Were you only friends with people at your academic level in school?

[LevelHeadNina]

Thinking back, I’ve realised most of my close friends in school were people who worked at a similar academic level to me. No deliberately, it just kind of happened because we were in the same classes, sets or had the same pressures.

AIBU to wonder if others experienced this too? And if you weren’t friends with people at your level, do you you wish you were/weren’t?

Yes, pretty much. Not by design, but our classes were broadly streamed by academic ability so the kids at my level were the kids I actually spent time with and got to know.

I expect it might have been different if I'd done lots of extracurricular activities like sports or drama club or Duke of Edinburgh Award or whatever, but I consistently refused to get involved in 'activities' so didn't get to know people from other classes/years.

Although, thinking about it, my close friends from outside school - eg kids I knew because they lived near me or were the children of friends of my parents etc - were also the ones who were about the same academic level as me too, so I suppose it's also just down to having common interests/topics of conversation.

And if you weren’t friends with people at your level, do you you wish you were

Not really. I wasn't really the sort of kid who sought out lots of friends anyway, and found it quite stressful getting to know people, so I was pretty happy just to roll along with the kids I got to know naturally through spending time with them. I didn't really think, at any point, 'Hmm, maybe I should be looking for friends who aren't at the same level of maths and English as I am'.

I was straight A's and my Bestie took her maths GCSE 3 times so no, not in my case

No! I was in a much lower set for maths and sciences than any of my best friends, although I did have friends in the lower sets as well, just not as close.
I've always been the academically thick one in my friendship group. I'm actually quite intelligent in real life but on paper and in exams I'm utterly shite.

No one was at my level, apart from at maths at which I was irremediably dense (Irish system, you have to take maths all through school till final exams at 18). I was seated in the crap class next to the school bully, a genuinely frightening, out of control girl who got into a lot of fights. She warmed to me when I set off the fire alarm to avoid a maths test, and warned everyone else to keep away from me, or they’d have to deal with her. That was the only reason I survived my school, which was fairly brutal. She died very young, and had had several prison sentences for drug and violent offences. I think of her often.

No. I was friends with lots of different types of people. I didn't exactly bond with people over our shared knowledge of tectonic plates and tangents.

Not at all. Complete mix. Still do have a complete mix. I’m an academic high flyer (fact rather than boast - it’s not something I particularly value, much as I appreciate the opportunities it has given me). Current close friends are very varied; ranging from left school as soon as they could, up to professors.

I think I gravitated towards people with the same mindset at school - hard working, sporty, generally quite kind. But different levels of ability.

Not at all, but I was (and still am) friends with people from the exact same background, the academic side was irrelevant.

So in the widest meaning, I think we were not that far academically

Really varied. At school, yes to an extent. I’m great friends with people now that I suspect we'd have never talked or socialised in school, whether that's down to academic ability or interests. Two of my favourite people did okay ish in school but flourish in life because they're so well rounded and emotionally intelligent in other ways.

Me and my partner did notice when we were making our guest list for the wedding that well over 90% of friends invites had been to university (and not just because they were friends from university) yet we're both first in our families to go.

O went to grammar school. First three years everything accept Maths was done in our Form group.

My best friends were in different Houses, never had a lesson together.

No, was really varied. I was friends with the autistic kids, the ones with dsylexia, the ones in the top sets. 🤷🏻‍♀️ was friends with everyone in my year group really.

I was in the top set at Grammar School as were all of my friends. We had common interests, liked the same books, went to the theatre together, went cubbing together.

Best friend yes. The rest of small friendship group were mainly the other end of the academic spectrum (although hard workers) and we just enjoyed having similar values and being social misfits together.

I went to a streamed school and had friends in both upper and lower band.

Largely, yes. In sixth form I became friendly with a boy who was two years younger than me and who had been banished to an annex for the most unruly boys. A teacher obviously had concerns about me straying out of my peer group and had a ' little chat' with me. So much for comprehensive education!

We were definitely not encouraged to mix at school.

Not exclusively, but mainly. I realised a while after leaving school that my friends from other year groups tended to be a similar academic level as well even though obviously we didn't share classes.

Not really. I had a weird mishmash of friends from all backgrounds and all academic abilities.

Kind of - we were grungy alternative smart girls but we sometimes hung out with the metal boys.

They weren't considered intelligent and they weren't academic in that they didn't get particularly good grades - but they definitely were smart and into reading and finding out about all sorts of things. Although only what actually interested them!

You gravitate towards the people you are in the same classes with which is normal, nothing wrong with that.

Playing sport was a good way to mix with others who may not have been in as many classes with.

No, but to be very blunt I went to a very non-academic/aspirational school and there wasn’t anyone on my academic level in my year…

I went to a grammar school so most of my peers were around my level.

In primary, most of my friends were probably the more able kids but not all.

Yes, but I went to a small secondary school (I think there were 21 of us in my year). Looking back, my friends were probably mostly the other smart high achieving ones, but that’s because pickings were slim. I didn’t have much in common with the makeup/skincare/fashion girls or the stoner/raver ones, so everyone I was friends with was like me.

Only exception I’d say is that I played a sport quite seriously so I did have other friends from the team, but I didn’t really hang out with them except when we were doing sport stuff. Like we wouldn’t have had lunch together or gone to each other’s houses.

No, my friends were both in bottom set for everything, and had extra support with English. I was only in bottom set for maths.

No, one would be diagnosed with a learning disorder now.