An in-laws one Christmas

[Hannahagain]

Aibu to not want my in laws coming over at 9am on Christmas morning?

Our household is me, dh and two dc 12&16). We usually spend Christmas at home. We see my parents on Christmas Eve and dhs parents on Boxing Day or NYE. Dhs parents also come over for an hour or two on Christmas Day to exchange presents.

This is fine and everyone is happy with the arrangement, however in laws always turn up way earlier than we have asked.

We don’t get up until around 8am, do stockings, then go downstairs have coffee and open the presents under the tree. After presents we usually get dressed and have some breakfast.

We’ve asked dh parents to arrive after 10.30am, but they just ignore us and turn up at 9am. It’s too early for us.

I’m sure some people will say chill out but we just don’t want to have them over while we are still in our pyjamas. I’ve also had comments made at me about being in pyjamas when they’ve turned up early not just at Christmas.

I feel your pain - my parents were the same! It didn't matter what time I said or how emphatic I was - they still turned up at a ridiculous hour. It was down to my dad - he would get very worked up and would start catastrophising about how long the journey would take etc. Mum was much more chill. I have no helpful suggestions unfortunately!

This is definitely my in laws. It's very passive aggressive - they want to come at a different time and if you don't agree, they will do what they want to anyway. SIL has form for this.

Oh my God this was my in laws too. Why 9am on Christmas morning?! We'd all be in our pyjamas!!! As the kids got older, they'd still be in bed until 11ish. So the in-laws stopped visiting so early in the mornings, thank God.

I would just tell them that 9am doesn’t suit and you won’t be answering the door so early.

Dh solution is that he wants to lie and pretend that we are going out.

They're his parents so let him crack on. All too often in a situation like this the DH is all 'let them come' so at least he's sort of backing you up.

Unless you think that (a) they might turn up even earlier before you go out or (b) turn up at 9.00 anyway to see if you were lying.

Put a big "Covid Here" sign on the door with skull and crossbones underneath.

If I had the nerve I'd open the door (in your pjs looking dishelleved) stand in the doorway and say, "Sory Stan and Muriel, we told you we wouldn't be ready at this time, dh is still in bed and the dc are sleeping. I've not even had a shower. You'll have to wait in the car until later, or come back in 2 hours when we've had a chance to eat breakfast. Let me know what you decide. Bye, see you later"

Any quibble back, you say "Oh that's a shame, well just see you tomorrow then."

I would quite happily not open the door until 10:30am, I wouldn't be insane phone calls either.

But most people aren't as hard nosed as I am, so I reccomend changing present exchanging until Boxing day. There is little to no point having them over Christmas morning if all they do is piss you off, the kids are not small and you all appreciate a sleep in.

Can't they get a taxi home if they eat with you and have a few drinks? Or just tell them you'll see them/do presents on boxing day.

Tell them you're going to church and won't be back until 11. Then if they turn up, don't open the door.

I agree with this. I would say something like “let’s plan for you to arrive at around 11, but we will text you if we are able to have visitors any earlier. Please don’t arrive earlier than 11 unless you’ve heard from us”.

This happens to me too with both DM and MIL and it drives me mad. There’s times when I’ve had to resort to locking the door and hiding/not answering the door if they are early.

Some of these responses are brilliant!!! I wish we still had the laugh emoji! 😆

I love the lean into it suggestions. Let them in and get back to bed haha
But if it was me id be locking and chaining the door!!

We always say come over after 10.30 to give us chance to have some breakfast and get dressed but it’s completely ignored
Dh solution is that he wants to lie and pretend that we are going out

Your problem with DH's solution is that they'd probably turn up even earlier and expect to go with you, @Hannahagain

The good news is that you're both on the same page over this, so I'd suggest telling them in words of one syllable that 9am's aren't on, and that if they do it again you'll have to rethink the invite next year

Just ignore the door then if dh is prepared to lie and say you are out.

10:30am see you then we are busy before.

Unplug doorbell and keep curtains closed. Enjoy peace.

9am Christmas morning at my door someone needs to be dead tbh disturbing the peace now the children are not up at the ass crack of dawn. We might of only just got downstairs.

Just pick up the phone and talk to MIL well ahead.
You never know she might welcome not going round on a Christmas morning as much as you don't want her there at 9am.
And you can gift on the Boxing Day.
If she reads Mumsnet and recognises herself she might not bother going round at all. Nor open the door on Boxing Day.

PIL were like this with SIL and her DC. They lived next door and rolled up in the very early hours every single year. SIL has never ever had a single Xmas morning with her DH and DC as their own family. PIL had to be there with FIL sucking out any fun with his pad and pen making notes of who bought what in an orderly manner. Utterly dreadful. Completely overinvolved.
You will regret it if you don’t act. Keep curtains shut and don’t open the door. I really honestly would do this.

"ILs come round at midday, h and I are having a christmas morning shag,"

I think you have to be really blunt with them and tell them that if they come at 9, you will not be answering the door and they will be banned in the next few years.
I think being blunt and honest always leads to better relationships.

Just wondering, is it just "a few drinks" or do they see Christmas Day as a good excuse for a big piss up and want to get started early?

Can’t you just be honest? It seems absolutely ludicrous for dh to lie rather than say “mum, last year we said 10.30 and you turned up at 9- that’s not ok, you can’t come in before 10.30. I dont want to leave you outside but I will- we are not ready for visitors that early. Please don’t come any earlier than 10.30, it ruins Christmas morning for me and this year I’m not having it.”

We always say come over after 10.30 to give us chance to have some breakfast and get dressed but it’s completely ignored.

As you've said this wasn't a mistake or a one off just last year, then I'd be really clear, up front this year and both get dh to tell them in person or over the phone, and then back it up with a text to say
"Now the dc are older, we won't be getting up early on Christmas Day. We suggest you just bring the presents with you when we see you on Boxing Day, but if you feel you need to see them on Christmas Day, you are still welcome either between 11.30 and 1 (or whenever you have lunch) or after 4pm. Don't come early as you have repeatedly done previously as we won't be up and we won't be getting up to let you in."