Were you only friends with people at your academic level in school?

[LevelHeadNina]

Thinking back, I’ve realised most of my close friends in school were people who worked at a similar academic level to me. No deliberately, it just kind of happened because we were in the same classes, sets or had the same pressures.

AIBU to wonder if others experienced this too? And if you weren’t friends with people at your level, do you you wish you were/weren’t?

Yes, not intentional, just finding my BFF in the same academic set with matched humour and personality. Also had friends in other sets but we grew apart.

Yes. I went to a large school, but spent most of my time with the same small group of classmates taking the same high level courses and joining the same academic oriented social clubs. My friends were a subset of those students. When we got to end of school celebrations, it was only then that I realized I had no idea who most of the other students in the school even were.

Didn't have friends at school. I was weird. Talked to a girl on the bus though. She was also weird.

No not at all. My mum told me I should make friends with girls who were cleverer than me, but I’d been badly bullied by girls at primary and when I got to secondary I was so happy to meet ones who were nice and accepted me as I was that I didn’t care about their academic level.

Not in primary where I had friends across the ability range, but we were streamed in secondary from the outset and most of my friends were from my class as I was extremely shy. So from 11, yes. None of my primary friends were in my secondary class, it was a small primary and a huge secondary.

My secondary school was sets and streams, so it was hard to meet other people, tbh.

Also - birds of a feather and all that!

But it wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I met people who have the same interests as me (creative pursuits) as I was heavily discouraged from following them by my family as a child and it took me years to shake that off.

No, by then best friend was at the bottom of the class, a couple of my friends were very clever and high achieving, then there were a few like me in the middle, smart enough but more interested in mucking about than studying. The ones I am still friends with are the ones in the middle though, so maybe that means something.

My primary school friends were all of differing abilities, but I went to a private school where I had to pass an entrance exam.It was a shock to the system when I discovered that I was no longer the brainiest in the class (and was probably on the lower end of the range of abilities).
My friendship group all had different strengths. One competed at her sport at junior national level and was brilliant at the arts subject, but couldn't add 2 and 2 together; two others were good at science (going on to do science at uni and then jobs in that field) whereas my strengths were languages and maths.

For the most part yes - just because of the way the sets/gcse options were set out, apart from one girl in our friendship group was always in the middle sets and everyone else was in top set.

We are all still good friends now in out late 30s.

No not really, but I went to a grammar school (kent) so everyone was of a certain academic level.

Yes we were setted for maths/science and I had friends in those classes but we weren't setted for everything, art, or PE or history, RS, IT etc. Did no one do GCSEs outside of their sets? Did you not have a form? I had arty friends as I did art who were completely different ability at maths than me, but were way better at art. Can you quantify academic level? I guess I had friends of similar interests and sense of humour

Some of my friends went to uni, some left school at 16.

No, I was friends with all levels of academic knowledge. I don't understand why you'd want to limit friendships to only people of the same smartness level as yourself.

Similarly, why would you want to spend time with less intelligent people?

It depends if you appreciate people with different types of intelligence or whether by intelligent you just mean academic.

No it was a mix I’d say. I didn’t have classes with many of my close friends tbh.

A bit of both - most of my friends were from my streamed classes, so very similar academically, because that was where I spent most of my time in school - but I also had a few friends that I had known since before streaming and stayed in touch with.

No not really in high school but went to a 6th form/college for A levels that had entry criteria of at least 7 Bs at gcse (at the time) so all my college friends were fairly academic. Though still had a few that went to different colleges too

Yes. So were my kids.

Wow, that's quite a snobby attitude. Just because someone might be less intelligent, doesn't mean they're a useless person. Some of the more intelligent people are usually quite socially crap.

Not at primary school - I was the brightest in the class and my best friend would probably be classed as having SEN now, but in those days she went to what were called "remedial classes". But we were inseparable and I was absolutely heartbroken when her Dad got a new job and they moved away in the last year of primary.
At secondary school yes, I hung out with the other brighter kids. Bullying was rife and being clever was definitely not desirable so nobody else wanted to be friends with us.

I was definitely part of the nerdy/alternative crew (not that we had those words back then) which was a real mixed bag academically - some high flyers that ended up at Oxbridge and the like, some that massively struggled (not through lack of intelligence but what would probably today be diagnosed SEN but was just put down as being weird, inattentive or lazy back then), some were average academically but very artistic or musical. We were all regarded with similarly deep suspicion and dislike by the cool / normal / sporty girls though regardless of whether we were top, middle or bottom of the class though. I think you do tend to gravitate in terms of friendships to people like you, but school academic success is quite a narrow field that doesn't necessarily correlate either to intelligence or to the likelihood of success in life! That's absolutely anecdotally borne out by my friendship group, my friend who was eventually kicked out of school for failing her exams is the most financially successful of the lot (she never got on with school but got into software/ programming young and has made Megabucks) whereas the teachers favourites ended up more middle of the road normal corporate or professional type jobs, the artistic ones of course took slightly alternative pathways (one is a chef, one is a missionary 😬 ) but definitely whatever arbitrary measure you use to 'rank' us in life it wouldn't be the same as school test standings!

I went to a grammar school so yes, but there wasn't really any other option.

No but I would say definitely with people with a similar work ethic so we were mostly high or middle achievers.

Yes because my school operated a setting system.

I really struggled with friendships at the beginning of secondary. I wasn't very bright but I wasn't one of the "naughty" ones either so i didn't really fit in.

My son has learning disabilities and i love that one of his close friends is one of the cleverest children in the year group.

Actually dd2 was friends with all abilities come to think of it. She's more gregarious than dd1. It's good to be able to get on with all sorts.