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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’ve literally had a baby with a devil.

75 replies

omgno45 · 24/11/2025 11:05

No one else to talk to so …

Ive got 3 kids from a previous relationship who see their dad. Everything fine.

met a new man who was wonderful to begin with. Absolutely wonderful. Truly thought he was my person.
after a few years started showing the odd “mood” here n there. Anyway. Got pregnant. Baby is now 11 months old.

during pregnancy he became almost an animal. Not even human. Name calling. Humiliating. Neglectful. He had little bursts of wanting to be there for me and he did provide well for baby coming but looking back it was crumbs.
when baby was born he was great in hospital as baby was unwell when born. But after a few months he started going back to his usual self. This is a very short version of what’s happened as don’t want to bore you.
anyway……..

I left him 10 weeks ago. For good. Always had my own house with the kids as when he started to turn there was no way I was signing my life to him baby or not.
since leaving him I’ve made it clear that he cannot see baby unless he works on his anger and temper and his abusive ways because my baby doesn’t get handed over to any angry unsafe person
of course this has raged him.

yes I’ve blocked him but you can’t block email
in this 10 weeks he has told me the following:

he doesn’t want his child to turn out like my others and they are vile children that won’t mount to anything.

if I don’t give him the baby it’s gonna get really ugly for me

then he switched to “I don’t need that ginger bast* anyway meaning the baby

told me to take his name off birth certificate and that the baby doesn’t deserve his second name

he’s told me which he always did anyway that I’m fat and calls me tubs and tells me I’m an ugly broke loser with nothing and nobody will want me with 4 kids

he’s told me he was sleeping with someone else and he doesn’t care and laughed about it

he reported me to social services for “being a bad mum and having post natal depression” they closed it straight away as malicious.

because I’ve not let him see baby of course he’s not sent me a penny.

he has called all my family horrible names and contacted mr family making horrible lies about me that are not true.

honestly he has dragged me through the absolute mud. This isn’t even half of it.

just can’t bileave this is my life post partum. The up side is my children adore their new little brother he is so loved he is literally everyone’s little dolly !! They never leave him alone and they thank me for having him which melts me.

I completely ignore my ex now I’ve gone total no contact because it’s a no win situation he’s awful. He’s gone silent this week and it scares me and I don’t know why. I’m always wondering what he’s planning. Has anyone had anything similar. I don’t even know why I’m posting this. My brain feels like scrambled egg xx

OP posts:
Busybeemumm · 24/11/2025 12:28

Inform the police and also social.services. He sounds unhinged and dangerous.

Happyjoe · 24/11/2025 12:29

Keep a record of absolutely everything he says. If it's on phone, save a recording (can get apps to record telephone calls). Texts, take a screenshot. If scared at all, go to the police, don't hesitate.

And take comfort that leaving him was a million times the right thing to do. Am so sorry that he's being such a nasty idiot. Take good care of you x

WildLeader · 24/11/2025 12:34

My love, make a new email address, move everything over to it, set up a filter for his to be marked red and filed into folder marked TWATFACE, and go on with the rest of your life.

you don’t need him! Congratulations on getting rid of him

HingedBroccoli · 24/11/2025 12:35

Cucy · 24/11/2025 11:40

Do not block him on emails.

I too used to suggest people block but then some posters linked advice from people and DA charities who all suggest not blocking.

Not blocking can give you evidence for it ever goes to court.
But it also gives you an idea for his mindset.
If he says something like he’s going to come to your house to hurt you - that’s a threat and the police should be called (even if you think he’s bluffing).

Sorry you met him and that your child has to have a dad like this.

Agree.

As awful as it sounds, if you block every line of communication it is likely to further antagonise him. This is when perpetrators will seek other ways to get to you. Likely face to face.

Please have a look to see if you have any DV services in your area to support you through this.

takeme2thelakes · 24/11/2025 12:45

Do you have security cameras up round your house?

PanicPanicc · 24/11/2025 12:49

You’ve had plenty of great advice so I won’t add to it, but I just want to say my ex was horribly abusive and then one day it just seems like he finally got bored and let me be, never bothered me again. It was like he realising I left for good made him shrug and go “eh, whatever, I can’t mess with her anymore”.

Fingers crossed your ex has moved on to a new obsession (as sad as the thought is that there will be someone out there being the new target).

MO0N · 24/11/2025 12:52

I agree with all the replies on here.
I would add that if you do need to correspond with him at all keep it over email and not in real time. Do not respond to or acknowledge any threats or pleading etc.
keep any correspondence polite but brief & business-like.

MissDoubleU · 24/11/2025 12:53

Keep every single email. Make sure he’s paying CMS and use the emails as evidence of abuse if he tries to go for any access.

TheFormidableMrsC · 24/11/2025 12:53

I would 100% report him to the police for his abuse and harassment. I’d self refer to social services to get some support and advice. I’d make a claim via CMS for child maintenance and if he wants contact, he can take you to court. Keep documenting everything and keep all evidence. Well done for getting yourself and your children away from this animal.

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 24/11/2025 12:54

Take that email from him and get the child's birth certificate changed immediately before he changes his mind. He should not have his father's name.

Clobberdobber · 24/11/2025 12:58

Op just to say I am SO PROUD OF YOU. The number of women on here who are stuck with vile abusive men and you cut and run! You protected your kids! You protected yourself!

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Women get tricked. If abusers had signs round their necks they’d never get into relationships in the first place.

We’re getting better at spotting the signs which is where all the incels are coming from… men women won’t touch with a bargepole.

Stay strong.

Congrats on your lovely baby x

ItsNotMeEither · 24/11/2025 13:00

I'd get one of those parent contact apps and have all contact through there. I believe all contact on those is time stamped and can be used in court.

I'd be contacting a solicitor and sorting out parenting orders. I'm in a different country so I could be wrong, but if he took your child and didn't return them, I believe it is hard for the police to do anything without those written orders, so please follow up and confirm this.

Heronwatcher · 24/11/2025 13:01

What an absolute bastard. Definitely don’t let the baby anywhere near him.

Report him to the police and tell him this is what you’ve done and any future communications will be kept as evidence for a harassment case against him.

Speak to a solicitor about getting a non molestation order.

You could consider getting in touch with the child maintenance service but unless I needed the money I think I’d probably not bother and not give him ammunition to claim a right to see the child.

I don’t think you can get the biological
father’s name removed from
the birth certificate but you could change your baby’s surname- I am assuming he wouldn’t mind giving consent based on the above…

FiloPasty · 24/11/2025 13:04

I’d be getting a Clare’s law request too from the police, I doubt this is the first time he’s behaved like this

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 24/11/2025 13:12

Go through the courts for everything. No contact with him. And get a safety order if needed. You sound like you have a lovely family. Don't let this man ruin it. Not your problem and don't even try to fix him. But it sounds like he needs his feelings heard, talked through and addressed properly, instead of him just throwing abuse at you. If you go through the courts it could be mentioned to your solicitor. Could prevent it coming out in other ways if he feels heard. Don't talk to him yourself though. Id stay no contact if I were you and go the legal route

Alovelyhotbath · 24/11/2025 13:36

Set up a new email account and permanently delete your old one.
Buy a very cheap phone and use that for contact with him, keep it turned off unless you need to speak to him.
Change your phone number so he can't contact you on your own phone.
Get a lawyer
Report his behaviour to the police
Contact womens aid for support
Do not engage with him

You don't have to live with this nor put up with it.

VividZebra · 24/11/2025 13:38

Police, OP. And keep all the abusive messages. I'd also see a solicitor about a restraining order.

Rachie1973 · 24/11/2025 13:48

Second all the advice, but adding.

Well done. You’re so strong and I admire you.

Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 24/11/2025 13:49

VividZebra · 24/11/2025 13:38

Police, OP. And keep all the abusive messages. I'd also see a solicitor about a restraining order.

Yep

Gibstub · 24/11/2025 13:59

CSA will ensure he pays you. Take some legal advice. You are better off without this cretin

DaisyChain505 · 24/11/2025 14:01

Don’t block emails. You want all of this as evidence as to why he shouldn’t be able to see your child or have contact with you.

MysteryNameChange · 24/11/2025 14:12

Great advice here. I also agree I wouldn't bother with CMS unless you're desperate, it'll keep him angry for longer it would be ideal if he just loses interest and disappears at some point. I've also got an evil ex and I'd honestly choose him disappearing out of my life over a million pounds.

Shattered2025 · 24/11/2025 14:12

Report him for Post Separation Abuse to the police

You need all the evidence of his abusive behaviour to present to court as reasons to limit contact / seek supervised contact, and for your own non mol order.

This isn't you. You are not the person that he tells you you are.