Accusation to ss without any proof

[Zoono]

To give a bit of context when my DD was a baby she had a social worker, as I was a newly single mother and at high risk of committing suicide but there weren't any accusations of abuse or neglect. It was horrendous but I completely co operated with all professionals and they ended support within months. I do still feel a bit traumatised from that time. Fast forward two years and tonight, I have a social worker on my door. A taxi driver claims, I appeared intoxicated and under the influence of alcohol or drugs yesterday, while he drove me and my daughter home from a soft play area. I never drink when my DD is in my care even when she's asleep and I never use drugs. I did look exceptionally tired though. I feel so shaken up by tonight even though the social worker said my daughter looked well cared and my home was clean. He also thinks the case will be quickly closed. Aibu to feel that a stranger who has witnessed no obvious abuse or neglect, is out of order to report someone to social services, especially if they have no safeguarding training? I feel like never getting a taxi again.

All taxi drivers in my council area have to have safeguarding training as part of their licence conditions so he’s seen something that sparked that. Agree with pp that it’s good he did this if he was worried but also feel for you op - it’s never an easy situation to be in. If everything is as you say then ss will be happy to leave you to it. Try not to worry and just be honest with them. You have nothing to hide.

We should ALL be concerned about children, well done to that man. Some tragic cases wouldn't have happened if people had spoken up.

Now reporting someone who just sat in a taxi sounds so extreme, you must have looked a lot worst than "tired". That's really weird.

If you looked that bad, yes, he was right. I would love to know what made him so worried.

I completely understand why you are upset, but I think it’s really encouraging that people like taxi drivers are doing this. We’ve heard enough stories of neighbours etc hearing abuse and not reporting because they were wary of getting it wrong. Isn’t it better that a few of these incidents happen where the reporter is wrong, than kids who are being harmed, are not helped?

Gently, as others have said, im Imagining for him to assume you were intoxicated, that you were sleepy or closing your eyes? Were you talking to your child? It’s worth thinking of the child’s perspective and how to get some support if you need more sleep (I say this as a mum who has been too grumpy this morning due to a bad nights’ sleep.) we need to do what we can to be consistent for our kids.

I don’t think anyone explicitly said he should report concerns, but I sure as F would not be grateful for an SS report.

I agree with @AppropriateAdultand particularly as OP has previous involvement, there is a level of panic that probably ensued initially. It’s lucky that the social worker can see it was a false alarm but things could have gone sideways.

If a case is taken to court, it takes months, at a minimum to resolve and extreme amounts of stress. Luckily, this isn’t the case here, but basically, you wouldn’t feel grateful to have to endure that

I am sorry, but you clearly appeared like you needed help, maybe you're in denial about that, but think about it, a taxi driver was so concerned about your daughters welfare, he rang SS, think about that.

Maybe you do need some help OP - and I mean that kindly.

Taxi drivers see a lot, an awful lot, he was clearly concerned for a reason.

err, why?

Much more vile to see a potentially dangerous situation (he doesn’t know you from Adam, how’s he to know you’re not a neglectful abusive parent) and not report it. He did exactly the right thing.

They only keep information anonymous if requested. Nobody should fear 'repercussions' for reporting concerns to children's services - I'm sure this taxi driver never gave it a second thought, why would he? He made a report as a professional who observed a concern. Should he be scared of the OP harassing him over the uber app??

Presumably he dropped her at her house?!

With due respect, this isn't about you and your feelings, its about your daughter and if you cannot see that, then maybe there is an issue.

Social services don't do on the spot drug tests. Drug testing through social services is actually pretty complicated and expensive. Drug services do urine dip screens but social services do not do that.

An over-zealous reporting culture has consequences, though, beyond just the distress caused to parents. As one example, parents whose baby rolls off the bed and bumps their head are less likely to seek medical attention if they know this will trigger an SS referral.

I’m not arguing against safeguarding, just against the idea that it’s an unmitigated good with no unintended consequences. It’s possible that the taxi driver was just wrong - taking the OP at face value, his concerns were not well-grounded.

That's absurdly paranoid and excessive.

Why should we take OP at face value though? I'm not saying she's lying, but we have no idea, and something happened that caused the taxi driver to think the baby was unsafe.

I havent RTFT but are you on amy medication that may cause slurred speech etc? I have a family member who is on medication and it does sometimes make her sound a bit drunk but she seems completely unaware of it, could this be the case? I hope things get cleared up quickly for you x

Very strange. I can't imagine a taxi driver reporting you to social services and saying you were under the influence of drinks and drugs unless you were. Are you on prescription medication that makes you drowsy. You say you look tired, did you fall asleep in his

Doesnt makes sense.

Posted too soon.

Did you fall asleep in his car?

OP said she was tired

It is good if people report their concerns and things are checked to make sure it’s ok, doesn’t mean it’s not distressing for the parent while it’s happening which was that posters point. I wonder how old the op is? Because as someone who had one child at 16 and another later in life I can tell you, you get treated a lot differently by everyone.

Such investigations are great for making sure children are ok don’t get me wrong but can leave the parent paranoid for life, I’ve personally seen older parents jokingly talking about things I’d be way too paranoid to say even as a joke

I have no doubt it is, but I think the perspective has to be that what you're going through is nothing compared to the trauma experienced by child that is being abused and no-one reports it because the don't want to potentially put the parents through unnecessary trauma.

This. No one’s suggesting you’re unreasonable to feel upset about the report, only that it’s less important in the scheme of things than a child at risk being detected. And SS’s quick response was presumably due to your past record. Two years isn’t very long ago, and you were clearly in enormous mental distress then.

He absolutely did the right thing, a lot of people turn a blind eye. He cared about the welfare and safety of your child. Good on him.

We are all tired at some stage but op must have looked more than "tired" for the taxi driver to report her. I'm an ex nurse, regularly worked 13/ 14 hour shifts and had three young children. Was I tired? Exhausted. Did I look tired? Absolutely. Was I ever reported to social services...NO.

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this @Zoono two things can be true at once- you can care about safeguarding for all children and understand that it is all our responsibility to speak up if there is concern, and also feel awful at the thought that someone thought you were doing something to put your children in harms way.

you mentioned only 2 years ago you were at high risk of self harming/ suicide - it’s great that you’re in a much better place but 2 years in the grand scheme of things is not that long of time. If you feel as you say your mental health is taking a h it because of this incident please seek help - talk to friends/ family IRL - there’s lots of crisis teams / 24/hr people you can speak to Samaritans etc. I’m sure the taxi driver was doing what he thought was best for your daughter and I think if you can reframe it in your mind (although I appreciate difficult to do ) how nice that you live in a society where people are willing to go out of their way to make sure children are protected. Social services will receive lots of concerns that come to nothing / where it is a closed case. Information will be shared and there will be no repercussions for you. Please get help for your mental health x x

I'd be upset too. It's a horrible thing to happen to you.
But look at it from the pov of those children who are being neglected/abused. Think of the cases where people are suspicious but they don't report because they don't want to get involved or point the finger at someone who may be innocent.
SS are trained to look into these reports and quickly ascertain if things are ok or not. They don't always get it right but it sounds as though they assessed you and said you're fine. Hopefully they'll leave you alone now.
But over reporting is better than underreporting. If one child is saved by these reports it's worth the upset to those of us who may be innocently accused however horrible it may be.