To think no one is as excited about your wedding as you are and people get annoyed fast?

[ItWasJustChickenToMe]

One thing I wish more people remembered when planning a wedding: no one is as excited about it as you are. Not your bridesmaids. Not your extended family. Not your mates from work. Definitely not your cousin’s plus-one.

It’s a huge day for you and yes, people care about you but they’re not going to live and breathe every detail like you do. In fact, the more you talk about it, the more likely they are to get quietly annoyed. And if you start expecting them to care as much as you do… oof.

AIBU to think wedding planning often becomes a tunnel vision thing, and people forget that others are just living their normal lives, not orbiting around your centrepiece arrangements?

Definitely agree. And I wasn't even that excited about my own wedding, it was just a lovely day with all the people I cared about, but it was still just one day.

Agreed: we told people after the event for precisely this reason. There were six in our wedding party: my husband, our witnesses, my beloved stepchildren and me. We had a brilliant day

We seem to have lost the idea that a wedding is a celebration and the guests are that, guests to be considered and entertained. Throw a decent party with the best guest experience in mind and people might be more interested, but all the details for the SM photos, not so much.

I’m really excited for big events in my friend’s lives personally. Babies, weddings, new job, new kitchen.

I may not be quite as excited as the bride but I’m definitely interested and want to hear about it.

It's a party after signing a financial contract. Oddly nobody has one after signing a mortgage agreement.

Absolutely, I'm glad to hear that you have this wisdom.
It's a big day for you but it's just one day out of what it's supposed to be a lifetime of marriage.
For everyone else your wedding ranges anywhere on their radar from "an event that they're looking forward to attending" to "an event that they're really not looking forward to attending but they kind of have to because of obligations and they can't wait for it to be over" (because it's going to be a late night, they don't know anyone, they have to find the right outfit, the cost, the gift, the travel, staying overnight, getting babysitter, whatever).

It's just an inconvenience for them, and, constantly hearing about it, how the planning is going, what you're doing how much things cost... Ranges anywhere from "White noise that goes in one year and out the other" to "utter annoyance that they're usually too polite to mention".

But as negative as all that sounds, I do wish you a lovely upcoming wedding and a happy life!

Totally agree. People need to remember that it is often costly for people to attend their event too and, if they make it too difficult, they shouldn't be upset when wanted guests decide not to come. Especially if the guests also need to travel. Guests are actually doing the couple the favour of attending their event.

You are being 100% reasonable!

These days, the expectations around weddings are getting out of hand, it’s wild how much time and money couples expect their friends and family to commit. IMO, a wedding should be a day spent as a happy celebration of two people coming together, not a production that stresses everyone out. All the extra demands are a bit inconsiderate I think. Outfits, gifts, travel and accommodation are all wedding expenses you expect to spend. But hen dos, rehearsals, planning parties, debrief events, etc. etc. they all cost time and money, that many don’t have spare for themselves never mind to spend on someone else.

My best friend is planning her wedding and honestly, I'm already fucking tired of it. We're meant to go wedding dress shopping, for which I had to book time off work and pay for a hotel in London, and all she fucking talks about is how she hates all the dresses, she's never going to find anything nice and she's dreading the shopping trip. So let's fucking cancel it then????

The wedding is abroad, in the US. She now wants a hen do in Mexico. Erm wtf are you smoking? I'm the only parent in our friendship group and no one understands why i won't take a week off work to go to Mexico, the same year I'm.also taking 2 weeks off work to go to her wedding. I'd like a holiday with my child, thank you? And also, where is this magic money tree exactly to pay for all this?

I don't know anyone in real life who makes a fuss over weddings as they do here on MN. Whether that be the bride themselves, people invited or some outrage over an invite / no invite / money request.

I was very excited about my friends weddings and loved hearing about it during the planning and build up. I like to see my friends happy and excited and I like to join them in that, is that not normal?

Yes I've had 2 weddings and my first one with just my DH and 2 friends acting as witnesses was absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately the marriage wasn't.
My second wedding which was not large but involved my family was absolutely awful -left me in tears and had long term ripple effects.

House warming party?

Bit curmudgeonly, nothing wrong with being happy for others

I think most of us can be happy and engaged for our close friends. I just meant that outside of your inner circle, a lot of people don’t have the same level of investment and it’s easy for brides/grooms to forget that. There’s a difference between being supportive and being as excited as the couple themselves.

That's fine and I'm the same but when they monopolise the conversation and couldn't care less about anyone else's news it becomes annoying.

agree. no one had any details or input to my wedding. everything including venue was booked before we told people we had a date. went wedding dress shopping on my own. brought a friend with me to show when picked my dress. brideamaids dress bought online. now covid postponed my wedding so when actual day came around I didn't enjoy the buid up as it was more can we have the day we want ? can we have the amount of people not wear masks etc. my husband sorted the flowers- florists was shocked. wish I enjoyed the build up more but honestly no one needs to know all the details etc my hen party was one night a 1 hour drive away that's all. I think people were more surprised we actually got married - no one expected us to ever 🤣

Someone at work is like this, banging on and on about their upcoming nuptials. This is their 3rd marriage! No-one is interested.

It doesn't bother me, surely its just part of chatting about peoples lives - kids, family, jobs, events etc

One of my friends got married about 5 years ago and me and my other friend were dragged along b her journey with her it was relentless……
dresses to earrings to flowers to make up and hair trials with various people
hen nights, hen holiday, night before wedding pamper
she was nearer 50 than 40 wore a dress that resembled a 1970’s toilet cover lady! she’d she tried some gorgeous ones on why she chose the one she did I don’t know!
she’d Phone at 10pm at night panicking about seating plans and photographers

it was horrendous and cost her about £20k

they are now divorced

but you are absolutely right - me and the other friend used to dread the latest in the drama!! We now joke she’s back on online dating we might have this mark 2 but I absolutely wouldn’t entertain it this time round - it was boring and tedious!!!

Why on earth haven’t you told her to go fuck herself?

Don’t just be tired of it - be done with it. Your child needs your money, time and energy. Your erstwhile friend will survive without them, and frankly won’t even acknowledge your efforts anyway.

Don't worry, I have said no to the hen do abroad and the trip to London I'm excited about. I'm not really doing anything I don't want, but I am amazed at how self centered my friend became all of a sudden. It's really not like her at all.

So true, I feel it’s one big massive chore now if I had to attend one. All our friends got married in their late 20s and it was fun and exciting and we all were child free. Now it would be more of a pain to go to one.

I dunno, I gave my bridesmaids a budget and a colour scheme and told them to run their choices past me. Two of them nailed it without fuss - one got her dress on the drive home from meeting, and it was on sale for £15!

The third... Fucking hell. Suggestions that were the wrong colour. Ones that were basically my unconventional bridal outfit. Rejected my suggestions of a white dress with matching accessories to the other BM.

It took me months to coax her into choosing an outfit, and she badgered me about the details of mine all that time too. Then she wanted all the bridesmaids to have coordinating accessories to "pull them together" when I didn't give a toss.

Then after prodding at my choices for being unconventional for all that time, she got married in a jersey floral tea dress and a novelty hat.