AIBU to say my Dyson is a Cunt?

[RanchRat]

in a year I have only been able to use it a handful of times. It stops working after a couple of minutes and I have to pull a piece of fluff out of its arse before it will go again. I have never been able to do more than half a rug before it needs emptying and the fucking clips that are supposed to be so easy to open are actually very stiff and I have to lie the dirty bastard on my clean sofa to get them open. I have spent more time watching You Tube videos on how to coax the little fucker to work than I have vacuuming. You have to wash the filter, no, you have to replace the filter, no, you have to tweeze a couple of hairs out of its backside. I bought it because it was light and I am old and struggled with my heavy hoover. The worst £500 I have ever spent and could ill afford.

I’ve got a shark. It gets blocked all the time bastard time too. I have three chopsticks taped together to clear the pole basically every time I use it.

We have two Dysons. We bought the second one because the first one was playing up and we got sick of coaxing it to do its job. We thought we just had a dud. Or one of the kids had messed it up. Or anything other that what turned out to be the case.

The case being - they're absolutely fucking useless. Now we have two absolutely fucking useless Dysons and have to keep track of which is the slightly-less-absolutely-fucking-useless one. I really cannot understand how that company is so successful, when their flagship product is....and I want to be certain that I've made this clear...absolutely fucking useless.

There's an upside though. We've more or less decided that hoovering's optional.

I like my vax cordless a lot

@WalkDontWalkjust to be absolutely sure, are you saying Dysons are absolutely fucking useless?

Yes. That's what I was trying to get over. They are absolutely fucking useless.

However, it may be that you are an unusually perceptive person, and untypically quick on the uptake, so I cannot be sure that your having understood how absolutely fucking useless Dysons are necessarily implies that all or even most other readers will have cottoned on to the absolute fucking uselessness of the Dyson.

So forgive me if I use this post to re-emphasise the fact that Dysons are absolutely fucking useless.

This has made me laugh so much! I’ve just investigated and Sebo do a cordless so that might be my next one when my current Dyson dies about 3 days out of warranty.

Ah the voice of MN hypocrisy, hiw dare one not toe the 'official' line!

Lurking in the corner of my shed, biding its time, I have a Bex Bissell manual sweeper that is more use than my Dyson. At least it tries hard.

Thanks for clearing that up.

I threw my absolutely useless Dyson today, I feel cleansed.

I have an insanely floofy dog who sheds twice a year. (Google Akita shedding to see full extent and it goes on for weeks) no hoover can handle him apart from a £50 screwfix speciale. It’s just the cheapest cylinder titan builders hoover but it’s lasted years and all the other brand lasted minutes in comparison. Fully recommend.

Not wishing to fester in filth for the rest of my days I have counted up the scores for the major vacuum players in this thread hoping to find the holy grail.

50 posters thought their Dyson was a cunt, while 20 posters loved them to bits, though most of those 20 had the older models.

16 posters thought Henry was lovable, while 8 thought he was a wanker.

8 posters adored their Sharks, while 10 thought they were shit.

7 loved their Vax, though 2 thought they were vile.

5 loved the Miele but 1 loathed it.

The samples are small and I lack the intellectual capacity to weight the figures, but it looks to me that Henry is the winner by a whisker. Henry has the advantage of being cheap, though he smells, is clumsy and has an awful smirk, but as we know the bar is often set low.

What is astonishing is that a piece of houshold equipment that is so widely used is so universally fucking useless. Who can possibly be designing these things?

Who can possibly be designing these things?

People who can afford cleaners because they've made a fortune flogging shit products?

@RanchRat- The highest % like v dislike is the Miele….