Is this now normal 8/9 year old girl behaviour?

[Orangeorganic]

Those with girls in year 4 (so age 8/9) - is it normal for the girls to be absolutely horrible to each other? I am getting so exasperated by the daily accounts of sly comments, very blatant attempts to cause upset feelings and undermine others confidence by starting rumours, dirty looks, plus also when did 8/9 year olds start talking about buying skincare at Sephora, applying lip gloss in the classroom, wearing crop tops on mufti day and sneering at those in the class who don’t 😳
is this normal? Or is it just the school I’ve clearly stupidly sent DD to?
Advice welcome! Thanks!

I have a year 3 boy, and I can see already that some kids (usually with older siblings) see his gentle nature as something that can be pushed around. Still early days for this, and I'm trying to role play/ give him options/ resilience. But it is hard.

I remember school and year 5 being the big turning point between girls who wanted to be teens already, and girls who still wanted to play with barbies (I was in the latter camp, but also one of the youngest in the year). I suspect it is worse now with social media and also the average age of puberty onset being younger nowadays.

Thankfully non of the girls in DD’s class have older sisters. This might be one reason why they are all quite childlike still.

This point in year 4 is a little early, but yr 5&6 girls are generally awful. The skin care / crop top and hot pants thing tends to vary by class. It’s probably a mix of parents, older siblings and social media influencers.

My son found that in yr 7 none of girls spoke to any of the boys at school, even though most have known each other since school nursery. The mean girls are still being mean in yr 9. 🙄

It’s normal for girls that age who have mobile phones and access to social media and it seems blatantly obvious that this would be the result.

Girls at this age can get like this unfortunately, not all obviously but there can be an element of it. I work in a First school (Reception - Year 4) and we do see more arguments, bickering etc with the girls. It's not uncommon!!

Weren't they always like this?!

Kids are being raised on Tik Tok that's the issue

Previous generations blamed TV…music… even books.

Everu generation blames something.

We don't see this at my dd's school. It's a little village christian school, although I'm not sure many of the students/parents are actually religious, but the school does instill good ethics. There's also not very many pupils there which probably helps. It may be that my dd has been lucky enough to have a good set of friends, but I've not heard or seen any of the above things mentioned. The thought of secondary school scares me tbh as I think it'll be a big jump from what they have now.

Mean girls yes, absolutely, and crop tops. Lovely school and my older son never had any issues so pretty sure it's normal for girls in this age group. There seem to be a lot of power games going on with a fight for the 'queen bee' position and if you don't have a BFF you're a nobody. I haven't heart much about skin care..yet. You sound like you've got one who tells you everything like me. It's exhausting but I'm glad she is able to get it off her chest. From memory I think it all gets better in sixth form.

And the ones to blame are the parents of these girls, the mothers are mostly to blame. Mean women raising mean daughters because they felt inadequate at school.

Yes

In my experience it heavily depends on each particular class, it can only take one or two nasty girls to totally change the dynamic in a group of kids.

I agree. Only have boys but the mean girls def do have mean mums. Those who don't get pulled up immediately for nasty behaviour.
@Orangeorganic I am sure there are Nice girls in your dds class- she just have to stick to them and ignore the others.

Thankfully this is not the case with us.

Some bff issues but no meanness. No make up or crop top.

This is a cohort with very few girls having teenage sisters, and most parents are dead against social media / smart phone until secondary school.

Crop tops were banned in my ds primary (state) and now in his secondary (private). Very few girls wore makeup in year 6.

Or others in the class, my daughter asks regularly to go to Sephora - yet to visit as I always avoid it. My make up is older than she is I wear it so rarely - its just not my thing. I last went to a Sephora in 2005!

She has friends who get bought £35 lip glosses as a treat - I wouldn't even by it for a birthday present!

Flip side of my daughter we still have a stack of Our Generation that she will play with but no one is allowed to know!

A bit of unkindness here and there which thankfully the school are quick to squash (and the parent messaged to apologise also and a written note of apology from the other girl on the following day).

They do all seem quite self aware at a much younger age. It seems some of the girls have a natural instinct at game playing and cattiness and some just don’t yet.

No skincare or crop tops yet either (not allowed unless on summer hols anyway in this house!).

My DD is in year six and we’ve had none of this. She and her friends are mostly into musicals and animals, and the falling out are all temporary and easily resolved.
mind you, I get the impression that things might be different with some of the other girls, who she isn’t friendly with (not enemies, just they don’t hang out). That group seems a lot more “mature” (they get skincare products at Christmas etc) and from what I can tell their friendships are more volatile. I think we were really lucky that there are other girls like my DD in her class or else she would be in with that crowd.

Seems common. My daughter is 8, one of the older ones in her class.
Majority of her class already have a phone, in fact a girl she has played with since nursery but is only 7, has just been given a phone.
All wear makeup, have their eyebrows shaped, won't play outside if its windy incase their hair gets ruined.
They all fall out quite a lot but make up just as quick.
I have two younger girls also, pray for me. And maybe send gin

Its hilarious that ye all have the kids that are not like those kids. 🤔

Even worse that people think its just girls. The boys are just as bad.

And all you women sitting there enabling your boys to think girls are just dramatic and mean are actually the worst.

Seems to me ye are a bunch of mean girls judging some kids.

I have 8&10yo girls and their friends are lovely. No big dramas. Some girls will wear some makeup to school discos, but it’s usually bright blue eyeshadow etc and seems more like dressing up. Though there’s definitely parents who frown at other parents for allowing and it’s in minority. None of their friends have phones, I think they’d probably all like one but know there’s no chance. Some girls have clearly started puberty. One of my eldests friends I know started her periods in year 4, and is such a lovely caring girl - no bitchiness cause of hormones. Some of their friends have crushes and some aren’t interested at all. They’re very supportive and encouraging of each other.

The boys however are (mostly) horrid. It’s changed my interpretation of slugs, snails and puppy dog tails….. pretty sure it was meant they pulled the puppy dog tails off themselves….

That’s in 2 cohorts!! I’d think maybe it’s a school specific issue.

Wait until she becomes a teenager 🙈🙈🙈🙈

Urgh year 4/5 were hard going. It gets better.