Accusation to ss without any proof

[Zoono]

To give a bit of context when my DD was a baby she had a social worker, as I was a newly single mother and at high risk of committing suicide but there weren't any accusations of abuse or neglect. It was horrendous but I completely co operated with all professionals and they ended support within months. I do still feel a bit traumatised from that time. Fast forward two years and tonight, I have a social worker on my door. A taxi driver claims, I appeared intoxicated and under the influence of alcohol or drugs yesterday, while he drove me and my daughter home from a soft play area. I never drink when my DD is in my care even when she's asleep and I never use drugs. I did look exceptionally tired though. I feel so shaken up by tonight even though the social worker said my daughter looked well cared and my home was clean. He also thinks the case will be quickly closed. Aibu to feel that a stranger who has witnessed no obvious abuse or neglect, is out of order to report someone to social services, especially if they have no safeguarding training? I feel like never getting a taxi again.

Have some empathy ffs. You think it's worrying she can't see that? Oh to be a bloody paragon.

She literally mentions her history with SS so of course she'd be extra worried. Anyone would be. I would feel devastated too if someone judged me like that and I don't even have kids.

People feel emotions and guess what! It doesn't have to go in a perfect order of what people should feel. We all react differently in different situations. The mum is stressed and is reaching out for support on here.

Not saying the taxi driver was wrong but she has a right to feel the way she does.

Closed opinions are closed minds simple as.

Absolutely no need to do that, and are you aware how much a hair strand test costs?, In the region of £900. They are usually only carried out when child protection is involved and we OP doesn't seem to be at that stage.

Nothing is going to be taken to court based on one person reporting concerns
Even with valid concerns social services try and work with families.

He did the right thing. They’ve checked you out and it’s all fine.

So how is your health OP? Are you taking prescription meds that could dull your response or something?
What could he have mistaken for you being drunk or on drugs?

Being quiet isn’t enough. Dark circles isn’t enough. What else could it be?
We’re you vaping cannabis amd stinking of it (my pals sister does it for pain management and reeks of it but doesn't realise)? Were you ignoring your child or something?

There must be something. Even innocent. That made him think you were unfit to care for a child. Are you fit? Could you be needing help with insomnia or something to sort your tiredness. We all deserve to be happy. It’s hard sometimes but if you aren't sleeping well it can wipe you out.

If she was tired to the point of nodding off for example, it’s easy to see why she looked like she was under the influence. Maybe even groaning or putting one’s head in their hands. It’s an easy mistake to make imo.

Also someone mentioned young mothers being perceived/treated differently. We don’t know OP’s age but this could have happened too.

Hi OP I'm a social worker and I know ita very easy to say but I would worry about the fact they came round quickly. Where I work they would have had to for triage within 24-48hours regardless. It is very frequent...much more so than anyone realises for things like this to happen where things are miss reported but with good intent if what you have said is all accurate they are highly likely to close with a quick assessment and no further action.

If you have fragile mental health, please try to be grateful that people like your taxi driver exist. If you do ever have an episode, you should feel reassured that there are people around you who will intervene for the safety of your DC.
I understand the shock and hurt in the moment, but please, please try to see what a good thing this was, albeit a false alarm this time.
Sending love 🩵🩵

Obviously in this case it won’t go to court, as I already said.

But even knowing that reporting is for safeguarding, very few people are going to be ‘grateful’ about being reported, as several people have suggested.

It’s up to the social work team but a plan or court action could have happened if they took taxi drivers comments as true.

My point is OP’s feeling safe valid. That is all

Imagine if you had been really sick, you said you felt extremely tired...the taxi driver may have saved your life if you'd collapsed and were unwell. I think he did the right thing...it's hard but you need to frame it as being protected and not judged

I think, I was unreasonable yesterday due to being very upset. I understand that this isn't about me but I cant always react correctly emotionally. I recently discovered through disclosures from family and a psychology assessment that i have quite severe social and emotional difficulties due to being emotionally neglected throughout my childhood. Social services were involved with my parents but not for long. I do understand that the taxi driver was only doing their job. The social worker also believes my DD appears to be loved and safe. Due to my childhood, I am overprotective of dd . I would never be selfish enough to abuse alcohol and drugs while being a responsible parent. I did struggle to get DD out of the car and slightly stumbled , although we were completely fine . Neither of us fell at all. She was sitting on my lap in the car, which isn't best practice I know but I couldn't avoid that situation. It was a rural play area , miles from home with no public transport links. I can only imagine that and my quietness ( I avoid small chat with taxi drivers at all costs) , painted a bad image of myself. My DD attends nursery, playgroup etc every week and regularly sees family who have never suggested they have any concerns. I just hope this will be all over soon.

DD is nearly 3 and was asleep in my lap, hence the stumbling. It's never happened before and neither of us were in any danger. I've just started therapy for my mental health issues too.

I think that is a bit shitty to the OP. She is allowed to feel rubbish about this and I can understand how she feels. In this situation I am sure we would all feel bad about this - regardless of agreeing that safeguarding js everyone’s responsibility.

It's both a good thing that the driver felt able to report a child he was worried about and have it taken seriously,
And bloody awful for the OP to come under suspicion.

I can totally get why you feel the way you do OP but to say people shouldn’t report concerns about child neglect? That’s bonkers quite frankly.

She is allowed to feel upset, but it isn't about her, a taxi driver was so concerned about a small child, he rang SS.

Makes me laugh some of the comments on here. Middle class women drinking wine and cocktails on holiday around swimming pools and the sea etc while their children run around = completely fine. Woman that doesn’t drive and is likely working class ‘looks’ drunk but is just tired (assuming you’re being completely honest which is usually the way I approach life until I know differently) = ‘I can’t believe you didn’t offer to do a drug test / must be more to this’ etc. it’s not actually illegal to have a drink around your children you know. I’m teetotal and am shocked by the amount of women that consume a few wines at home when their kids are in bed (you know they might wake up / get sick right?) but I’m not calling social services.

Also, the taxi driver might not be used to picking up women and children from soft play as someone said but if you don’t drive then paying for your child to go somewhere fun is admirable and not to be looked at as a negative.

Just do as you did last time OP, cooperate completely and you’ll be fine. You can get through this. Reach out for support if you need it.

You've done really well and come a long way in hard circumstances and this has triggered you. The taxi driver may also have thought you were unwell. Sounds like a welfare check to be sure a child who is too small to look after themselves/leave the house isn't stuck inside without care. I should imagine this is a result of safeguarding training the taxi driver has had and your rural position may have made it all seem more pressing- he may feel he would be the last to see you both for days. The social worker will most likely have no immediate concerns and close. They won't be allocated to you- just doing the initial check. It is no judgement on you- just a snapshot the driver had. If he was able to spend a little more time with you it wouldn't have happenned. He just had a short time to make a decision. Again congrats on building your family life.

I feel the same (taking her at face value) and wonder how some of these people would feel if social services were called if they ever have a drink and then go home to take care of their children which, let’s face it, happens all the time! No one ever believes OP’s on here, trudging through their old posts etc. The advice should be based on believing the story is true otherwise it’s pointless, if someone is lying then they should know the advice is moot and it’s their own fault.

Agreed, I dont like the tone of 'I dont look drunk when Im tired', there must be something wrong with you in these threads.

I can sometimes be a bit incoherent when Im really tired, peri has put paid to any sensible words coming out of my mouth at times, words coming out mixed up, muddled up, back to front, wrong letters, saying things like skin thin instead of thin skin or even worse things like bed ralloon instead of red balloon.

Things like that can make you look drunk, but you're just really really tired or confused.

And no theres nothing 'wrong' with me as such, all blood tests are fine etc, no deficiencies.

Very true the comments on here go a certain way because they haven’t experienced malicious reports personally. I don’t know how old op is but age of mother is like class of mother on steroids when it comes to this. I’m middle class but had my first at 16 and another later in life, the difference in how you’re treated is out of this world.

Dont get me wrong it’s great people report their concerns and they’re checked but enough of saying a parent is unreasonable for feeling uneasy about it

I'm sorry OP that must be really frightening to you. Ignore the sad little people trying to stick the knife in. I've been mistaken for being drunk when I was exhausted before too, despite being teetotal. I had a bus driver refuse to let me on a bus once because he thought I was drunk, after I'd only had an hours sleep the night before and stumbled trying to get on the bus. Malicious or mistaken reports to social services happen very frequently, I'm sure they'll close the case really soon, try not to worry too much. 💐

How do you suggest members of the public act when they see something that MIGHT be abuse or neglect? Should they do nothing in case the parents feels upset? Or should they act in case there is even a small possibility that their actions could help or even save a child’s life?

Aibu to feel that a stranger who has witnessed no obvious abuse or neglect, is out of order to report someone to social services, especially if they have no safeguarding training?
@Zoono

How do you know taxi drivers or this taxi driver doesn't have safeguarding training?
A lot of taxi drivers have school contracts, driving often vulnerable or SEN dcs to and from school.

Anyone is allows to report someone they feel might need extra support with their dcs.

You can't stop taking taxis and living your life now.

You might benefit from counselling to help with the trauma you felt with ss involved when your DC was born.

You say you never drink when looking after your child but were you drinking the night before and still had an alcohol smell about you?

I used to give someone a lift to work in the morning and if she had been out the night before, I could smell it on her in the car.