An in-laws one Christmas

[Hannahagain]

Aibu to not want my in laws coming over at 9am on Christmas morning?

Our household is me, dh and two dc 12&16). We usually spend Christmas at home. We see my parents on Christmas Eve and dhs parents on Boxing Day or NYE. Dhs parents also come over for an hour or two on Christmas Day to exchange presents.

This is fine and everyone is happy with the arrangement, however in laws always turn up way earlier than we have asked.

We don’t get up until around 8am, do stockings, then go downstairs have coffee and open the presents under the tree. After presents we usually get dressed and have some breakfast.

We’ve asked dh parents to arrive after 10.30am, but they just ignore us and turn up at 9am. It’s too early for us.

I’m sure some people will say chill out but we just don’t want to have them over while we are still in our pyjamas. I’ve also had comments made at me about being in pyjamas when they’ve turned up early not just at Christmas.

Lock the door and tell them if they arrive before 11am (added an extra half hour for their cheek!) they can bugger off back home😊
Who in their right mind intrudes on a family at 9am on Christmas morning?! Bloody fruit loops!

Well if you have asked them to come at 1030, just don't let them in until then.

Yes, they will have to either wait in the car or turn around and go home - depending on how far away they live, but that's their problem isn't it? Presumably they have clocks and can tell the time?

Tell them to come up for 11.30/12 and by rights it should be around 10/11.30am. :)

Tell them you will text them when you are ready to receive visitors. Say 10:30 - 11:00 for the text to be delivered.

I think you need to say in words of one syllable ‘don’t turn up at 9am’. Say, or get DH to say, you all like to chill in your pyjamas so you won’t be ready for them until 10.30. Really put your foot down.

They’ll have probably been up and ready at 7am, itching to be part of it - so unless you’re really strong about it they won’t listen.

They’re turning up early so they can get giving presents to their GDC out of the way before the Eg have to start on their Christmas lunch etc.

Ask them to come around 5/6pm, for tea and mince pies?

Have they said why they ignore you and turn up then? Are they needing to drive somewhere else for lunch or something? Either way it's very rude, but just wondering if there's an actual reason.

I don't think you're unreasonable when you've asked them to call after a particular time, of course you want to have an hour or two to relax before people turn up. I would also hate for my in laws to see me in my pj's!

I couldn't get too worked up over them being early by itself, but making a comment about you being in your pj's when they called earlier than expected makes them unreasonable imo. That would rile me up. Wish I had advice but I think unless you tell them not to call unfortunately you probably just have to suck it up 😕

Has your DH ever said anything to them about it?

I was literally just going to post and say that last year, we told them that we’d let them know once we were up and ready for visitors.

They still turned up at 9am. I was really angry so now I’m wondering whether it’s time to go a step further and ask them not to come at all, or turn them away if they do it again.

This!!! This is the best idea

That's the height of rudeness and lack of awareness of others needs.

It's not easy to bar them or to refuse to open the door in real life, but I'd definitely say it to them firmly, that they are welcome to drop in, but after 11am only.

I have no idea what I'd do in similar circs. Probably lose my shit on the doorstep and then there'd be a family feud for evermore 😊

It's up to your DH to tell them to feck off though, isn't it?

Just lie and tell them you'll be out until 11.

When one of your kids inevitably blabs and tells them it was a lie, you can tell them yes, but you had to lie because they never normally listen to what you ask.

That should sort them out for the future.

Just say the kids want a lie-in on Christmas day so you'll exchange gifts when you see them on boxing day

I'd genuinely just not let them in, I'm still only half human at 9am Christmas morning, they could stand on the fecking stoop until I was ready for them.

They’ve done it even when they weren’t cooking.

They tend to rotate between going to other family for Christmas dinner, sometimes they eat in their local pub.

We have offered them to have Christmas dinner at ours but we live too far to walk and they like to have a drink (totally fair enough). They can walk from the other houses and the pub.

If you are seeing them Boxing Day anyway, then tell them not to come. They clearly don't listen to your wishes about time, so tell them it won't work for you

Oh god, I've never even met these people and I'm already annoyed by them

Id' be fuming.

If I had to open the door at 9, I'd make sure I am in my pyjamais, all the curtains and everything closed and make it very obvious they are waking up everyone and being very rude.

Also because I am petty, I would celebrate Christmas differently and do presents the night before at midnight like some people do 😂

I’ve also had comments made at me about being in pyjamas when they’ve turned up early not just at Christmas.
Yes Daisy, if you rudely come when I am still in bed 2 hours before I told you to arrive, I am in my pjs.

I would tell them not to come at all.

It's hard to turn people away when they're there. Sadly, you are stuck with them so you can't just tell them to fuck off because you have to see them again.

They're awful. I bet they're jealous you spend Christmas Eve with your parents, so your parents are "first'

It's likely more a power trip than just rudeness. Why is their son not telling them a firm NO?

I would be so annoyed. I think I'd go back upstairs, have a shower and go back to bed until they'd gone. They'll think that rude but so is turning up when they've been told not to!

Your 16 year old (and probably 12 year old too) won't be up until lunchtime, surely, so the in laws are not just unreasonable, they're deluded!
If they turn up at 9am, just don't answer the door - your house, your rules.

Well that’s just it, historically we’ve had to wake the eldest up (he doesn’t mind), because the youngest was up and excited.

But as they are getting older things are only going to get later and later. We just want a slow morning,

The kids wanting a lie-in on Christmas Day might sound a teeny bit bogus though!
But yeah, this turning up at sparrowfart is definitely not on. How rude, no matter what reasons they may have for the timing.
You have to spell it out and very firmly indeed, and above all, DH must be the messenger (though he must be aware that any caving in to his mother’s blandishments will mean no turkey.)

On second thoughts, I've had a thought! I'd go round to them at 7am in my PJs, hammer at their door and either go in and throw their presents at them or leave if there's no answer.

"The kids don't get up till twelve anyway Muriel so there's no point trying to see them at 9. They'll drop around tomorrow. OK, Merry Christmas everyone."

I'd make sure I'd put mascara on first, and make it smudge as if I'd been out all night too.

I'm getting very bad here, but I'm enjoying thinking about what I'd do. Thankfully I won't have to because we will be away all over Christmas. The joy of it all!

I’d be furious, morning people are often so self righteous! I’m normally a people pleaser but that would make me message them beforehand and say “please do not come over before 10:30am, we would like a lie in on Christmas Day”. Just spell it out to them.