To think no one is as excited about your wedding as you are and people get annoyed fast?

[ItWasJustChickenToMe]

One thing I wish more people remembered when planning a wedding: no one is as excited about it as you are. Not your bridesmaids. Not your extended family. Not your mates from work. Definitely not your cousin’s plus-one.

It’s a huge day for you and yes, people care about you but they’re not going to live and breathe every detail like you do. In fact, the more you talk about it, the more likely they are to get quietly annoyed. And if you start expecting them to care as much as you do… oof.

AIBU to think wedding planning often becomes a tunnel vision thing, and people forget that others are just living their normal lives, not orbiting around your centrepiece arrangements?

Just your DH went to a hotel for the night?

Or did you miss "and I" off?!

There are debrief events for weddings now?!? WTF

Me too. I had to rein in my mum who wanted way more fuss than I did. I was a bit older getting married (36), and am a committed Christian so the most important parts for me were a simple but personal ceremony in my church officiated by my vicar friend, ad being with select friends and family, not being a princess for the day.
I see you have a silly soggy spaniel - my daft as a brush over excited Labrador had to feature too. Thin he got more attention than me in the end. He usually does.

The last wedding I was a bridesmaid for had a debrief event. Honestly, it was relentless. You spend months around people you barely know, enduring every stage of planning, multiple hen dos, and then it all keeps going on social media after with endless photos and “memory” posts. It’s exhausting. I had no hen do, no expectations, no events beyond the actual day. It’s funny how a bride’s true character can reveal itself through the whole process too. You think you really know someone… until they get engaged 👹

Engagement parties too… and then stay engaged for years. That’s another one.

The only thing I can remember about any wedding I’ve been invited to….was how much the drinks at the bar cost. Nothing else. The dress? Was probably white. The food? Average. The speeches? Didn’t listen. The price of a glass of red at the bar-bloody extortionate!

Yes! Having a baby is a big event for the parents and grandparents, maybe uncles/aunts (but not always). Otherwise you're just doing something that millions around the world do every single day! It's not a big thing really! And gender reveals, does anyone actually care whether someone is having a boy or a girl?! It's like when people bring in their babies to work. I'm not interested! It's a baby. I've seen many babies in my life, it's nothing exciting.

You could literally say that about anything...

my cousin fell out with us all because we weren't excited enough about his first child. Fact is only for the parents / grandparents and possibly a close aunty/uncle is it exciting for... I also don't remember (no care) that he wasn't remotely interested in my children... why would he be!

I did a gender reveal - only I already knew the gender it was just for my kids especially DD who wanted a gender reveal... we had a streamer cannon and had afternoon tea. Didn't actually invite anyone beyond the kids - it was lovely tbf!

Actually everyone I know has had a housewarming when they bought a house!!

To celebrate moving into a new home. Not for signing a financial agreement.

I am also happy and excited to hear about wedding plans. It's when I'm asked to start doing stuff and spend my own money that I really resent it.

I also feel that in your late 30s it's a bit naff and too late to be doing the white dress, 200 people party, make fucking party favours, go on abroad hen do stuff. Most of your friends who wanted that stuff did it in their 20s when no one had any commitments. Being asked to go to a hen do abroad and then having a child free wedding, when loads of people have small children, is an enormous ask.

Oops 😅

Im one of them people that dont get interested in weddings.
Especially if it's a huge fuss.
Same as anyone having a baby no interest.
Especially when it the 3rd or 4th baby and they bang on like it the first baby ever born.

I think this can be one of the reasons people get massive come down blues after weddings- they throw so much into it that the reality of day to day in the months afterwards seems somewhat dull - I also think weddings are made a huge deal of by some organising them due to less ongoing opportunities for a damn good bash day to day - I realise this isn’t the case for everyone but I do remember when I was younger there were more ‘events’ be that big Xmas parties ( personal or work) christenings, industry galas, works trips - maybe it’s not the same for everyone but I work in a sociable industry where there used to be a ton more of this throughout the year-

Proposed on Monday, married in a church on Saturday. Costs were rings, hiring a wedding suit, bride wore Mums dress. A great day with 70 people there and a lovely small party down the road hosted by bride's mothers best friend.

Fantastic day still remember it. I was working in Jersey at the time and came back to London on the Friday evening.

We’re all different :) I love it all. You want a 30 foot train - go for it! Few nights abroad to celebrate - yeah I’m in! Hand with favours - yep, when do you need me?

I think the important bit is that all the weddings Ive been asked to do more than just turn up to are all cherished friends and family members. I think a lot of the wedding resentment on this site comes from people who don’t particularly like the friend or family member or they don’t know how to say ‘I’m not able to make it but hope you have an amazing day/hen’ (not saying this is you @BoyFTM645).

*note to say doesn’t have to be a cherished friend to talk non-stop about their wedding, I genuinely like all the details. Have a colleague getting married next year and I love the updates.

I got married 32 years ago and weddings were far more relaxed and simple. Hen/ Stag nights were a night out in town ,drinking too much.meal,karaoke and home 🤷‍♀️

I fully agree with you OP.
I had a small, informal wedding because I was in the throes of friends getting married where hen parties were abroad, weddings were in expensive venues hours away on a Thursday, dress rules, second day events...

Love that your hound made an experience!! Mine got a mention in the speeches 😂

Now that’s the way to do it and lovely x

Is there a reason for it being in the US or just because they fancy it?
Mexico is just utter fucking lunacy.

@Theyreeatingthedogs her future DH is from there, it will be lovely. But it's in a remote location and child free so a big ask already, which I was happy to oblige as it's a year away, I do have childcare at home and I am genuinely looking forward to it. But after the announcement, the add ons started piling up.

I have said no to Mexico with zero guilt. I am perfectly able to say no, but it takes the fun out of it!!

My thinking is - most people do like a celebration/wedding/christening/whatever but you have to make it a bit easy for people too, right? If you just make ridiculuous demands that people have to decline, where is the fun in that?

Oh he sure did. He was trotted in on his lead with my mum and he was a very good boy during the ceremony. We took him up to the table when we signed the register and he sat by us while my choir sang an anthem.

I would have agreed 20 years ago when we were going to a wedding every weekend. Now we almost never do- I have one friend planning a wedding next year and I'm desperate to hear all about it 😂

I love a celebration