Ex Letting DS6 Watch Harry Potter

[Lestranged]

Name changed as if the ex (or anyone IRL) sees this it will be outing and I don't want it connected to previous threads.

Ex and I divorced around 2.5 years ago and DS6 is now with her EOW during term time, 50/50 over school holidays.

Ex has read Harry Potter to DS from a young age, but only the first three books. We agreed around a year ago that DS was okay to watch the first three films. I was less keen because I thought it would lead to him wanting to watch the later films which in my opinion are not suitable for young children.

DS was with Ex over the weekend and casually mentioned that he has now watched all of the Harry Potter films. I assumed he was either mistaken or lying so I asked Ex (we have a generally amicable and good co-parenting relationship). It turns out that Ex has let DS watch ALL of the films including the two Deathly Hallows.

For context, DS currently seems fine but has recently been prone to nightmares and I have only managed to get him back to sleeping in his own bed in the last couple of months. I watched Home Alone with him last weekend and he was scared by some elements of that.

I know there is nothing I can do about it, but I am really angry with Ex for doing this. I guess I just want to see what other MNetters think about it and what (if anything) I should do or say.

YABU - it is fine for DS to have watched this and I am overreacting
YANBU - no parent in their right mind would have allowed a 6YO to watch these films

I hear you - I feel a lot of male narrators have that issue on audio books!

my dd was hugely comforted by then disappearing behind the veil, and dumbledore coming back. The torture is horrible but the portrayal of death itself isn’t, and I suspect that’s due to Jk losing her mum

I hope he remains okay - he can be a bit of a slow burner sometimes, he'll keep thinking away on something and it'll manifest later. I'm a bit stuck for now though, I don't want to start asking him about it in case that triggers things so I will wait and see

No, sorry, the books are indisputably better, because parts of the films don’t even make sense if you haven’t read the books. PoA is probably one of the worst for this. If you’ve never read the book, you finish the film not knowing that Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs (whose names are mentioned quite a few times) are Lupin, Pettigrew, Sirius, and James, for heaven’s sake, As for the HBP film, you’ll finish it knowing that Snape is the Half-Blood Prince, but with no idea what that even means!

If the books are such a slog, maybe OP’s son isn’t old enough for them yet. And that’s fine. They weren’t written for little kids and the later films aren’t for little kids either.

I don’t think we’ll agree on this one. There is much in the books that doesn’t make sense either….

But more importantly, please do just keep an eye on your ableism. Many kids finding books “such a slog” are actually dealing with a learning disability, and for many books will always be a slog to a greater or lesser degree - regardless of age. They may be cognitively ready for richer stories than Biff, Chip and Kipper, but “mechanically” unable to access them. Should they be locked out of enjoying stories, because the mechanics of reading simply don’t work for their brains?

@YankSplaining @TiredofLDN
I am a big fan of both of your enthusiasm for this subject!
FWIW I have never read the books because I actually struggle greatly with reading, even in my 40s. I can read, thankfully, but I find it exhausting and reading for more than five minutes usually isn't fun for me. I am working very hard with DS's school to try to make sure he has an easier time of it than I do in the future, but I accept that he may well end up in the same boat.
I don't know if the books are far superior to the films, I do remember thinking that some things in the films didn't make sense and (please don't flog me) kind of forgetting the whole point of why everyone was caught up in a big battle by the last film 😆
I do strongly believe that DS should have been read the books before seeing the films though - he could have been more prepared for the themes and / or made a more informed decision about whether to watch them. Not that I think the decision should have been his to make if I am honest.
Ex has plainly stated that he was fine throughout and afterwards and she let him watch them because he had been "asking for weeks"

Not to go off on a tangent- but has your little guy been assessed for dyslexia, OP?

Made a huge difference for us with DS- who is really bright, but was hugely frustrated by not being able to access texts etc. interestingly also has sleep problems - vivid dreams, parasomnias etc- which can be part of the disability.

I wouldn’t want my 6yr old DS watching the later films.
I read HP books to my son when he was younger but spaced them out as he grew up. After all, Harry is 10yrs old in the first book. A 10yr old is a lot more mature than a 6yr old!

The first 3 books and films are ok but then they start to get quite dark and I don’t think a young child should be exposed to those themes until they’re approaching teen years.

I definitely judge parents who wilfully ignore the ratings guide and expose kids to stuff that is wholly inappropriate.

Thank you - he is currently being assessed by the school for all sorts of things including dyslexia. His previous school did a terrible job of things and he missed a lot of Year 1 academic learning as a result. He's been in a new school since summer term Year 1 and they were keen to see how much was just "catching up" and how much support he needed. They are brilliant and pushing forward with assessments now.

Honestly I think the scariest part in all of the Harry Potter films is in the first one 😂 I shut my eyes for it then first few times I seen the film when I was a kid.

I also accidentally saw the bit in Jaws when the head pops out the boat when I was really young and I was totally traumatised over it, had nightmares for years, but it wasn't as if my dad showed me it on purpose, he didn't even know I was there until I was upset. Could something similar have happened with the Scream situation that you mentioned?

I think some parentsose their minds over HP. (And I'm a fan). They are children's books aimed at higher Primary and lower Secondary... not small children. The 12 A certificate was introduced as too many "childrens" films weren't actually suitable for that age group.. so they left it to parents.

Then when the children are actually in the age group the books and films are aimed at, its seen as childish.

I definitely think this would explain the Scream situation but Ex flatly denies even watching it for 20 years or more....which is confusing!

That is odd!!
In my situation, I had woken up in the night and seen that the light was still on downstairs, so went down to see dad, saw that he was watching a film so didn't want to disturb him, so hung about in the hall like a little creep until the film scared me 😂😂 I must only have been about 4/5, but I honestly had nightmares until I was about 12 about bloody sharks.

Also the bit in the first Harry Potter film I'm on about is the bit were they go in the forest and Voldemort is drinking the unicorn blood. Easily the scariest bit in the whole series for me 🙈

I’m still traumatised by watching the original “Watership Down”. Sobbed and was heartbroken and scared. Also watched the black & white “Lord of the Flies” was I was 7, just awful played on mind for over a decade.

I've shown my DCs all sorts of things accidentally.

I started watching the first series of Benidorm with one of them not realising at first.......

He was quickly shooed from the room.

I'm not sure if we had age ratings in 1970s Australia but I recall watching Jaws when it first came out on tv. As I am now 51 I must have been - 5-ish?

I could not go in a bath or pool for years and years.

Went to the cinema a few weeks back because of the 50th anniversary (Jaws in 3D!!!!) and realised what a true classic is it!

I guess it depends on the kid but I think 6 is too young for any of the Harry Potter films.

Do you know, I’m sure my dc saw some scream clip or ad on social media, because they knew about it despite me never having watched it.

He described every detail of the opening sequence, not a clip from social media

Yeah still - I do think, as an over thinker too, with co parenting you have to let some things go. I’ve no idea what the opening scene of scream is, but there are tonnes of what I’d call inappropriate things on social media even with controls setup that my dc have seen at school, friends have seen and described etc. parents are one slice of a big amount of influences.

Technical error; double post.

It’s not “ableist” to say that a six-year-old might find a book written for older children to be a slog. I have ADHD, as do my mother and both my children, and I don’t appreciate being speech-policed on this, thanks.

Oh I agree- it is an aside and I did let it go / haven't done anything about it. Only mentioned it to the Ex because DS was having nightmares every night about it and he was due to be at her house.
I have indeed "let it go" with this current HP thing too.
I completely understand that she is his parent too and able to use her judgement when he is with her. It doesn't stop me from worrying or bleating on about it on MN though 😉

I can comment thanks.

you supposedly were asking for opinions on if you were being unreasonable. I commented that you are.

hth

That’s what mumsnet is for! I don’t think I’d have stayed married to her either!

Am not going to argue, have said what I thought- cool for you to disagree, and if you think it’s speech policing to ask for more inclusive dialogue, that’s up to you. 🤷‍♀️