Not sure if I’m doing more than my partner or aibu? (Quite a long post)

[hl8]

Me and my partner both work, he works full time 5 days a week in construction so works hard and I work part time 3 days a week in a supermarket plus as much overtime I can get. We have a child together and live together.

I do the cleaning and cooking and all the housework which I don’t mind, but my partner is very messy and doesn’t clean up after himself and I’m endlessly tidying away his things and his excuse is he’s been working all day.

He is paid weekly and I am paid monthly and obviously earn less money than him yet I pay all of the bills plus debts and pay for everything when it comes to our child and also the food. We have had many arguments about this and he says he works harder for his money, I’m also not aloud to know how much he earns as ‘his money is his money and it’s none of my business’

We are both smokers which we both pay for but aside from that he spends his money on breakfasts and lunch at work, he will sometimes go to the shop to buy snacks for our child, or his PlayStation and gambling apps.

I understand that he works harder than I do but I’m really struggling financially and barely scraping by while he is living quite comfortably, am I being unreasonable thinking he should be helping me pay the bills and for other things?

he works harder for his money? I don't understand how that means he doesn't need to pay his bills, food or his child's expenses?

My DH works 5 days I work 3 like you. DH pays all the bills. I buy the food. How can you afford to pay all the bills that is so wrong.

Are you claiming UC as a single parent? So how can you afford to support your entire family and a grown ass man on a part time wage?

He’s got it made hasn’t he? You and Govt pick up his bills and he gets free accommodation, free sex and a free maid. Boom!

What is the point of him?

So he's a cocklodger.

Kick him out and file for maintenance.

You pay all of the bills?

Rent/mortgage
Council tax
Water
Electric/Gas
Insurance
TV licence
Internet
Food
Debts - credit card bills and similar

And also everything for your child?

You pay all of that? By yourself? Sorry the whole 'who works harder' argument is nothing if he pays for absolutely nothing in your household.

You need to pay bills proportional to your income. If he earns more, he should pay more than you. That’s the fairest way. It’s a problem if you don’t know what he earns. You say he’s paying nothing “because he works hard for his money”. How can you live with this person who is treating you so badly. This is financial abuse. You say you don’t mind about the housework, but he should be helping too. Ok if you do more as you work fewer hours but he needs to do his share. The messiness and untidiness would also drive me mad. Why should you clean up after another (man)-child? Or put up with a mess if no one does it?

What a lazy selfish individual? What do you see in him?

it just makes no sense. Is it his child? Does he live there? Does he eat the food?

Why on earth does he thing he should not pay for it?? And why does he think he should do no housework?
He earns more - but it does not benefit you in any way!

He's treating you like you're his parent not his partner. An irresponsible juvenile-minded man. He won't change. Especially not when your only course of action is words. Either kick him out or stop feeding and picking up after him. If you can't do that, then just put up with it for the next 20 years. On his own, he will have to cope and spend his own money. Or find another sucker.

He works harder for his money? Really? Your work is also alll physical and when you add up your paid employment and house tasks - you put in way more hours a week

Get rid of- claim benefits and reap the rewards - he’s the type of bloke to move on quick

Does he have a golden cock? Kick him out and tell him good riddance.

He spends all his wages on lunches and gambling?! Every penny?!

While you financially support both him, you and the kid?!

What's your housing situation, in joint names/just yours/owned/rented?

According to your other thread he cheats on you too and doesn’t like you going out and being exposed to other men.

When are you going to wake up and smell the coffee? He's no good for you, get rid.

Every time I think I’ve seen an all time low on MN someone else comes along and beats it! WTF do you get out of this relationship? He could have the looks of a Hemsworth brother and be amazing between the sheets and I’d still be telling you to LTB before he sucks all the life out of you

So he brings absolutely nothing to the table? Nada. Zero. Zilch

Why are you with him? Serious question

this sounds mental

and I read another of your threads, OP. He doesn't even like to spend time with you, plus has isolated you from your friends while he goes out all the time himself. Are you happy in this relationship?

He's taking the piss.

The real question is, what are you going to do about it?

So you’re his mother? I take that back, not even a mother would let their adult, wage earning son away with not making any sort of contribution to the household.

He’s taking the mick and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s spending money on all sorts of nonsense.

Im sorry your partner is so selfish

He’s taking you for a mug.

Oh please stop, you can not think this is ok.

I know it's easier for me to say this than for you to do it but please leave this man that has no consideration for you or your child.

My ex was exactly like this and I stayed way longer than I should have. His money was his money and he was allowed weekends away with his friends and weeks at festivals hundreds of miles away from our home. I was told if I could save up enough momey then I could do things too but as I was part time to allow him to work full time I didn't make anything like the salary he did.

I am much better off now. I have been able to take the kids away on holiday as well as a couple of short trips on my own with a solo women travellers group on facebook. My life, and my kids life, is so much better now. I am fully in control of my finances and not having to scrape pennies and get myself into debt to provide for them.

Sorry also forgot to say contact Women's Aid about financial abuse as they were a great help to me!

I wish these threads where OP doesn't return after the first post could be reported and deleted

So why does he think you should be funding him and his child?

seriously. Why does he think his money is his and your money is his?