Take my kids out of school for lunch

[AmyJahabee]

My 9 year old is not playing with anyone for the past week or so. So was thinking today to get her from school during lunchtime and spend time with her so she is not alone.
i would like her to play with other kids but I feel I can’t force it. We recently moved school but she has made friends with three girls (three girls have been friends since reception) and been playing with them. Up until two weeks ago she started playing by herself, I have encouraged her to persue the other girls and play with them she said I have but they just then play with her for little then get back to playing without her. What can I do to help her?
what can the teacher do to help?

She has written in her diary that one of the girls pushes her and talk over her when she is playing with one of the girls. I haven’t said anything directly but asked her repeatedly if that girl is been bad to her and she said no.

i don’t know what to do

My kids school would never have allowed this. At 9 she’s old enough to understand that some friendships just don’t work out. Encourage her to find some different friends to play with. It will be good practice for her before she starts high school and has to make new friends.

Don't pick her up, it will exacerbate the issue.
Email the teacher and let them know your daughter is struggling at break.

Why did she move school?

We move house so need to change school.

Dont e courage her to be friends with the 3 girls if they are not good to her.

Encourage her to look for others to play with. Ask teacher or school for help or advice on making friends.

It's standard childhood nonsense, stay out of it.

Taking her out of school during the main social period is the absolute worst thing you could do. She needs to learn how to navigate changing friendships, social groups, conflicts etc. She can't do that if she's with you. She'll end up ever further behind.

And for goodness sake, stop reading her diary!

can she join the brownies or something op?

Does your school have any lunch clubs.
Our school does a crafting lunch club for the kids that find the playground overwhelming. You could speak to them about it.
Our son moved schools and used the lunch club for the whole first year he was there, he has now started to form freindships and wants to go out. Its not open to anyone, only the kids that are struggling so you might not know about it unless you ask.
Is there a wellbeing officer at the school you can speak to as they should have some options and ideas.

You should not have read her diary, and you need to give her time.

Getting her for lunch will isolate her, very odd suggestion.

Why are you reading her diary?

You haven’t addressed any of the comments about reading her diary, op. Does that mean you intend to carry on doing this as you can’t see a problem with it?

Regarding reading her diary I don’t intend to carry on.
But this was from a good intention, as she doesn’t communicate sometimes I get worried and as a mum would you not prefer to know if your child needs help if that child is not communicating her issues? I know it doesn’t justify me looking at her personal stuff

Even with the best of intentions, reading a child's diary is an awful thing to do. I remember my best friend's mum did this, and my friend still mentions the betrayal and embarrassment 30 years later!

Work on encouraging your daughter to trust and open up to you. It's a harder option than just reading her diary, but a far better one!

Are you in the UK? As round here you wouldn't be allowed to just take your child out of school anymore for lunch break, unless you've time travelled back to the 80s?!
Friendships at that age are tough, I'd have a word with the teacher instead about what's been happening.
Oh, and stop reading your dd's diary. 😡

When I was at school it wasn't allowed

Thank you everyone appreciate your comments. Some are very harsh but I believe it all good intentions and from the comments I have decided taking her out for lunchtime will not provide a permanent fix but slow progress for her independence. Thank you

Friendship groups of 3 always seem to cause problems , encourage her to join scouts/brownies or take up a sport outside school , she may meet these same children when she moves to secondary school . Invite a different child each week for tea and develop new friendships too . Mention to the class teacher she’s struggling so they can help in school .

Reading her diary was an awful thing to do, if you find it hard to communicate, take her out for a walk, an errand in the car, a special day out, talk to her - don't violate her privacy.

When dd had similar issues around this age, I bought her a pack of "jacks" so she had something to occupy herself. The others were fascinated by it and it kind of broke down the barrier a bit.

From experience, I wouldn't take her out of school at lunchtimes. My mum did this when I was about the same age, as my best friend had moved away and I was very lonely. But ultimately all it taught me was that a) the best solution to tricky things and big feelings is to run away from them, and b) I couldn't be trusted to sort things out myself. Those messages do sink in deeply and can take a lot of work to get past as an adult.

On the diary reading thing - my mum did this too. In the end, in my teens, she read things I'd written about her that she would really rather not have seen. I was daft to put it on paper at all - stuff most teenagers think I'm sure, but nobody wants to read their teenager saying about them, and keeping it in my head / between me and my friends would have saved a lot of angst. And whilst there is more to it than just this, our relationship never recovered.

https://amzn.eu/d/aOvg1Mt
Thank you I will ask her if she want this game then will get it for her

Talk to her teacher

Ttf! She's 9. Id check and phones of early teens! Its called parenting her child. Im sure most parents do.

Reading a diary is vastly different from checking a phone. A diary is meant for private, personal thoughts on a page! A phone opens up access to everyone else’s thoughts etc and media that isn’t always appropriate. It’s not the same thing.

They can sometimes find it hard to find their stride with friends in KS2. I would tell the class teacher. I've had parents speak to me about similar and we can support.

If her school runs nurture groups, these can also be helpful.