Take my kids out of school for lunch

[AmyJahabee]

My 9 year old is not playing with anyone for the past week or so. So was thinking today to get her from school during lunchtime and spend time with her so she is not alone.
i would like her to play with other kids but I feel I can’t force it. We recently moved school but she has made friends with three girls (three girls have been friends since reception) and been playing with them. Up until two weeks ago she started playing by herself, I have encouraged her to persue the other girls and play with them she said I have but they just then play with her for little then get back to playing without her. What can I do to help her?
what can the teacher do to help?

She has written in her diary that one of the girls pushes her and talk over her when she is playing with one of the girls. I haven’t said anything directly but asked her repeatedly if that girl is been bad to her and she said no.

i don’t know what to do

I wouldn't do this. At 9 she needs to learn to negotiate friendships, it's hard but encourage her to approach other girls and boys and be friendly towards them. She may find new friends

Also, why are you reading her diary?

Well removing her from school during lunchtime is not going to help her build friendships. As a one off it might be ok if school agrees to it.
How long has she been in this new school and how old are they. I will take several months or even up to a year to be properly settled and integrated into the new school. Unless they are very little it will take time to find the right people and friendships will already be established so she will have to persevere. You’d be better off having a chat with school and seeing what can be done to help her find people to play with.

Would you even be allowed to do this?it's not like years ago .when kids came home for lunch! You sound a lovely 😍 caring mum. However you have to let her negotiate her own path.its one of the hardest things as a parent. At 9 she is on the cusp of puberty .girls have complicated friendship groups.

Let her weather this play ground stuff by herself. You cannot fight her battles for her. Just listen to her if and when she wants to talk about it. Three is often a problem in friendship groups

In a similar situation ds came home for lunch on a Wednesday. He had to deal with the friendships and the playground the rest of the week but he had a day off in the middle.
I liked him coming home. It was a treat to just be the two of us for a while, I made him his favourite lunch, spoiled him a bit.

Join extra curriculars out of school.

Speak to the teacher to let her know your dd might need some help.

Stop asking her who she is playing with if you are doing that. Just ask how her day was or what she did in maths. Let her tell you.

Don’t read her diary.

Invite the other two, one at a time, to play at your house. Also other dc she might like to become closer friends with.

Ask the school if they have a buddy bench or something similar. Do any of the lunchtime supervisors ever do any simple more organised activities that anyone can join in. Simple things like skipping games or orange and lemons?

By taking her out at lunch you're singling her out as different. And removing her from where she needs to be to make friends

Even though she's only 9, don't you think she deserves some privacy? Reading her diary is not great

You need to talk to her Teacher. There might be a lunchtime club she could join to make friends. Taking her out of school for lunch is definitely not the answer.

WTF are you reading her diary? This is the one thing that jumped out at me. My mum read my diary and it was such an invasion of my privacy. You come across as very controlling if I’m honest - reading her diary, wanting to sort her friendships for her, deciding who she should be friends with and instructing her on what to do. I hope it’s simply misplaced care, but be careful as she’ll be a teenager soon and she will revel against stifling and controlling behaviour like that. And if she finds out you read her diary, she might never forgive you.

You need to let go and let her manage her friendships. If worried, by all means talk to a teacher but for gods sake do not tell them what you read or else they will ask your daughter about it and she will know what you’ve done.

Stop reading her diary. Stop trying to control her life.

Leave her to it. She needs to manage this herself.
You are overly-involved; STOP reading her diary! That’s a gross invasion of privacy.

Does she do any clubs outside of school, so can build up some new friendships there?

Reading her diary?

You have the time to collect her, feed her and take her back to school? Don’t you go to work?

Try talking with her about who else she could play with. Sometimes looking for other children on their own can be a good strategy. Also give her ideas of what she can do if she is on her own. Are they allowed to take anything with them e.g. a notebook and pen to draw?

If it's upsetting her, I would mention it to the teacher. They may be able to encourage friendships e.g. by who they pair her up with in class or may know of other options at lunchtime e.g. DDs school has some of them doing tasks like supporting younger ones or doing jobs. DD loves this!

My 9yo had a similar issue and school supported to develop friendships which improved things massively. They also gave permission to read indoors which she did a mix of both, but now usually chooses to go outside with the others.

I’m going through the same with my 9 year old girl. It’s awful & I feel like I’m sending her into the lions den..but…I don’t think it helps avoiding it. She’s got to (as hard as it is) navigate these issues. You’ve just got to give her the tools to do it!

I would mention it to the school though. I have (not that they do anything).

Its awful and I feel for you, kids can be so mean(especially girls ime).

Talk to her teacher. They will think all the children are okay unless the child or parent approaches them. Some children are happy with what you describe so raise it. Usually best to ask to see the teacher alone after school as before school they are trying to get children in and ready for register.

Say you are concerned she doesn't seem to be forming lasting friendships etc. School usually do have some sort of system to buddy children up and she can also keep an eye on the girl who talks over her.

Definitely get her involved in clubs or hobbies outside of school so she can build friendships there.

I was a bit like this at 9, my best friend moved away and the dynamic of the remaining group of girls really shifted and I just didn’t really feel included in the group anymore. I was and still am a bit of a loner to be fair. I did actually start going home for lunch as we lived so close to the school but my year 5 teacher put a stop to it saying I needed to integrate or at least be in the school environment for the full day. Ie no special treatment. He was right really. It took a few months but eventually I warmed up again and started socialising with a different group, then we all went into year 6 and it got all mixed up again anyway (for the better)

I had a book to read at lunchtimes or I’d draw etc, I don’t remember ever feeling particularly sad about it except when I was encouraged to play with the original girls who I got were a bit mean and we weren’t really on the same wavelength.

i would say back off a bit and just let her settle into it on her own. Please don’t read her diary. If she thinks you’ve read what she feels in writing form she won’t bother to talk to you about anything verbally (I know from experience, my mum was reading mine when I was 14 and I still resent her massively for that)

I’m working from home today so reason I have time to get her from school and school is only 2mins drive.

Just because you have time to do it doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

stop getting her to focus on these three girls, there another 20 odd mugs in her class?

taking her out every day is just helping her avoid the issue.

stop getting her to focus on these three girls, there another 20 odd mugs in her class?

taking her out every day is just helping her avoid the issue.

stop getting her to focus on these three girls, there another 20 odd mugs in her class?

taking her out every day is just helping her avoid the issue.