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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’ve literally had a baby with a devil.

75 replies

omgno45 · 24/11/2025 11:05

No one else to talk to so …

Ive got 3 kids from a previous relationship who see their dad. Everything fine.

met a new man who was wonderful to begin with. Absolutely wonderful. Truly thought he was my person.
after a few years started showing the odd “mood” here n there. Anyway. Got pregnant. Baby is now 11 months old.

during pregnancy he became almost an animal. Not even human. Name calling. Humiliating. Neglectful. He had little bursts of wanting to be there for me and he did provide well for baby coming but looking back it was crumbs.
when baby was born he was great in hospital as baby was unwell when born. But after a few months he started going back to his usual self. This is a very short version of what’s happened as don’t want to bore you.
anyway……..

I left him 10 weeks ago. For good. Always had my own house with the kids as when he started to turn there was no way I was signing my life to him baby or not.
since leaving him I’ve made it clear that he cannot see baby unless he works on his anger and temper and his abusive ways because my baby doesn’t get handed over to any angry unsafe person
of course this has raged him.

yes I’ve blocked him but you can’t block email
in this 10 weeks he has told me the following:

he doesn’t want his child to turn out like my others and they are vile children that won’t mount to anything.

if I don’t give him the baby it’s gonna get really ugly for me

then he switched to “I don’t need that ginger bast* anyway meaning the baby

told me to take his name off birth certificate and that the baby doesn’t deserve his second name

he’s told me which he always did anyway that I’m fat and calls me tubs and tells me I’m an ugly broke loser with nothing and nobody will want me with 4 kids

he’s told me he was sleeping with someone else and he doesn’t care and laughed about it

he reported me to social services for “being a bad mum and having post natal depression” they closed it straight away as malicious.

because I’ve not let him see baby of course he’s not sent me a penny.

he has called all my family horrible names and contacted mr family making horrible lies about me that are not true.

honestly he has dragged me through the absolute mud. This isn’t even half of it.

just can’t bileave this is my life post partum. The up side is my children adore their new little brother he is so loved he is literally everyone’s little dolly !! They never leave him alone and they thank me for having him which melts me.

I completely ignore my ex now I’ve gone total no contact because it’s a no win situation he’s awful. He’s gone silent this week and it scares me and I don’t know why. I’m always wondering what he’s planning. Has anyone had anything similar. I don’t even know why I’m posting this. My brain feels like scrambled egg xx

OP posts:
Woodenwonder · 24/11/2025 11:09

You can block email or you can set a rule that all emails from him are automatically filtered into a folder. I know that's the least of your problems but I found it helpful when my ex's next wife (they're now also divorced) was sending me abusive emails as I'd blocked her number.

Of course you're not wrong for keeping your baby away from this idiot. Have you contacted the police to let them know you feel threatened?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 24/11/2025 11:09

It's done now, all you can do now is move forward with your life.
Go through the courts for maintenance, it won't stop him abusing you but you can take back some control. If he is unemployed then it will be pittance.

Unfortunately he might apply for visitation and you won't be able to stop him, insis that it is supervised visitation.
Stay away from relationships, they're rarely worth it.

PinkFootstool · 24/11/2025 11:11

Contact the police. This is domestic abuse and harassment. You don't have to put up with this.

isthesolution · 24/11/2025 11:14

Block him on everything. Have zero contact. Let him go through the courts for access. Contact CMS to apply for maintenance.

Jollyjoy · 24/11/2025 11:15

Good advice about the email folder above. You can liaise with the police for advice and potentially malicious communications offences, or discuss restraining order type legislation so he’s not allowed to contact you and can be arrested if he does. Not sure if you’d have grounds for this but be careful, he sounds unpredictable.

Cucy · 24/11/2025 11:40

Do not block him on emails.

I too used to suggest people block but then some posters linked advice from people and DA charities who all suggest not blocking.

Not blocking can give you evidence for it ever goes to court.
But it also gives you an idea for his mindset.
If he says something like he’s going to come to your house to hurt you - that’s a threat and the police should be called (even if you think he’s bluffing).

Sorry you met him and that your child has to have a dad like this.

breezyyy · 24/11/2025 11:43

Keep all the emails as proof OP.

NovemberRedHolly · 24/11/2025 11:46

Is removing the email account for your phone an option and switching to a new one? That way they’ll still be delivered as proof but you won’t have to see them daily.

Id also contact the police as it’s harassment.

Peoplemakemedespair · 24/11/2025 11:46

Have you contacted the police?

Lavender14 · 24/11/2025 11:50

Don't block him, set up a separate email folder for his hate to get directed in to. That way there is a record but you don't need to see it until you're prepared for it.

Take those emails to the police and let him sink himself with written evidence.

Go to a solicitor and take out a non molestation order against him.

Go to cms and request payments.

Go to womens aid for support and advice

I'd strongly consider moving so he doesn't know where you are as this behaviour is unhinged. Get yourself a ring doorbell.

Don't delete anything and don't block him. Go to the police today.

BillieWiper · 24/11/2025 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DeepEagle · 24/11/2025 11:53

Lavender14 · 24/11/2025 11:50

Don't block him, set up a separate email folder for his hate to get directed in to. That way there is a record but you don't need to see it until you're prepared for it.

Take those emails to the police and let him sink himself with written evidence.

Go to a solicitor and take out a non molestation order against him.

Go to cms and request payments.

Go to womens aid for support and advice

I'd strongly consider moving so he doesn't know where you are as this behaviour is unhinged. Get yourself a ring doorbell.

Don't delete anything and don't block him. Go to the police today.

All of this. Excellent advice.

BauhausOfEliott · 24/11/2025 11:56

Lavender14 · 24/11/2025 11:50

Don't block him, set up a separate email folder for his hate to get directed in to. That way there is a record but you don't need to see it until you're prepared for it.

Take those emails to the police and let him sink himself with written evidence.

Go to a solicitor and take out a non molestation order against him.

Go to cms and request payments.

Go to womens aid for support and advice

I'd strongly consider moving so he doesn't know where you are as this behaviour is unhinged. Get yourself a ring doorbell.

Don't delete anything and don't block him. Go to the police today.

Exactly this. All great advice.

OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

thetallfairy · 24/11/2025 11:58

Horrific

What a pOs

Police asap !!!!

Notyours1 · 24/11/2025 12:00

You already posted this a few days ago.

maxicake · 24/11/2025 12:02

You can’t now remove him from birth certificate as he is the biological father and so Court won’t allow it. But you can just ignore him, don’t block but also don’t read emails - (maybe have a friend or family member read them and only tell you if it’s about legal action he’s taking) - keep all his comms as evidence. Send one clear email requesting he stop contacting you as you are feeling threatened and harassed and will contact then police if he continues. The police will need to see that you have requested him to stop contact before treating further messages as harassment.

If he goes to court to force custody or visitation you can evidence his abuse and harassment particularly emails insulting his son and requesting to be removed from birth certificate. In fact you only have to care if you receive legal comms from his solicitor - ignore the barking dog otherwise. Please don’t ask for maintenance from him!! Why prolong any contact from him and risk him wanting shared custody or just putting you through hell fighting it.

Outside the courts there’s nothing you can do and you can report to police if he carries on. He’ll likely lose interest once he finds you’re not responding but the threat of police action should straighten him out.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/11/2025 12:03

if you've named him on the BC can you still alter it without his permission? he's right in one point. the child absolutely does not deserve this piece of shots surname. he deserves the surname of the mother who will love and protect him

and agree with others, keep every email, every message and contact the police. and apply for child support

incognitomummy · 24/11/2025 12:05

Great advice on here OP. Sorry you are having to deal with this.
please confide in your HV and GP asap.
and
please let us know you have reported to the police and have seen a solicitor to get a Non mol order for you AND YOUR KIDS (all of them).

include the baby on that.

Will reduce likelihood of him getting unsupervised visits.

and yes. You need to keep a record. So don’t completely block him. Find a way of having the messages diverted to a special folder so you don’t need to see them unless needed.
(email you can do this
you can also do this in WhatsApp - use archive function and choose hidden - ie need a pin to open the WhatsApp folder)

best of luck.

Unhappyitis · 24/11/2025 12:09

What you need to do is show all those emails to someone in authority, I don't know who, so you can safeguard your baby officially.

I hope someone on here can give better advice as to who the authority is.

Nanny0gg · 24/11/2025 12:13

Cucy · 24/11/2025 11:40

Do not block him on emails.

I too used to suggest people block but then some posters linked advice from people and DA charities who all suggest not blocking.

Not blocking can give you evidence for it ever goes to court.
But it also gives you an idea for his mindset.
If he says something like he’s going to come to your house to hurt you - that’s a threat and the police should be called (even if you think he’s bluffing).

Sorry you met him and that your child has to have a dad like this.

Set up a 'rule' so that the email goes into a folder that you don't have to read

Do you have a friend or relative that can check on it for you to see if there's any direct threats?

Is he on the birth certificate?

UnintentionalArcher · 24/11/2025 12:15

Just echoing advice to contact the police now, and every single time he is abusive or threatening in an email or any other message. Never respond. Keep meticulous records. Men are not allowed to behave like this and the only to shut him down is by ‘grey rocking’ him and reporting it consistently.

I can’t help on advice with courts and children but others can.

Contact Women’s Aid for their advice.

You do not have to put up with this for a single second more.

pinkpinkeverywhere · 24/11/2025 12:17

Please try and remove his surname from the poor baby, the child doesn't deserve to be associated with him and it'll cause you problems in the long run.

Muffinmam · 24/11/2025 12:19

It’s textbook how abusive men can switch during pregnancy and after child birth.

You absolutely should put that loser on child support.

susiedaisy1912 · 24/11/2025 12:25

Legal advice asap, document everything and don’t delete any thing. He isn’t going away anytime soon so try to find a way to compartmentalise it so that it doesn’t consume your life. Easy to say hard to do op I know but you. Need to still live your life. Sadly it seems he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing and you weren’t to know this so don’t spend any time feeling guilty about it. We don’t marry or have children with monsters they hide behind a facade and then show their true colours when they think they have you trapped. Been there done that. But it does get better, for you at least as they often get bored and find a new victim, then rinse and repeat with them.

Dollymylove · 24/11/2025 12:26

Yes definitely the police need to be involved. I echo others saying don't delete emails, they are evidence of his behaviour

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