Ex Letting DS6 Watch Harry Potter

[Lestranged]

Name changed as if the ex (or anyone IRL) sees this it will be outing and I don't want it connected to previous threads.

Ex and I divorced around 2.5 years ago and DS6 is now with her EOW during term time, 50/50 over school holidays.

Ex has read Harry Potter to DS from a young age, but only the first three books. We agreed around a year ago that DS was okay to watch the first three films. I was less keen because I thought it would lead to him wanting to watch the later films which in my opinion are not suitable for young children.

DS was with Ex over the weekend and casually mentioned that he has now watched all of the Harry Potter films. I assumed he was either mistaken or lying so I asked Ex (we have a generally amicable and good co-parenting relationship). It turns out that Ex has let DS watch ALL of the films including the two Deathly Hallows.

For context, DS currently seems fine but has recently been prone to nightmares and I have only managed to get him back to sleeping in his own bed in the last couple of months. I watched Home Alone with him last weekend and he was scared by some elements of that.

I know there is nothing I can do about it, but I am really angry with Ex for doing this. I guess I just want to see what other MNetters think about it and what (if anything) I should do or say.

YABU - it is fine for DS to have watched this and I am overreacting
YANBU - no parent in their right mind would have allowed a 6YO to watch these films

I voted YANBU because I wont let me DS8 watch the last 2 yet. We only started letting him watch any of them around 6 years. DD4 has watched the first 45 thought as not like I can stop her if her brother is watching them.

BUT it really is up to your ex what she does on her time and what she thinks is appropriate for your shared child. I know children who are younger who would be fine with them and older who still don't watch them.

I re-watched DH Pt1 last night after my conversation with Ex and yes, within the first five minutes a teacher is shown to be tortured, killed and then (off screen, but very obviously) eaten by a giant snake.
Practically every other scene features main characters and their families being attacked and essentially fighting for their lives.

Although look the first how to train your dragon has dragons being enslaved and fighting to the death - my dd and I find that terrifying too.

Dolores umbridge in order of the phoenix is a terrifying character. So is the trunchball in Matilda -
being forced to eat until you spew etc…

Again, I just want to say that I completely understand this is up to my Ex and what she does with DS during her time with him is nothing to do with me (so long as he is safe, of course). It does sound like she went about things in the right way - sitting with him, explaining and checking he was okay etc.

Total non issue.
and your ex can make their own decisions about what’s appropriate for their child

YABU. It’s a popular children’s franchise based on popular children’s books, and they’re all 12A, which means they’ve been rated as suitable for children at a supervising adults discretion.

@millymollymoomoo
Feel free to scroll on if this is a non-issue. So weird that you would spend your time commenting

I get your point! I don't think either of these examples are quite so dark though

Agree - as I said I tend to agree with you but it’s a matter of judgment and not worth the fight. I once had a mum insist hotel Transylvania was terrifying and inappropriate…

What I would do, is encourage your dc to tell the partner if they found it more scary than enjoyable or too bothering. Ultimately, a child should be able to say if they’ve been overly scared themselves.

To me they're all children's films. And if she's read the books then I can't see an issue.

Unless it really seems to have deeply traumatised her?

We all watched water ship down as children and survived, so I think your kid will be fine.

Kids aren’t exposed to enough peril in their films these days.

Thank you - DS quite often asks me to tell Ex how he is feeling about things instead of doing it himself. Ex was not a hands on parent with DS whilst we were together and his relationship with me is definitely closer still. Ex has done a great job of turning things around with DS since we split, but obviously we all still make mistakes!

DS appears completely fine and not at all "traumatised"

I think it’s fine for some kids but also if something was agreed and one parent just ignores the agreement that’s not great.

my kids don’t like HP but my son loved lord of the rings at that age. My daughter is older but much more sensitive and won’t watch anything remotely scary (had nightmares after men in black!)

See - I am more like your daughter in this regard 😂

Genuinely, thank you to everyone who is posting on here. It is very helpful to hear other perspectives.
As DS gets older there's going to be more of these things and I just need to get used to it!
I am not giving loads of background or context but there have been a few things that surprised me from Ex's camp recently and I am probably still adjusting to being separate from her life / family whilst still linked through DS. I know I am not part of her life / family anymore and that is fine, but I am not perfect and I do sometimes find it strange even though it is right for us all.

Our rule is that they can watch once they’ve read the books. DS is 11 and just finished the last book. DD is 9 and has seen the first 4 I think.
Its way too early at 6 years old in my opinion. Even if the books were read to him. Reading is much different from watching. When kids read a scary scene, they build their own images in their head, which means young children would probably picture certain scenes differently to adults.
But if they watch the movies they get the images provided, which is quite dark in some of the later films.

We lets ours watch the first three at that sort of age and then paused for a couple of years since it then starts to get a bit dark.

We had read the books to them first of course because they are lovely kids books and its a shame to spoil them.

I voted UABU but it is a v. long time since I saw them. Now PPs have explained the viewing guidance - you may have a point re some of the films. I think I remember the last one was a bit ''obscure'' anyway.

@LoveMySushi This is my take on it too - a six year old's imagination when they are being read a story is potentially quite different to a film adaptation made by adults and aimed at a 12A audience

It's the same with these films as many others, adults see things in them that are scary because they're adults, children often zone out the scary bits, if they're asked aboout the film later, What did you think about x, y, z? they will often not have noticed.

I've thought about this recently for my 6 year old but have decided on no - he still dislikes some of the conflict in Disney films! I think it's very child dependent and stopping after 3 is probably a good idea.

This is what I thought we had agreed too

I think you have to acknowledge that the overwhelming thing that has happened to any child whose parents have split up is generally the actual separation of their parents. (barring actual abuse)