To think Adult wishlists for Birthdays or Christmas are quite cheeky

[GrabbyCF]

What do you think of adults sending wishlists for Birthdays and Christmas?

DH's cousin just sent her mother's (DH's aunt) list for her birthday. Then she suggested that DH and BIL and SIL get the most expensive item - a yoga mat that costs over a £100.

Lists should always be suggestions of ideas not a demand and should only be provided to gift buyers at their request. Also very weird for outside immediate family.

I would buy something small and say ‘thanks for the idea but we’ve already got her a little something’

A list is handy. If budget is £30 then the 3 dh bil sil can get the yoga mat between them

Whether or not a list is a good idea, it doesn't mean DH should feel pressured into buying the most expensive thing on the list. He can choose a smaller item.

Tbh I find the idea of prearranged gift giving really bizarre. I don't buy gifts for my family apart from birthdays and even then only my mum and dad unless I come across something spectacular for a sibling.

My mum once told me she wanted pants for her bday present, probably cos she couldn't think of anything else she really needed or wanted, I said NO WAY am I buying my mother a pack of pants ffs.

Adults should buy things they want and can afford for themselves.
Material goods are not sentimental for me, and tbh I don't want any more things, I got enough.
I am more interested in sharing time and company.

It’s normal in my family, we all use online wishlists - add things to it through the year when we notice a thing we would like, then choose things for each other. We do all try to make sure there’s a good range of budgets and types of gifts on them though which I think helps.

I really don't like lists, but understand why others do. I put a lot of thought into gifts and generally like to have most Christmas shopping done by September, so lists wouldn't work for me. I buy throughout the year. No-one on my side of the family uses lists. DH's family all send lists and sometimes I am shocked at how pricey items are, as that puts a lot of pressure on the buyers..

Love lists. My children have lists too
A Santa list and a family list.
It's not to say they will get everything on the lists but its handy to go off.
My typical list will be like new pj's, new shower stuff
So not narrowing it completely down so that it'll still be a surprise

We all have one. My parents ask us for them and we use them for our sibling/partner secret santa. I dont do a ss with my friends anymore but we always shared our wishlists to either buy from or inspire. I'd rahtrt buy something somoen3 wants than something they smile politely at ans then donate to the charity shop.

A simple conversation 'what would you like' should be enough. Seems grabby to have a list.

I should have said are wishlists cheeky if they are not just ideas for the buyer and you are expected to buy from them.

When we have so much unwanted tat clogging up landfills, it makes sense to me to have lists (within reason) as a way to avoid more unwanted tat being thrown out. And it saves people hunting around for hours/days trying to find something they think great aunt Ethel or cousin Fred might like but probably won't.

Also DH's aunt and cousin would be agast if my DH sent her a Birthday or Christmas wishlist

I love lists and my family always did them for years - we all ended up with exactly what we wanted and everyone was happy. Then last year one of my siblings insisted that it would be MUCH nicer if we all bought each other ‘lovely surprises’. I objected, but said sibling is pretty forceful and we all agreed to give it a try. I ended up with several items of clothing which are completely unsuitable for my lifestyle and which I will never wear - they are still languishing in my wardrobe as I feel like I can’t donate or sell them without terribly insulting the giver. So yeah, lists all the way please.

I only buy for my adult DC and my DH and we always write lists. I like to list about six things and would be happy with any combination of them.

Would you considered knocking present buying for them on the head.?

In this scenario the cheekiness isn't the list it's that things on the list are really expensive and i also find adult cousins buying each other Christmas presents unnecessary

Sounds a bit grabby tbh.
Kids have lists for santa.
Adults should expect a box of chocolates or a bottle od wine

Why?

I swap ideas with my mum and sister- eg one of us might say they could do with some nice socks or a calendar or the new Ian McEwan or whatever. But it depends on your budget and norms around presents- we only do small gifts so it would be very odd to so for something £100+.

Your husbands cousin? We don't even send cards to our respective cousins for birthdays or Christmas, let alone presents, I'd be shutting that shit down.

As an adult surely you just buy what you need for yourself when you need it. The notion of adults giving other adults anything other than a token gift of thanks is weird.

It wouldn’t even cross my mind to give or receive presents as an adult. It seems totally pointless.

Yeah i’m an aunt i get nothing from my adult nephews and nieces and i only buy their kids ( rule in the family).. Wouldn’t dream of sending a list to anyone.

Tho for the first time ever ive given a hint list of small items to my partner as he always asks. He buys great presents so i dont need to but there are a few bits i would like and i never buy. I think its cheeky to wider family tbh.

@GrabbyCFin the context of your thread it's cheeky. It's rude to say "it's my birthday so please buy me this expensive item."

We use them in our family (2 adults, two teens). Sometimes the items are specific (eg I would like these particular gloves in this colour and size). Sometimes general (eg gold hoop earrings) which gives the giver some choice. You don't get everything off the list or just things on the list; it's for inspiration and to help. We the use it to help grandparents (they don't see the shared list but when they ask for support in present buying we can say well X has asked for this, would you like to get it?). We enjoy being conspiratorial discussing who is getting what off the list, and who is going rogue with a surprise!

So totally depends how it's done.

I always ask my kids including the adults one what they wanf for Christmas, i give them mu budget and they send me a list. I prefer to buy them something they want

I don’t send a list unless someone asks, but I do ask family to make any presents for me to be just consumables…