genuinely just get on with my life. I posted one thing years ago about surviving a toxic abusive relationship but didnt name anyone, it was a self empowering post rather than to name and shame - so that's the only thing i can think of that she's potentially seen?

It’s been going on for years but recently its got more intense and direct. I don’t know if she’s insecure, if my ex has told her some weird version of events, or if she’s just decided I’m her enemy for no reason.

Is this normal behaviour? Should I be concerned or just keep ignoring it?

She sounds nuts and jealous tbh. I can only imagine if you are consuming her brain like this that you must be on her mind? Jealous maybe? You’ve got kids with him and she doesn’t? I don’t know some women are flipping mental honestly. She’s probably obsessed with your BD and can’t cope that he’s got ties like this to another woman 😩

This narrative will have been fed to her by your ex, or constructed from the information he has given her. It's probably also the narrative she uses to strengthen her own denial of the abuse that's probably happening to her. at the hands of her partner. A deflection of reality.
Very odd that she's ramping it up after a decade , unless it's directly related to her own experiences?
It's unlikely you'll get change from her. I'd ignore what you can't control here. I try to remind myself that other people's opinions of me are none of my business.( I try 🫣)

I agree with the above posts, Forest Fires has explained what’s probably happening very well. I would probably dismiss it next time someone lets you know about this woman’s indirects, and maybe even make a post of your own about feeling free of others judgement or being at peace with yourself.

Even if she somehow saw your post from years ago about surviving a toxic relationship, it was nothing to do with her and I would take it that both of them are clearly miserable. If you do ever have contact with her, kill her with kindness. It will bother him more than anything as it will make him look ridiculous, and it won’t make anything worse or more unpleasant for your child who has to spend time there.

All in all I would blame him more than her. She doesn’t know you and is most likely going off of lies or manipulation tactics that he’s using. The best revenge is to be happy and glad you’re rid of him.

Just ignore it and get on with your life

1. Do not look at her social media.
2. Be firm with your entourage ; they are not to send you any of her posts or talk about her with you. If any transgression- get angry with them. It's shitstirring and aimed to hurt you.
3. Don't write any posts that are aimed indirectly at your ex. Talk with friends irl- It's better.

She’s only going by what he’s told her about you. If he’s abusive he’s probably feeding her lies either about how much better you are than she is, or about how hard done by he was by you. Remember she is likely in the same kind of awful relationship you were in, and she’s likely in denial. Let her get on with it. There’s nothing like a bitchy passive-aggressive post to show you who’s unhappy.

What's a BD partner?

Yes, this.

I'd just ignore her. Protect your peace as otherwise you may open up all sorts with the ex.

You know that your ex is abusive so it’s highly likely that this is happening because of things which he is doing.

Eg she buys tickets to a concert that she wants to go to and asks him to swap contact days with you. He doesn’t but tells her you’ve threatened to withhold contact for a year if he asks to switch. She then posts shit on Facebook.

She asks why he hasn’t gone to parents evening when he just can’t be bothered. He tells her everyone at school hates him because you’ve told them lies about him abusing you so he can’t go to parents evening because last time he tried the teachers threatened to call the police when he’s innocent and it’s all your fault. She posts shit on Facebook.

Baby daddy’s partner

Baby Daddy's partner presumably.

Ah thank you I can stop trying to work out what it was.🙏

Thanks

Sadly, it is quite 'normal' for the new partner of a man to believe his sob story about his 'bitter' ex. He's not going to have told her the truth about you, he will have twisted it to make you look bad. Add to this a common resentment that a man has a child with another woman, and her dislike of you is fixed. It's also 'normal' in our society for people to put every thought in their head on the SM and use it a a safe space to attack people they don't like. She is having a go at you, and visisibly supporting 'her man'. If I were you I'd stay off her SM because she isn't going to stop.

If you're only in contact with your ex about the DC and minimally at that, why are even seeing his partner's SM posts? Severe the contact. Unfollow. Block. Whatever you need to do to create digital distance.

Agree with previous posters that she is constructing this narrative about you based on how your Ex manipulates her.

I wouldn't call it normal behaviour, but it's not uncommon for a woman with an abusive partner to believe their partner's exs were and are awful. And while the majority of people don't post that sort of passive aggressive dig on social media, still far too many people do. It's not worth your time even thinking about it.

🤮

I’d say either he’s spinning a story about how your negatively affect his life. Or it’s just totally made up for attention and is actually nothing to do with you.

I agree with If you're only in contact with your ex about the DC and minimally at that, why are even seeing his partner's SM posts? Severe the contact. Unfollow. Block. Whatever you need to do to create digital distance. Block her. There’s no reason for you to see what she posts. Be very short with anyone who is coming to you to tell you what she posts - you’re not interested.

Men are often completely clueless about themselves. His version of events will differ dramatically from yours and I wouldn't be surprised if he has/does outright lie about things.
She might have been saying "we should all go out together with the kids. Let's invite Level3Hotsauce." and rather than admit that he was awful to you and you wouldn't want to do that, or even admitting that he doesn't want to do that, he'll put the blame on you and just say: "I asked and she isn't interested."
Things like that (an example plucked from the experience of a friend) just chip away at someone's perception of a situation and if someone is prone to social media toxicity it can exacerbate it!

Ask anyone showing you this rubbish to stop. If they don’t they’re not your friend (wtf are they sending it to you anyway?!)

Well yes she only has his side of things but surely by posting what you did years ago which essentially matches the same description of what she’s doing - indirect, veiled, not naming any names but could only have been for the benefit of one person - that wasn’t really any different to what she’s doing? It sounds like she was only matching your energy initially but has kept it going longer.

Why do you see her social media? Just block her.

The OP states that she doesn’t see the posts. She doesn’t follow her Ex’s Partner on SM and it’s her friends avd family who forward on her posts to the OP.

She doesn’t see it. She already said that. Her friends are forwarding it all to her and therein lies the problem. Her ‘friends’ are shit stirring. She needs to tell them to stop showing it to her.

Why did OP even need to make a big ‘empowering’ post that she will have known full well was going to get back to them? Some successes are better celebrated discreetly without a social media fanfare.

I agree with the above posters, it's highly likely that your ex has spun her some tales about what happens. It's odd though, given your minimal interaction with your ex and the fact you DON'T follow her, are your friend's mistaken? Could the posts be about someone else, a close friend, a brother maybe?

I think you are handling the situation perfectly, the only thing I would suggest is to ask you friends not to tell you about the things she is posting. Tell them you don't follow her for a reason, your minimal contact with him is for a reason, they may mean well but they are stoking a fire that doesn't need to be lit.

Well done OP for keeping it classy and not rising to it.