Big fall out - who is (most) in the wrong?

[Dibrew]

I would welcome opinions on this situation which is currently playing out.

Person A is a masseuse, working part time evenings out of a leisure centre attached to a secondary school.

Person A told Person B that she had terminated a session with the male partner of Person C. Person A doesn’t know Person C, but she knows Person B is friends with them.

Person B tells Person C of what was said by Person A. The session was terminated due to him offering money towards the end of this for sexual services.

Person C’s partner strongly denies this. Person C accuses Person A of breaking data protection rules and says Person B is attempting to shit stir.

if A & B are friends and A told B in her capacity as a friend, I’d say B was in the wrong to go on and tell C
if A just knows B then she should have said nothing.
id say the man is most at fault for being a perv and then B for being a stirrer unless she is besties with C in which case if A knew this then A should have said nothing.

Oh, so you were in the room to see him do it? That's how you know it's the truth?

I find it a bit disturbing that so many posters just assume the man is guilty when there's an absence of proof. A didn't report him, let alone get him banned from the sports centre – OP said she instead told B as gossip, knowing full well it would get back to C. What if it was your DH wrongly accused? How would you feel about everyone at the school gate gossiping that your DC's father was a sexual predator with no evidence to back it up? It's the kind of scenario that could wreck families, cost jobs etc.

I'm not saying he can't possibly be guilty, I'm just saying A should never have said anything publicly and should reported him through the correct channels.

What level of sexual harassment is sufficiently serious that women are allowed to deal with it “unprofessionally”? Flashing? Touching? Assault?

This.

Person A is gossipping.
Person B is shit stiring.

Why? Are you allowed to tell people if you’re harassed? Whose shame is it?

A VERY bad business move indeed. If word gets out that she doesn’t allow men to sexually harass her then she’ll be ruined, for sure.

What is going on in your head! He sexually harassed this poor woman. He is a shithead. She should be telling every woman she knows to avoid him like the plague.

I was self employed and occasionally alone with male customers. You can bet your life I'd have talked to people I knew about my experience.

Person A is perfectly entitled to tell anyone she wants about her sexual harassment at work.

Person C and the husband should be ashamed.

I think the husband of person C is a sleeze, but person A should not be gossiping about clients, no matter what. She can deal with this other ways through contacting the leisure centre managers etc. Gossiping about clients is never a good look, and contacting a third person (person B) to get a message to another person (Person C) suggest a lack of professionality.

They know each other as their sons play football together. So have each other on social media. That’s where A has seen photos of B with C/her partner as they socialise together regularly.

You’re saying men have the right to have their sleazy behaviour kept confidential?! Why?!

What are these “proper channels”?

I’m genuinely depressed so many women think women shouldn’t be allowed to speak about their experiences of work place sexual harassment.

Oh come on. You know. The 24 hour sleaze hotlines that have historically kept women safe since time immemorial

She's not gossiping.

She's either accurately reporting being sexually propositioned at work as is her right.

Or she's lying.

But it's not gossip.

The issue is proof. A doesn't have any, other than her word against his. Without that, he can argue he's been defamed because she's gossiped to B and the gossip has spread. It's not about keeping his behaviour confidential, it's about going through the right channels to report him – getting him banned from the sports centre would've been a start – so she doesn't face accusations that she's making it up.

So disturbing!

You think in the wake of Me Too and the various scandals at the BBC/ITV people would know better.

That might be how third parties would view it but SHE knows what happened and is entitled to tell whoever she wants.

The problem is that C wont want to confront the fact that this might be true so she will always blame the "OW", even though the OW is blameless.

Would you want to believe that your husband is capable of sexual harrassment and would happily pay another woman for sex? Of course not.

The only person to blame here is C's partner (editted as I got C and the partner mixed up!) but B should have kept her gob shut unless she was certain that C would want to hear it.

And when did he allege this?
Before or after someone told his wife?

How could she get him banned from the sports centre without any proof? He'd just sue her for defamation according to your understanding of the law. As far as I understand your argument is you need proof or you keep your mouth shut.

I hope to goodness you don't work with abused children.

Ooo. Ooo. I know.

So what you'd normally do is end the session as she did and then immediately report what happened to the centre manager and take it from there.

Yeah I have a hunch too....funny how they never mention these things until after they have been accused of trying it on isnt it? I would bet my house that he didnt come home and say "You will never guess what happened at my massage!"

There is no gossip here.

The possibilities are:

A) This women was sexually propositioned in the workplace and she has chosen to speak about it as is her right.

Or

B) She's lying.

There is no gossip.