I'd like a bit of sympathy from DH

[MightyMorphinPowerTwat]

I'm stressed at work.

I have a big project which I'm running mostly solo because the colleague I'm meant to be collaborating with it basically shit, and our admin support is awful.

I've been having panic attacks in my sleep, which DH knows about. And I feel constantly like I'm about to throw up, which he doesn't know about.

Today I broke down crying because I feel overwhelmed. I've been trying my best to not let things get on top of me. But today I failed and cried. Its the first day of my period so I also know that's a factor in me breaking down crying.

DH basically can't handle emotions. He just gets angry and frustrated.

Today he said "I'm not going to baby you. You need to toughen up".
I know that's true. I know I'm pathetic for crying and I'm ashamed that I did. I haven't cried since June. But the amount of work I'm shouldering and other people's complete incompetence just got to me.

But I was hoping just for a little bit of sympathy, just a few kind words. AIBU?
He could've told me later to "toughen up" but, in the moment, I think it would've been kinder to give a bit of sympathy.

He's horrible. I'm sorry OP, I hope you are ok. You aren't pathetic for crying. He's pathetic for being unable to support his partner emotionally. My DH would never behave like this and if he did I'd leave him. It's never ok to tell your stressed out partner who is juggling a lot to 'toughen up'.

What an arse. Sorry you had to go through that. OP.

People wonder why affairs happen: it’s things like this. He’s choosing not to meet your emotional needs. Only you can decide if that’s good enough or not.

Wow, thats mean. You aren't pathetic for crying. You aren't a robot.

Hope things get easier soon.

That is horrible @MightyMorphinPowerTwat and a real character flaw of your husband’s. Your situation sounds very stressful and anyone going through it would be looking for support, overburdened, frustrated, exhausted. This is not your failing here it is your husbands that he is trying to palm off onto you.

He’s horrible. You don’t sound like you need to toughen up at all, in fact the opposite! I think you need to be kinder to yourself and a good cry sounds like a good thing to let out some emotions. How would he respond if you said “look, I don’t need advice if I’m ever upset, I just need you to give me a hug and tell me things will get better. That’s all.”?

It’s not pathetic to cry when you’re upset OP. It’s normal and healthy. What he should have done is just give you a hug and let you cry. Maybe explain to him that he doesn’t need to say anything but that spouses are meant to support each other during difficult times not emotionally backhand them.

Thank you so much.

DH just doesn't do emotion so can't really cope when I get upset about things.

I'm not really a crier - I'd say I have a massive cry a couple of times a year when things get on top of me but that's all.
Back in summer DH said I "cry all the time" so I've been tracking my crying 😂That's how I know I haven't cried since June.

You reached breaking point OP and it is normal to cry. Even if he 'doesn't do emotion' he could ask about your work and what has got you to this point. He could say, im here if you need to vent about it.
He needs therapy for his emotional issues, or he is just a horrible person.

Does he manage his own emotions?

Some people cannot process and understand emotions, and need coaching. “When I cry I need you to hold me for a while”.

Others totally understand but don’t give a shit.

Others again have been taught that emotions are to be ignored- their own and others- in favour of getting things done- stiff upper lip.

It matters which.

I’m really sorry you are having a tough time, and even sorrier that you have to manage him as well. You will eventually need to think about the implications for having DC, and how to manage this in the future.

Sounds like my ex!

just didn’t do emotional feelings stuff and found them uncomfortable

I had AND and they wanted to find a mother and baby bed for me but couldn’t so he was asked to collect me from GP (midwife apt) and stay with me until the crisis team arrived in the evening.

he was furious at having to leave work to get me, took me home - said ‘what the fuck have you got to be depressed about?’ And went back to work. He’s my ex for many reasons.

crying isn’t weak or pathetic, your stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted- this is when good people step up x

Gosh, there's nothing wrong with crying, I cry all the time! Your DH should give you a hug and a sympathetic ear, surely that's what spouses are supposed to do, support each other?! Sorry you're having such a rough time OP, if he's not going to look after you, make sure that you make some time for yourself to have a long soak in a bubble bath, get your comfiest pj's on and watch something funny or uplifting. Sending hugs 💐

Thank you!

@PrizedPickledPopcorn
I think his over-bearing very masculine dad just sort of bred emotions out of him. He just doesn't get emotional about things and can't understand why other people do. If he ever feels anything, he just gets frustrated.

I feel so disappointed in him to be honest. And that's making me more upset which isn't bloody helping 😩

You need a new job.

You should also consider getting a new husband, this one isn't working properly, and he's probably out of warranty right now.

Ask him why he doesn't think 'for better, for worse' should be taken seriously.

I think it's unrealistic to expect someone you admit can't understand emotions to suddenly be able to click and understand them.

Jesus you’re not pathetic and you shouldn’t feel ashamed. Crying gets things out

pointythings · Today 17:08

You need a new job.
You should also consider getting a new husband, this one isn't working properly, and he's probably out of warranty right now.
great answer😅

You're not pathetic. You don't need to toughen up. You should be able to cry to your husband and receive kindness and he is being an absolute shit.

He'd get a Le Creuset iron pan upside the head for being this unpleasant in this house OP, but that's something I need to work on. I am sorry you are having such a shit time 😔

There’s nothing pathetic about crying. It’s normal. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.

It sounds like he isn’t capable - and never has been - of giving you the sympathy you want though.

Your DH is a prick.

That's quite cruel of him, OP.

I hope you remember it when he's expecting tea and sympathy for something.

He sounds cold. Hormones used to always tip me into tears if stressed. Now menopausal I can’t remember the last time I cried! All you needed was a hug and someone to listen. Sorry.💐

I’m guessing he doesn’t expect any sympathy.

Tears are also a sign of frustration. Why are they are lesser outward sign than frustration?

Write it all down op and leave it on his pillow.