Don't want to go to a party or any other social gathering for that matter.What to say ?

[Motheroffive999]

Am I being unreasonable?
I am in my 50s , I am getting very antisocial in my middle age.
I work all week and look forward to the weekends , where I relax , do my own thing and only speak to my husband.
I have been invited to a party on Sunday afternoon.
The thought of having my weekend spoilt is really stressing me out.
Lots of people are going and are looking forward to it .
What is wrong with me , why don't I want to go ?
Why is everyone else so enthusiastic about going ?
I don't like going out / shopping or any pre arranged events .
I just walk my dog and enjoy my own company .

Are you batting off invitations left right and center?

I’m ill.
i’m doing something else at that time.

(I’m disabled and regularly have to say no to stuff)

when was the last time you saw the people going?

close friend?

Are you not close to anyone else? I totally get the anti social thing, but sometimes it’s nice to just make the effort for someone else. But if you aren’t close to them then I wouldn’t bother.

Why do you think there is something wrong with you
because you like different things to some others?

is this a recent thing or have you always been this way

You will fit right in on MN. Everybody here calls their husbands their best friend, never leave the house and don't want to talk to anybody.

Just say you have Covid.

"Thank you very much, but I won't be able to attend. I hope you all have a lovely time".
Never apologise, never explain.

And enjoy your quiet afternoon at home!

I just spotted you have 5 kids and work full time? That may be the reason.

I voted YABU

Because how hard is it to say "Ahh thanks, but I don't fancy it this weekend".

Or if you really must tell lies, "Ahh thanks, but I'm busy this weekend".

You just politely decline. Nobody needs or wants a reason for your non attendance. I'm sure they'll be fine without you.

You just decline politely, no need to explain. Just “sorry, I won’t be able to make it on Sunday, hope you have fun”

If they demand an explanation, they’re rude.

Why lie? I invited a neighbour to a BBQ once and he said no thank you, not my thing but asked if I'd pop a burger through his window. The honesty was refreshing. Another friend of mine has made it perfectly clear that she's happy to have a coffee catch up once in a while but she doesn't enjoy parties and like you likes to have quiet weekends with her husband. Doesn't bother me, I still invite her to things and she says no thank you. There is nothing wrong with you, just be yourself and be honest.

And if you really can't be honest just say you can't make it. Don't lie about being ill or anything, people will see right through it.

You don't have to give a reason (thanks for invite, I can't make it but hope you all have a great time!)

You can just say "I dont want to" but something like the one above will go down better

I feel the same about large gatherings in my 50's. Much prefer seeing friends individually. Had a lovely lunch and walk with a friend today.
Have a 'gathering' at the weekend which I'm not looking forward to, but it's work related and will benefit me so I need to go and actually I had a nice time last time so..
For me I just can't concentrate when too many people are talking at once or there's too much noise and it hurts my brain!

Do you think you’ll have a nice time one you get there, even though you dread it in advance? Or is it otherwise worth it to keep a friendship/friendships going that you might value more once life calms down a bit? I’ve turned down a couple of things recently because I’d rather do something quiet with a couple of close friends, or enjoy a peaceful run up to Christmas, so I do get it, but in the long run do you think you’ll have a might regret not investing a little in friendships? Just a thought, there really is no right or wrong

Your happy with steady maybe slower pace of life what’s wrong with that? It’s only the thought of what other people think that’s gonna bother or worry you so block that out.

You're not unreasonable to say no thanks, you can't go. But you say I have been invited to a party on Sunday afternoon. The thought of having my weekend spoilt is really stressing me out. That seems a little extreme when you could just say no. And then: Lots of people are going and are looking forward to it. What is wrong with me , why don't I want to go ? It's fine that a lot of people would love this party and you know you wouldn't; if that's the case then just say no. If you're worried that you might be missing something by not going, could you go to the party for a little bit and leave if you feel uncomfortable?

As I've got older I've realised I only went to parties/gatherings because everyone else did.
Im quite open about my dislike though. I've found once you open up you'll find a LOT of people don't actually enjoy them but just don't admit it to themselves.

I agree, decline politely without reason. People are never as bothered about your presence as you think they might be.

I do think it's worth examining why you feel like this. I also think it's a slippery slope to becoming a bit of a hermit, so I think its worth making the effort sometimes. If you don't like large groups you could arrange to meet these people separately in small groups for a morning coffee on a weekend maybe? Organise something on your terms, but I don't think you should close the door to everything or you might regret it.

Thank you all.
I feel that people know that I really struggle in these situations and make a big thing of " Oh she never goes out ", etc etc , where as I would not make people feel uncomfortable or single a person out.
One invite is fancy dress , which to me is even worse .

Oh no I feel your pain. Fancy dress would be a flat "sorry but no" from me. Why do people do such things 🤣

I'll be the one to invoke the MN maxim:

"It's an invitation, not a summons".

Politely decline and forget about it. No one is owed an explanation.

I feel exactly the same, age 56 and I’m not interested in going out at all!
Unless its to do with my family, DH and DC then I’m not interested. I use the excuse that our DD needs a lift somewhere, shes 15 so I taxi her around.
I have 3 close friends and I go out occasionally with them,
I need to relax after being at work all week, quite happy “hurkle durkling” all day long.

I guess we are all different. After a lifetime of parenting and working, I think this is now my time to enjoy non-family ties. I go out 3 times a week, with friends or on my own.

I’m getting old and antisocial too. But actually, I’m your girl for coffee, lunch, afternoon tea or, say, an afternoon party/barbie. What I utterly hate is going out in the evening!😖