To think some people just look like they have it all!!

[PunnyOliveTurtle]

Look I KNOW IABU!! I am not in a good place at all these days but this has been playing on my mind since last Saturday. I went to do my shopping (with my measly 65quid budget) and whilst in the supermarket i kept coming across a woman. She was dressed so perfectly...lovely black leggings, a white and black long sleeved top and then a lovely black jumper over it, she had the sleeves rolled up so you could see the striped top peaking out. Her new balances were immaculate...her hair was swishing and had lovely volume...i just thought HOW?!! Got to the checkout and she was ahead of me, her handbag was a mulberry, she had a mountain of shopping with items clearly for DC so she wasn't childless (despite looking like she had 4 hours to get ready) bare in mind it was 9am anyway! Fuck she even smelled expensive!!!
She spend over 150 on what looked like a very healthy weekly shop. I just felt so inadequate. I looked like shit and ill never have the money to be able to look like that.
Look I know I saw a 30min snippet of this woman, and no doubt she will have her issues and traumas...but how so some people seem to just carry themselves so well. She was so chatty and friendly with the cashier too, she genuinely seemed like a nice person.
I just needed a vent...

I know someone like this. Her DC spends a lot of time strapped in a buggy watching YouTube on mummy’s phone while mummy glams up / does her thing . Nothing to aspire to
.

Do people realise that these posts only say unpleasant things about themselves?

Instead of being jealous of someone else like that, why don't you make an effort about yourself? If you really didn't care, you wouldn't be so bitter, so you clearly DO care. Use them as an example instead of being resentful, it only affects you.

Im debt free no kids all bills paid a month in advance.
But it took me nearly 2 year to clear it all.
I look like a tramp on the best of days.
If i have to scrub up for something then I will and I look the part,but it's all cheap and knock off.

Im poor to mn standards.
I dont do a fancy shop as I have no need to do so.

But you have to look at the good things you have we all have something going on.
Maybe this lady has debt maybe she doesn't,maybe she as kids stuff for her family and she dont have kids.
Maybe it's her style to dress like she dose.

Years ago I envied people that walked around town with coffee in hand, just mooching around, talking to mates etc, me thinking ffs I wish I could do that.

Guess who dose it now ME.
Im still poor but I'm in a better place to poor if you no what I mean.
I made better choices sorted my debt I took control of my life.
It was hard to start and stick to, but it worked out.

I dont look at people now and think I wish I was you I think maybe they done what I did and worked hard to make change.

I style my hair and wear full make up to Asda every Saturday morning but i do it because it's about the only chance I get most weeks to actually feel put together after spending Monday to Friday getting up at 3.45 and just about managing to drag a brush through my hair before donning my very unstylish hi viz and safety boots.

Which supermarket?

She might have put herself into debt to cheer herself up (whether it worked or not) because she/her child/her parent/her best friend has cancer. She might be so up to her eyeballs in debt that she might lose her house. She might be renting instead of buying. She might live with her parents (with her husband and children squashed in too, or maybe her husband has left her).

I've always thought I should be lucky for what I have.

You never, ever, ever know what another person's life is like.

She might have worked really hard and focused on her career pre-children, she might now have a high income job and enjoying the rewards for her kids. She might be careful to buy what suits her, and go to the gym or exercise instead of wasting time on MN (like I am)

She might just be like the thousands of young woman who are just getting on with their lives and making the best of what they've been given. And who want to look back at photos with their kids not thinking "I looked crap there".

I got asked the other day by someone I work with how I always look so ‘poised and polished’ - I think it’s learned / practiced if I’m honest.

I have horses so there are days I look like a dogs dinner don’t get me wrong, but a lot of the time I would say I am well turned out without a lot of upfront effort.

Small things are the foundation -

Nails - Done every two weeks. Always (blue toned) red. Red goes with every colour I wear. Toes done once a month in same colour but no one really sees that!

Hair - Highlighted and styled in a low maintenance style, but I am good at styling it and I use products to make it last so there’s days I can get up, shake it out a clip and it’s ready.

Makeup - I don’t wear anything else on the daily except moisturiser, mascara, bronzer, eyebrows filled and a bit lip gloss.

Skincare - keep it hydrated and moisturised. Occasional sunbed to keep a healthy glow.

Perfume - Not for everyone - but I like to smell good but I think a good skin lotion is the base. Then a good perfume if you can afford it. I actually prefer men’s stuff, it’s sharper / fresher.

Jewellery - Small, delicate, deliberate pieces that work with your skin tone. I can wear both metals so I wear silver with navy and blue, gold with green, red and tan, and either with white. I’m currently wearing a silver blue and clear stone set I got from TKMaxx for £20 three years ago? I love it!

Handbags - I have two. One Mango one that was £30 but matches most of my outfits, and a tan Fairfax one that goes with LOADS. It was a treat years ago.

Clothes - I know what colours work with my skin tone and I stick to that palette. Cool red, forest / emerald green, cobalt blue, navy, white and tan. Never purple, orange or yellow. Pink at a push has to be deep, hot pink. Then I can have a capsule wardrobe of pieces I can interchange.

I buy clothes to last. I am wearing jackets and shirts I’ve had for 15+ years. These days, I lean heavily into Vinted to buy designer stuff cheaper - but a lot of my pieces are also high street. Mango & Next are my go to’s. My style is between country chic (teeth itches using that phrase but that’s how best to describe it) and Boardroom Chic with most days being a middle ground. Currently on my way back from London wearing flared (well fitting) Mango jeans, Next heels, Lilysilk striped shirt and a Next blazer. It’s my favourite outfit, I wear it at least twice a week and it could probably be replicated on Vinted for about £40. My power suit for work cost me £50 from Mango.

And the most important thing? Confidence. Walk tall. Walk with deliberation. Shoulders back. Don’t rush, take a breath, LOOK like you have all day to do something. Trust me - those five seconds in your busy brain are barely a second in real life. Learn to communicate with intent / make those around you feel valued and important. Dont apologise for the space you take up.

In short? Act as you want to be seen, and fake it till you make it 💁🏼‍♀️

Start small. And make time for yourself.

There will always be people like that. No idea how they do it.

OP I also have a £65 weekly shop budget. You wouldn’t know that to look at me probably on the food shop (unless you see my old battered car in the car park!), but I am dropping balls on work and family fronts, trying to juggle it all and doing so on a tight budget while paying down debt. So 1) you’re not alone and 2) you can never really tell from someone’s appearance or their shopping trolley what they are going through.

she might be put together on the outside but in an abusive relationship for example. I know it’s hard but try not to compare yourself. Just focus on some ways for you to feel better.

Someone looking stylish and well groomed doesn't mean they have it all, it just means they prioritise being stylish and well groomed.

I agree with posters saying "effortlessly put together" usually does take effort of some sort. Either they've been brought up to always think about what suits them and automatically build grooming into their daily routines. Or they more consciously invest time and money into planning their look.

I really love the glamorous Instamum look, all neutral colours, wool and cashmere, swishy hair, perfect manicure. But my attempts to recreate it are a bit meh and I'm not sure quite where I'm going wrong but I probably just dont care enough to plan it properly. I'm wfh today wearing some good quality black leggings and an oversized cream cashmere jumper and I still look like Instafrump rather than Instamum 😂 Hair dried funny as i was rushing so now scraped into a stubby ponytail. Gel nails starting to grow out/chip a bit but I'm going to try and get another week out of them because i like a bargain. This is why ...

I used to work with someone who was so stylish. She wasn't exactly "pretty" but she always looked like she had just strolled off a catwalk to meet her fans. People would literally turn their heads as she passed. Her outfits looked so put together I'm sure she must have spent a fortune but when I asked her once she told me cheerfully that her top was Primark and trousers from Dorothy Perkins. I noticed she would have different jewellery and accessories each day to compliment the outfit. I tend to wear the same necklace for weeks because I can't be bothered to take it on and off, same with handbags- have several but only swap them over every few months as it seems like a faff. It's those sort of little routine habits that can make a difference

I shop for myself in Lidl and spend roughly £20 a week on grub. And it's healthy.

There are lots of ladies at my gym like this, they are all lovely and friendly, look great, seem really positive and are always off doing exciting things.

For some being well presented at all times is a priority, it also helps if you have a good figure and the time and money but not always the case.

She was nice, friendly, she just likes to look her best. Quite possibly well off by the sounds of it, no one knows her circumstances.

Me, when I go out wearing my dog walking clothes to pick up a few bits, I accept I look casual, windswept hair etc. When I do it on way from work I know I look smart and business like and often feel overdressed! Xx

OP one of my customers is stunning, constantly wearing new clothes, size 6, stunning, must pay a fortune for her hair. Her house is an Instagram house, it's immaculate filled with coordinated furniture etc but.....I know she doesn't have a lot of money. She struggles to pay me every month, they can't afford to go on holiday and she's always juggling money around, sometimes her mum pays me.
I think people who are gorgeous and slim and who can put an outfit together make us feel inadequate but its not always as it seems.

She sounds like my MIL. She’s rich and always looks and smells immaculate, where as I look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards!

I think some people are just naturally good at styling themselves.

Are you doing your sbsolute best op? Because if you are then that's all you can do, if you can't match this woman's standards ( and why should you? ) then set some of your own. Make an effort to ensure your hair is brushed and tidy every morning, only takes 5 mins, go through your wardrobe and put together some nice outfits, tops and bottoms that match and complement, then you can get dressed without thinking about it too much, make sure your shoes are always clean etc. If you feel good about yourself you'll start to look much more confident. Bet this lady didn't look so together without at least a bit of effort

I have a woman like this on the periphery of my life - gorgeous and warm when I see her chatting to others, always dressed in a way that screams understated wealth, immaculate car despite three DC, and what I swear is the best behaved dog in the United Kingdom who is happy to stand tied outside the school gate for 450 kids to pat.

I find my reaction to her hilarious. I can't help myself. I can't even dislike her, she is middle class mum perfection personified. I found myself getting irritated that she would park on double yellows two minutes early and needed to have a word with myself.

I don’t think I ever look good these days 😆
If I do get to go clothes shopping I feel totally overwhelmed with different shops and choices .
I am small , size 10-12 , I don’t feel like I am in proportion and if I go to an independent clothes shop where they actually try to help you, I find that worse .
They bring all this stuff !!! but they don’t stock petite fit so the fit is hit and miss.
I always feel obliged to get something or other and then don’t wear it enough.
if I try to have a capsule wardrobe of neutral clothing I look like a wrung out dishrag
I have hair that misbehaves too ( wavy ) and my makeup I always rush doing it so it doesn’t last well 😭
It doesn’t sound like this young woman was doing anything special or wearing anything special but she does sound “ put together “

I am lucky that I have no money problems but if you looked at me few years ago after second pregnancy you could never tell that. I was slightly overweight, didn’t buy anything for myself for years because I didn’t enjoy buying in bigger size, also I didn’t know how to style myself. I grew up poor and my mum has a terrible sense of style. On other hand my friend who’s completely broke always looks immaculate and like she’s super rich - she has an amazing style and says - my looks is the only good thing going in my life right now. So you really can’t tell by looking at someone.

so I lost all the baby weight and was finally in the mood of buying clothes. I followed few Instagram influencers who have my body type who provide links to their styling and I started buying outfits I liked - the whole compositions, or looked if I already had something in my wardrobe to substitute. I took screenshots of the outfits I liked. The girls that I follow wear Zara, H&M etc so high street and you can definitely substitute from vinted. Mainly plain colours - white, black, beige, gold accessories add to looking more expensive, wearing a belt with most of my outfits has been such a game changer. I’ve always had a good skin routine and wore spf since turning 30(long time ago🫣). Now I feel great in my body and my clothes and I’m a happy mother of 2 so I could be that lady you saw (with no drama in my life). Honestly it doesn’t cost much to look stylish but you need to commit to it, Instagram is your friend even if you buy 1 full outfit every couple of months.

Everybody has their troubles. My neighbor looks a bit like the lady you describe. Both her children are in private school. Has a huge house. Two Cars. Holidays etc. Actually she is seriously ill. Has been in intensive care this year and in an out of hospital. If you didn’t know her well you would never know.

I always seem to associate that annoying phrase with rich people who don’t associate money with emotions. It’s just always there and they become numb to it, forgetting that their happiness actually relies so much on their money.
Then they tell the rest of us it’s easy to be happy just be happy you don’t need money to do that for you. Lol.

Well I spent quite a long time getting ready each morning - doing my makeup, hair etc. My DH watches the kids while I do this. So alternatively, the woman in the OP might just have a good husband?

She could be married to a drug dealer,
,work as a sex escort or be up to neck in debt. Or God help us. Worst still a wannabe Ghislaine
Maxell.

Personally think some designer stuff is.a bit tacky. Resort of the tasteless with loads of money.

You could have easily have been describing me to an extent. I don't have to keep too much track of my weekly shop (though I do as I hate spending more than is necessary), I’ve got a mulberry bag, I always wear decent perfume, wash and blow dry my hair most days and have decent clothes on. I am very sociable out and about, chat happily, smile and look happy.
but.
I have had untold trauma in my life that means I have had weekly therapy for years, and I’m not sure I’ll ever recover. No one apart from a handful of friends and my husband know how messed up my life has been because of how I have been treated. I bet I look like I have it all, but I’d do anything not to live with the mental pictures that I endure.

but whether she has it all, look like she has it all, is happy or sad, solvent or drowning in debt, you are valid in your views but maybe some small changes might help you view yourself more positively because I bet you are a wonderful person! And if you believe in yourself that will show more than a fancy handbag.