Accusation to ss without any proof

[Zoono]

To give a bit of context when my DD was a baby she had a social worker, as I was a newly single mother and at high risk of committing suicide but there weren't any accusations of abuse or neglect. It was horrendous but I completely co operated with all professionals and they ended support within months. I do still feel a bit traumatised from that time. Fast forward two years and tonight, I have a social worker on my door. A taxi driver claims, I appeared intoxicated and under the influence of alcohol or drugs yesterday, while he drove me and my daughter home from a soft play area. I never drink when my DD is in my care even when she's asleep and I never use drugs. I did look exceptionally tired though. I feel so shaken up by tonight even though the social worker said my daughter looked well cared and my home was clean. He also thinks the case will be quickly closed. Aibu to feel that a stranger who has witnessed no obvious abuse or neglect, is out of order to report someone to social services, especially if they have no safeguarding training? I feel like never getting a taxi again.

I'd be really upset and anxious if I was you.
I'd also be very worried as the taxi driver if I thought I'd left a young child with someone under the influence and worry something could happen to the child. For the taxi driver, it's better to be safe than sorry. He did the right thing to report his concerns and leave it to the professionals to investigate.

The taxi driver did the right thing and would be very relieved if he knew that in fact you were just exhausted and there was nothing wrong. Please try not to feel as if he's done something against you and remember that it's a good thing that he conveyed his concerns to ss, because maybe one day he will have a passenger who is guilty of being drunk/drugged and putting a child in danger. Better to report and there be nothing wrong than not report and a child is harmed. Your conscience is clear and it wasn't personal because he doesn't know you.

This must be really scary and upsetting but these safeguarding rules are in place for a reason. People need to be able to report suspicions without gathering proof first. If evidence was needed for every case so many more children would be put at risk. Try and take a minute, if your providing your child a safe and loving home it won’t take them long to notice.

Every time one of these threads comes up - and it happens a lot, OP, you’re far from alone - the predominant response is either a sort of “no smoke without fire” suspicion, or else to tell the OP that they should be grateful that people are looking out for their kids, and that SS are just doing their job etc. There’s rarely any acknowledgement that it is hugely distressing to have an allegation of child abuse or neglect made against you. I’m really sorry this happened, OP. Once the report has been made they do have to investigate, but it doesn’t mean that this taxi driver was right to report you, or that he was acting in good faith; I wonder if, for example, there were cultural differences that mean he has particular ideas about how women should behave in public. Either way, it sounds like there are no grounds to continue an investigation, and hopefully it’ll all be settled very soon. Hope your daughter had a lovely day out.

That was one of the first things I said to the social worker, tbf. Im willing to do anything to prove my innocence.

I'd be engaging a solicitor and getting them to drug test via blood/hair, etc.

Thank goodness for people like the taxi driver who will pick up the phone and report any concerns. So many won’t. They are just checking you are both OK and don’t need any support (particularly if you’ve had MH problems in the past).

To be honest I think you’re being unreasonable. It takes a lot of courage for someone to make a report to SS, and I think he was likely validly concerned as opposed to being malicious. I really doubt taxi drivers generally go around making SS reports of passengers given they deal with drunk people often.

Yes, it is stressful for you. But ultimately it’s in the best interests of your child - child abuse/neglect is an under-reported area as opposed to having an abnormal amount of false claims, we want people to make valid reports for valid concerns otherwise the outcome is poor for children. I totally get and understand that it’s difficult for you too.

I also do think you’re being slightly U about getting the visit with “no proof”. Most issues social services investigate happen behind closed doors so often there isn’t a lot of categorical proof. The purpose of the visit was to obtain proof. Even if they were going to ask you to take a test, they still need to make contact to arrange the test surely.

But you did. A complete stranger has no reason to make that call other than honest concerns.

I appreciate it feels shit but it's better than people ignoring concerns.

Why? That sounds like a total over-reaction and expensive to boot.

@Zoono sorry this had happened to you.

I think it's reasonable that Social Services, on receiving a report and checking your details in their files, that they reacted quickly. It's only been 2 years since your previous involvement with SS. As to why the taxi driver chose to report you, we can only speculate on what made him feel worried enough to do that. I'd like to think it was genuine concern but who knows?

This is obviously a big shock for you and traumatic, as it would be for any mother. Do you have some support from friends or family? You can always ring Samaritans if you need to talk, they are there to listen and not judge.

That's insane . I can't afford to do that. If ss provides me with any tests to carry out I obviously would but I've literally done nothing wrong

I understand OP as I'd feel upset too but the driver even though he got it wrong, did the right thing. My MIL was reported to SS for being drunk whilst her younger child was in her care by a delivery driver. She's got cerebral palsy so her speech does sound slurred. He got it wrong but he did right reporting it as for all he knew she really might have been drunk. SS came out and it got straightened out and case was closed relatively quickly, I hope it's same for you OP.

That's reassuring thank you.

Really?

How much do you think that costs and to pay for a solicitor too?

Drug and alcohol tests are sometimes, not always ordered within care proceedings, they're expensive and not always even used within proceedings if parents are drink and drug users because its not really going to tell you anything you dont already know, its a waste of money for that purpose

So a bog standard member of the public, would be also wasting their time and money just to do one to prove what? Do you think a one off alcoholic evening (not saying OP was drunk after all) would show on a test like that? Do you know how they work?

OP I often can look very confused and disoriented, wobbly and unsteady when Im really tired and it often occurs to me that if someone saw me and didnt understand they would think Im drunk. Let social services do their work and it will be fine.

That must be upsetting op. But, I think the taxi driver was erring on the ‘better to be safe than sorry’ route

If you're so tired that you appear intoxicated, I would personally say that was concerning.

Why are you so tired? Does the taxi driver know you personally so is aware of your history?

Very upsetting for you but I think that it’s good that the taxi driver didn’t ignore his concerns and knew what to do.

In your case everything was ok but the next child he picks up may not be.

I get the first bit of your post btw I feel the same sometimes I found out I was pregnant with my first when I was 15 and a teacher who hated me made a malicious report and they stuck around for a while even though it was complete spite because of my age.. but don’t worry once they check and see everything is fine and it wasn’t true they will move on

Far better that a taxi driver made a mistake than never to report concerns. They may one day report something that gets a child the support they through neglect or abuse. It's been scary for you but scarier for the children who really are living like that. It's not about you - it's about a society who works together to protect children. They 100% did the right thing and it's quite worrying that you can't see that.

As someone with safeguarding training at its basic level - the taxi driver did the right thing, he escalated someone more qualified to assess.

And yet we get told child safe guiding is everyone, s responsibility, frequently on here
Surely its better the taxi driver passed on their concerns to the relevant agencies?

There are schemes that offer taxi drivers safeguarding training. You'd be surprised at what they come across.

Something about you worried him, have you had your bloods checked for deficiency at the doctors?

Think about someone cared enough for both you and your child. To get someone to check in.

Yes, it lead to a simple closed case. Try not to try and make it feel personal just put it down to someone cared enough.

You’re doing a wonderful job, give yourself a squeeze and a tap on the back. One day you may come across a moment when you not sure whether to waste SS time or not - hopefully you’ll decide it’s better just to reach out.