Not sure if I’m doing more than my partner or aibu? (Quite a long post)

[hl8]

Me and my partner both work, he works full time 5 days a week in construction so works hard and I work part time 3 days a week in a supermarket plus as much overtime I can get. We have a child together and live together.

I do the cleaning and cooking and all the housework which I don’t mind, but my partner is very messy and doesn’t clean up after himself and I’m endlessly tidying away his things and his excuse is he’s been working all day.

He is paid weekly and I am paid monthly and obviously earn less money than him yet I pay all of the bills plus debts and pay for everything when it comes to our child and also the food. We have had many arguments about this and he says he works harder for his money, I’m also not aloud to know how much he earns as ‘his money is his money and it’s none of my business’

We are both smokers which we both pay for but aside from that he spends his money on breakfasts and lunch at work, he will sometimes go to the shop to buy snacks for our child, or his PlayStation and gambling apps.

I understand that he works harder than I do but I’m really struggling financially and barely scraping by while he is living quite comfortably, am I being unreasonable thinking he should be helping me pay the bills and for other things?

I'm sorry but what?! You surely can't be serious? If you are then why the hell are you with him? He's literally bringing nothing to the table and making your life harder and more expensive than it needs to be.

Well I voted no you're not BU to expect him to pay his share of all bills and to do his share of housework etc. However, at the same time you are being unreasonable to stay with this mean, selfish lump of a man.

He's never going to change. Set your bar higher, set yourself free OP.

And try and find a payslip before you kick him out. Because he'll probably try and weasel his way out of paying fair maintenance too 😒

The point about the paychecks is a good one.

Do you rent/own a house in joint names? Are you really saying you pay the rent and all the bills including food and he pays nothing?

Surely he pays 50% of rent etc at Least OP? I mean, that still wouldn’t be right because you are doing over 50% of the life-work that he needs to exist and his child needs to exist on, but surely he pays for something?

He doesn't have to help you pay 'your bills', but he does at the very least have to pay his half of the bills for your shared household and his half of anything for your shared child. And if he is earning more than you because you spend more time on responsibilities for your household and child then yes, he should be paying more than you and/or he should be picking up more of the work. It sounds like he is not doing his half.

He doesn't sound like a partner, doesn't sound like you benefit from the relationship at all

Your situation will not get better, you may start to earn more money but then what?

He’s a lowlife scumbag. Kick him out.

If this is real, how have you got to a point where you think this is in any way normal?

Kick him out.

Also HOW are you affording to pay rent, bills, debts and smoke on three days minimum wage a week? Are you claiming benefits? They will come after you for fraud if you aren’t declaring his wages; even though he doesn’t contribute.

What exactly does he pay for? He sounds horribly selfish and mean. He sees you skint and doing all the unpaid work and he won't even pay for his own food, let alone support his own child? How can you stand to look at him every day? If you kicked him out, at least he wouldn't be constantly making a mess that you'd have to clean up.

He is adding nothing to your lives and literally using you to fund his gambling.

Ger your ducks in a row including copies of his payslips then kick him out. Your life will be infinitely easier.

Surprised that I'm the first to say - he's a cocklodger.

I fel I must have misunderstood your post. What does he contribute to the household expenses - food, bills, rent? It cant be fuck all, surely?

What is he paying for? He's on a very cushy number from the sounds of it, spending like a child with pocket money, and not being a responsible father and partner.

I'd say goodbye to this one. You deserve much better.

And he’s offering what exactly? I don’t know why on earth you’re still with him. He doesn’t provide financially at all and keeps all of his money for himself, despite the fact you have a child and you do all of the chores and cooking. You probably wouldn’t even notice if he left.

How is this a question OP? Kick him out and your life will become much easier as you won't have to tidy up after him. And get child support so he actually contributes to your child's expenses

I cannot believe what I am reading.
Need more information about whether you jointly own or rent your home?
How can you possibly pay for everything on a 3 days pw part time job?
Is he paying anything?

I was expecting this to be one of those where he does some but not a lot and is arguing that his contribution is more than it is in reality. But your DP does nothing, absolutely nothing! He doesn’t even pay half the bills or food. You and your DC would be so much better off in every aspect of life if he went. He must have thousands in savings at your expense with working full time and zero costs!

You are being like his mum at this point, in fact if a mum posted this about her 20 yo son, posters would tell her to take some board off him and make him do some chores!

Leave the bastard.

Ditch the man baby, he is taking the piss.

What? he pays nothing and you're asking if you're unreasonable? Which makes me think that the abuse in this relationhip is probably more than just the financial abuse you're detailing here.

Have you read your post back? Now, tell us why on earth shouldn't he contribute to the household and his DC? Kick the fucker out...

Hi op sorry you’re in a relationship with a selfish twat. It doesn’t matter who works harder the dc is joint expense so he should be paying half of everything and if he’s not willing to get rid then claim child maintenance he’s a cock lodger he might not have to tell you what he earns but he certainly needs to cough up for a roof over his head and to support the child he helped conceive. Honestly some men are fucking horrible twats who really treat women with such contempt and disrespect please shout up hey twat your baby needs money. Omg.

Why the hell are you with a lazy, good-for-nothing freeloader?