Is this now normal 8/9 year old girl behaviour?

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Those with girls in year 4 (so age 8/9) - is it normal for the girls to be absolutely horrible to each other? I am getting so exasperated by the daily accounts of sly comments, very blatant attempts to cause upset feelings and undermine others confidence by starting rumours, dirty looks, plus also when did 8/9 year olds start talking about buying skincare at Sephora, applying lip gloss in the classroom, wearing crop tops on mufti day and sneering at those in the class who don’t 😳
is this normal? Or is it just the school I’ve clearly stupidly sent DD to?
Advice welcome! Thanks!

My niece is 8 and the girls in her year are horrible.

At home/with family she loves her cuddles. She loves to curl up, watch a bit of peppa and Bluey, she still sleeps with her bunny every night.

At school she’s a different person because the ring leader of her group has decided cuddly toys are baby-ish and they’re all into Sephora and makeup.

It’s absolutely awful and makes my heart hurt for her. Sadly her mum has decided that this girl is someone she wants my niece to be friends with as the girl’s family have a bit of money and they’re quite well to do.

I remember the horribleness of girls that age from when I was a kid and I’m 45 now!

the skincare obsession is new though and I think stems from TikTok

My grand daughter is 7 and has had this type of bullying aimed at her already!

Thanks for starting this thread, OP, it’s so helpful to see what others are experiencing.

My DD is 9 and in year 5. The mean girl behaviour in the class started last year, and it’s been very tricky.

DD has suspected ASD and ADHD so I’ve been thinking it’s sort of down to her not navigating the social stuff as well as she might but reading this thread makes me realise it’s just generally difficult!

Thankfully there’s only one girl in the class into make up and skincare (pushed by her mum, who calls my DD ‘a tomboy’ 🙄), and it hasn’t taken off at all among the others.

However, it’s a very screen/device heavy class and there is almost no socialising that’s not screen-based. Most kids seem to be past toys altogether. We’re quite low screens for our kids, who don’t have their own devices, so that’s a hard one to navigate.

When my daughter was at primary school thinking back it was around the same age she and her friends had a spate of falling out with each other over silly things.
They had a fantastic teacher and she assured me it was a sort of rite of passage.
My daughter went on to be a primary teacher herself and she noticed the same behaviour around year 4/5 with the girls.
My son and his friends however never had any issues he still has the same friends he was at nursery with.
It's a girl thing.

Whatever about the teddy rabbit thing, and 8 year old watching peppa is out of the norm unless ND. Not worth bullying anyone about but her peers will find it strange because it is strange.

I have boys, but I clearly remember friends with daughters having issues from quite early on in primary. I remember been shocked that it started so young 🙁

It's not strange. They are kids and should be allowed to be kids. Mine is 8 and doesn't watch PP, but does like Bluey, Grizzly and the lemmings, Puffin rock and Hey Duggee (as well as some bits for older kids).

It’s interesting to read about the influence of older siblings. I hadn’t thought about it before, but DD (age 10 and in Year 6) is in a class where most of the girls are the oldest, or only children. A couple of the girls have older brothers, and one of DD’s friends has an older sister (who is into Doctor Who and Studio Ghibli films, and not interested in fashion and skincare according to their mum).

DD hasn’t had any of the friendship issues in the past few years, apart from the occasional minor falling out. None of the girl in her class are into skincare/ make-up/ following fashion trends, and I would say very few, if any, have their own phones. The school is a smartphone free school, and other parents would be disapproving if you allowed your child access to social media like Instagram and TikTok.

It seems like it’s very much dependent on the class culture and parental culture.

Yep this was normal when I was at school years ago. I got in with the nastiest girl as a result, to prevent her from picking on me.

Bit early. We had issues from about y5

I have a year 5 girl and was told it was normal the nastiness towards each other from year 4 but not had anything yet. The children don't have mobile phones and no make up etc unless it's painting nails at a party which my daughter has twice now since year 4. Doesn't sound normal in my experience but no idea if it's across the country the same.

Likewise 9 year old girl here and all the girls play with dolls and make believe and watch bluey. Love the fact all the children in the school are children

Whatever about the teddy rabbit thing, and 8 year old watching peppa is out of the norm unless ND. Not worth bullying anyone about but her peers will find it strange because it is strange

My 7.5 yo DD still happily watches Peppa/Bluey etc (along with some more mature stuff.)

She plays with toys still and I have just had to Google Sephora as I have never heard of it!

My DD is a wonderful happy child who likes horses, sports, riding her bike, crafts, playing with Sylvanian Families and Barbies. Long May it last.

Most of her friends are similar. There is one who is trying to be a big cool but I’m not encouraging that friendship.

Think it depends on the cohort - DD1's cohort have been a bit "squealy hen night" from the outset and got into the skincare (in a mild - "lip gloss and moisturiser" level) fairly early on (and as her mother I have never been IN a Sephora so she didn't get that from me and I usually look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards), but the inter girl bickering was lowish level, led by one complete pain in the arse in the year group, and seems to have settled relatively quickly - but did tend to kick off around that age. DD1 continues to be much more open to peer pressure (mitigated by a spectacular intolerance for anything she views as idiocy)

DD2's cohort were younger natured - but they were fucking foul getting towards that age - to the point we ended up moving schools, and it was really really led by the mothers intentionally excluding the parents and kids they took a dislike to - poor autistic DD2 with an autistic mum had no fucking chance and it got absolutely vicious at that age. That particular cohort don't seem to have improved much as they've got older, but DD2 has found a tribe she seems to gel with as she got into secondary age.

I’m in inner London so you might expect more issues with growing up too soon but not a bit of it. No makeup or skin care amongst any of DD’s peers (and it’s 3 form entry so pretty big). The girls are past toys I think but there’s still some imaginary games. Play dates are mostly crafting / listening to music and making up dances. I haven’t encountered any bullying but there’s a lot of falling out, big emotional melt downs etc. I do think it’s a tricky transitional age but for us it’s not been too bad.

I have a year 4 boy and I hear a lot from the girls’ parents that there is some friendship drama.

Also - I’m in London and the whole Sephora and skincare and social media / screens for children thing is VERY out of fashion here. Parents do not allow their children to get involved in that stuff.

There’s also drama with year 4 boys. But then there was friendship always drama! Even in reception! It’s kids trying to work friendships out.

Just don't give children phones or buy them slutty clothes and make-up.
Rise above the BS.

(yes I have girls)

Some years after my son left primary he told me that one girl in particular used to be really nasty and bullying to another classmate because they were a bit short for their age. I was really shocked because I honestly thought she was a lovely girl (her mum always seemed so nice, though we were only on nodding/good morning terms). This girl was smart, pretty and popular and from what seems like a loving family. I just couldn’t understand why she would choose to bully another kid. I still see her mum and dad around locally, though haven’t seen the girl since primary (she’ll be mid twenties now). Her mum probably never even knew.

I only have boys myself and have never experienced anything like that with them. They rarely ever fall out with each other and there’s never any drama.

My DSD however has constant drama and falling outs with her friends which did start around the age of 8 and has continued for the last 4 years. And yes, all obsessed with looks, clothes and makeup.

Yes ! And definitely worse in year 5 and 6. I’ve noticed it varies with schools and fortunately they’re in the minority at my son’s primary but they’re still there . I feel lucky to have boys but even they get have had the mean girl treatment from time to time. He’s in year 6 now and has a phone for practical reasons . The nastiness in the WhatsApp groups is vile sometimes

“Slutty” clothes? I mean I’m not the biggest fan of clearly adult styles on young kids but that’s just a bit much. Casting aspersions and slurs about different choices is exactly the kind of behaviour you don’t want in the kids.
I’ve not got my Y5 a phone either as tend to agree the bad outweighs the good but people all have different circumstances and what works for one family won’t for another and it’s never as simple as just do exactly the same as someone else and have no issues

No sign of it in my daughter or her friends (they're 8 mostly) so I don't think it's typical. They're all just obsessed with Labubu and Minecraft.

As a teacher, yes. Girls are horrible to each other at this age. Nasty comments, leaving others out all very normal sadly. So annoying and tedious. The skincare thing I don’t think is normal at that age. More y7/8 id say from experience.

What would “slutty” clothes be for an 8/9yo?!