Why is BD partner obsessed with me

[Level3HotSauce]

Just looking for some outside opinions because this whole situation feels a bit weird to me now.

I split with my ex 10 years ago, the relationship ended for a lot of reasons, including some very serious things he did that I’ve had to overcome with therapy. We co-parent very minimally — communication is pretty much only about our child and even that is infrequent. I have fully moved on with my life and haven’t had personal contact or conflict with him in years. He’s been with his current partner for 9 years, they’ve got kids together, and I even make sure my child buys Christmas and birthday presents for their kids.

The problem is his partner keeps posting indirect stuff about me on social media. I don’t follow her but people send it to me, and it’s always things about “bitter babymammas,” “bad bio mums,” “women who lie about being abused,” or random digs that are very obviously aimed at me. We haven’t had any arguments, I don’t post anything about her or him, and I genuinely just get on with my life. I posted one thing years ago about surviving a toxic abusive relationship but didnt name anyone, it was a self empowering post rather than to name and shame - so that's the only thing i can think of that she's potentially seen?

It’s been going on for years but recently its got more intense and direct. I don’t know if she’s insecure, if my ex has told her some weird version of events, or if she’s just decided I’m her enemy for no reason.

Is this normal behaviour? Should I be concerned or just keep ignoring it?

Whilst they're hating on you, she's looking the other way in regards to his behaviour.
My abusive ex, who was also terrible to his mum, used to have us against each other so all of his behaviour was because of one of us so we'd inevitably blame the other. Hope that makes sense! These type of men are masters of manipulation.

My Dad has been married 4 times. My Mum was wife number 1. Wife number 3 (who he met 20 years after leaving my Mum) would regularly phone our house and yell at my Mum for her former “crimes”. I was an adult by this time, so my Mum and Dad had literally no contact at all with each other. I think wife 3 did the same to wife 2.

I always assumed my Dad told his wife that all his failings were basically down to the abuse that he’d suffered at the hands of his former wives. So every now and then, when wife 3 was pissed off with him for something, she’d decide to blame the people she saw as the ultimate cause of it.

Luckily Wife 4 is very chilled and never gives anyone any grief!

She clearly has issues that go way beyond you and instead of acknowledging and dealing with them she is kind of transposing them onto you.

Shitty as that is, I don’t think that’s the problem here or it needn’t be a problem for you. The only reason it is, is people who are supposed to care about you keep telling you about her bullshit. Why do they do that? There is nothing to be gained by you knowing about that woman’s barely concealed insults. All it does is make you feel bad when you have no way of dealing with it. Why are they even checking out her social media?

Just tell them that, although you understand that they are interested in what she has to say, you aren’t and you don’t want to hear it. Tell them you are serious about that and if they keep passing on her shitty comments it will make it very difficult for you to continue being friends with them.

You’re surrounded by some very strange people. Each time, reply to these troublemakers, ‘why have you sent me this? There are no issues between us, please don’t try to cause any. I’m not interested in other people’s social media posts’.
The posts could be about anyone. Maybe one of her brothers has a child with one of the women she’s referring to? Or maybe bad mothers irk her in general? Or she’s trying to work through problems with her own mother? Other people meddling have made you paranoid she is hung up on you, even though it’s been a decade and your children all have good relationships with each other.
Be more selective about what you look at on social media, and about other ‘friends’ who seek to expose you to it for their own entertainment.

Thank you for your replies.

I'm not actually sure why people show me her posts, maybe they're offended for me who knows but yes I will ask them to stop. I have blocked her and him on all socials, years ago.

As far as I'm aware my DC hasn't had any issues at their house and is happy to visit which is all I care about.

Just to add that the posts are definitely about me (she names me in some of them) so I know it's not about anyone else lol

I’d just laugh it off to the people who show you. Nice to see you have fans. Mean girls: “why are you so obsessed with me” - or perhaps elude to the fact she has to go so hard to convince herself her DP is a good person. If she isn’t attacking you she needs to see how shite he is for herself.