Don't want to go to a party or any other social gathering for that matter.What to say ?

[Motheroffive999]

Am I being unreasonable?
I am in my 50s , I am getting very antisocial in my middle age.
I work all week and look forward to the weekends , where I relax , do my own thing and only speak to my husband.
I have been invited to a party on Sunday afternoon.
The thought of having my weekend spoilt is really stressing me out.
Lots of people are going and are looking forward to it .
What is wrong with me , why don't I want to go ?
Why is everyone else so enthusiastic about going ?
I don't like going out / shopping or any pre arranged events .
I just walk my dog and enjoy my own company .

I think it comes down to how much you value your relationships with the people who invite you to these things. You're free to decline as much as you want but you have to accept that other people might give up on you. Only you know how you feel about that.

Yes, I have given up on friends who never want to go anywhere- even one to one- and made new friends. I guess everyone's happier!

Just say no thanks, I don't really enjoy parties but hope you have fun. Polite but honest.

I’ve spent my life making excuses to avoid social events (I have very severe social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder) but recently I have just started being honest as folk are so keen to talk about their MH issues these days. I just say thanks very much for thinking of me but I really don’t enjoy social occasions.
It seems to get a better reaction thsn excuses which can make me appear rude or standoffish

You're not antisocial, you're unsociable. Antisocial is pissing in someone's kettle. Unsociable is not wanting to be around people.

And that's fine. I am unsociable. Politely decline if you really don't want to go. For me I'd go to it as it's in the afternoon and I can be home for late afternoon or early evening (or earlier depending on how much I'm enjoying it) If it was in the evening I'd say no thanks as I hate going out on an evening.

Would you actually say to someone "thanks but I don't fancy coming? I think that would be so rude!

Oh gosh yes I would and no it's not rude at all!

I mean it wouldn't be the entirety of my reply because that would be short and rude 🤣

So something like, "Ahh thanks but I don't really fancy it. All I want to do these days is relax at weekends. Have a great time!"

It's polite, it's honest and a lot of people can identify with it.

I get why you don’t want to go but just be careful if you’re constantly saying no, it’s good to just put a friend first every now and again and accept an invitation. You never know what could happen in your life, your husband could leave or pass away then you will become more sociable, but the invites may have dried up by then if you never make the effort. But yeah on this occasion if you don’t really want to go just say sorry you can’t make it this time but let me know about next time.

I only go to events to give my husband a social life. I dont think it's fair on him for me to turn stuff down. But I never, ever want to go. I hardly never entertain, apart from family. I am in my 60s and I only felt like this in the last few years. I dovtend to enjoy myself fine when I get there - it's the getting there/anticipation i don't like.

There's nothing wrong with you. It just sounds like you're an introvert, so you relax and recharge by being alone, whereas some people are extroverts, and do so by being with other people. It's probably best just to tell a white lie about illness or other plans.

I'd go only because it is an afternoon gig, and there's a sunset clause on it! Wild horses would not make me to leave my lovely warm house any later than 3pm and home no later than 6pm. That's it, that's me, and I am true to myself, I think!

Of course I make exceptions for family weddings and special occasions, but no, I will not join a group in a pub or restaurant etc. at night anymore. Beyond my payscale, plus I'm older now and couldn't be arsed. I've done all those mad things when I had the energy!

Ha, ha, this is me.

I've never fitted in anywhere before. Hilarious.

It becomes really empowering when you only go to events you want to. If you don’t feel like it just decline the invitation, you don’t even need to give an excuse! The first time I did this I worried what people would think, and they didn’t really think anything and I’m still getting invites so can’t be all that bad!

Telling the truth is by rude, it’s honest and better than making up an excuse.

i quite often ‘say no thanks’ without elaborating when I’m invited to something and yet I still get other invites.

I don’t get the MN obsession with making up lies rather than just say no

I don't think you are that unusual. Your response is possible a response to an overload of everywhere selling 'party outfits', showing people all gathering around at others for parties. And endless party food or showing people going out to restaurants and pubs. Even magazines, witter on about the party season.
It is all commercial. But don't feel bad if you don't do that. Many evenings are not as glam, or as fun as suggested !

evwry time i have evening plans, i spend the whole day dreading it and wishing i didn’t have to go

getting so reclusive in my old age

"I'd love to come - but I can't."

that is all.

or
"thank you for inviting me - I'm afraid I can't come but have a wonderful time".

Avoid excuses & you don't need to explain further.

you could always channel Phoebe Buffay

“I Wish I Could, But I Don't Want To."

Have you thought it might actually be enjoyable? Doing something different and interacting is good for morale. I get not everyone likes to outstep their personal time comfort zone, but I also don't? I'm the same in that I don't want to go out as much anymore but I find making the effort makes life more fun and interesting. There's always something new to learn, unexpected laughs to have, be it just now and again.

Sorry, don't mean to sound flippant, it's just that I do often feel oh I can't be bothered but make the effort and always glad I did. Xx

There is nothing wrong with you .. I've turned 50 recently and gone from going out loving socialising to preferring walks time in my garden early nights in winter .. honestly I think it's just a place you reach in life.
You don't need outside distractions just peace quiet and time to yourself it's healthy x

Ooh, enjoying this thread. It makes me feel I’m in good company. I’m 59. I hate parties or anything small-talky. I enjoy meet ups with friends or family. I also love walking alone or just being alone.

Oh yes, I get that - don’t like going out in the evening. Is it an age thing? Are we hard-wired to retreat to our den at night…

You sound overly anxious about something you just need to say no to.

it sounds like the anxiety is the problem more than the invite?

no thank you, not my thing but asked if I'd pop a burger through his window

This just made me laugh so much I snorted tea through my nose 😂😂😂 That’s some brass neck but I kinda respect it!

There is nothing wrong with preferring your own company or that of just your family.