Is this inheritance set up unreasonable?

[Burntt]

Couple have been together 8 years.

Thinking of buying a house together/getting married. Blended family and need to have the wills discussion before financial entanglement.

Person A. 2 kids from previous relationship. One is disabled meaning they can’t really work anymore now a full time carer. Kids primary age.

Person B. 2 children from previous relationship now teenagers. Well paid job.

One shared child.

Person A owns a property and will rent it out for some income but it’s pennies compared to person B salary.

The new house will be both on the deeds and eventually spilt evenly between all children in the wills.

Other parent of children B also a high earner and has no other children. While we cannot know how that will go it’s likely children B will inherit well from both parents. Children A will get nothing from their other parent.

The question is about person A property and inheritance likely to come from grandparents.

Person B thinks the rental and both sets of inheritance should be split equally between all children in the wills. Person A would likely use inheritance to get a second rental and the rent would be joint money but once A is dead both rentals divide by 3 children (2 previous and shared child).

I’d like some outside perspective without having to talk money with friends and family.

Bit late now having had a baby with her.

Exactly. B is able to fully support himself and his children financially and has no actual need for A. B could also hire a nanny for their shared child and have equal custody. If anything, A is a financial detriment and the fact A seems to think otherwise goes to show how deluded some people can be.

As I’ve said before, if I was B this would show me what A was really like, I would end the relationship or not move in and keep finances totally separate.

Yes, this!

This. You are not financially responsible for other people's kids.

OP it's pretty obvious that you are A, not sure why you're being so cryptic

Poor B, poor B’s children - clearly second best emotionally and now losing out financially too. I imagine their mother is aghast at A’s negative effect on her children’s future.
B must be really gullible.

About equal from both. A equity and B savings. But the ongoing mortgage will be mostly B as he earns 5 times what A earns

Yeah I’m the OP I didn’t want to say which I was as wanted unbiased answers. Can’t really answer questions without saying which I am tho

A seems to want her kids to benefit from B but not Ba kids to benefit from her. Either blend or don’t, but don’t decide that one set of kids is more deserving because they are younger and live with both of you. They are not.

Keep things separate and don’t live together or blend properly. As there’s a shared child you should probably do the latter. That means treating all children the same when it comes to inheritance.

You need to get specialist advice given there is a child with disabilities in the mix. Inheriting may mean that child won’t qualify for welfare support as an adult, and they may need something put into trust to ensure they have access to supported housing or similar if they need that.

So just to clarify, A will do an equity release or something on the current property? I understood A would sell her house.

I don't think it's reasonable to consider stuff like A's kids being really bonded to B, but I do think the actual numbers probably matter and you're not mad to want to protect your DC's position given your limited earning power in future.

I think the actual numbers matter though. For example you could be the only daughter of the lord of the manor and the property you'll inherit is worth £10M, so B's higher earnings of £50k a year going into a mortgage of £400k won't even be material. Then B would be the fortune hunter ;)

However it seems plausible that right now, your DC are better off inheriting directly from you, but over time, as B pays off the shared house, even a 1/5 split of all the properties will leave them better off than a 1/3 split of just your property.

If so, it might be worth calculating it with the numbers you have, and seeing how far away in the future that "cutover" point is....

That’s an opinion. And I wanted opinions so not upset. but I disagree that B kids are second best. They are great kids. I do love them but I haven’t raised them, we have lived together previously and I did the cooking washing etc etc, played board games and been in holidays etc while working full time like their dad did but I work from home so took in the house stuff. But they have a great mum there isn’t a void to fill and I met them when they were older we have a more friendly relationship. My kids have an abusive father and have known B since their toddlerhood while I’ve always kept the boundaries that he’s not their dad as not to confuse my kids if we didn’t work out just the fact that he’s been about and safe and steady has formed a bond.

She's facilitating him continuing to earn well, though, by caring for their joint child.

But it’s not B’s children’s fault that your ex won’t provide for the children you jointly had together and for all your know he could win the lottery, die without a will and leave them a fortune.

Having a disabled child complicated it. I can’t work anymore because of it. B has seen first hand the hardships my son has faced. He’s not got a school place he’s being denied a decent life because the support for kids like him just isn’t there. It’s just luck of the draw what kids you get. I worked full time and supported myself, when we met I had assests and he did not. Then we moved in together and I had to quit work to care. The stress of that time with everything that was happening broke us and we split. Time has passed and now we know the reality of life with a disabled child I’ve had a lot to come to terms with for my and my child’s future. It’s been hard for B to watch what my child has gone through too, unless you have a disabled child you honestly can’t understand how it rips you life apart.

B kids are smart and capable and will be supported through uni. They can forge their path in life. My non disabled child also smart and capable but I won’t be able to fund through uni. Disabled child we just don’t know but if he can live independently that will be an achievement he’s not going to earn well or build his own assests. That’s why I feel awkward sharing my parents inheritance with the step kids, if I do there isn’t enough to set my disabled son up and if I don’t then step kids still will have enough. If we don’t merge financially then my kids will be in the same situation financially short term but will get bursary for uni as low income.

I guess I’m just insecure because ultimately the maths works out similar no matter which way we slice it for step kids but my disabled child won’t have enough for a property if I split my parents money 5 ways. I know B he’s not a saver and he likely won’t invest his inheritance in property, likely home improvements though which do benefit everyone. Yes we get to live in a bigger nicer house but I then have to clean that (which I hate) and it’s not more space really when it’s got double the number of people in it

But he is also giving her a maintenance to do that. B could just put the child into a nursery or wraparound care. It’s very likely that B is financially allowing A to be the carer of her disabled child and their shared child is looked after by default because she couldn’t work anyway.

No I agree it’s not B kids fault my ex is nasty.

he can’t stand that he has a disabled child. He dumped him as soon as the diagnosis started coming he won’t leave him anything. He’s got a new family and pays the minimum maintenance he can because I went through CMS. He works part time and lives off his new woman like he used to live off me. Maybe he will win the lottery but he won’t share that with his son.

it’s why I wanted to ask others opinion. I desperately want all kids to get a fair deal while simultaneously fretting for my kids particularly my disabled kiddo because he’s only got me who really fights for and cares for him. I worry I’m putting my happiness and want for a family home above my sons future because

But it sounds as if B has always supported your children, as well as his own, but you want to financially disadvantage his children in his will on the basis that your ex won’t provide for them.

If all the children are treated equally, then your disabled child is likely to have four supportive siblings/step siblings once you and B are dead. Treat them differently and they will resent one another and then your disabled child could easily be alone and even more vulnerable.

That’s fair. He’s generous with maintenance in the fact he pays more than CMS calculators say he should. He does this because he knows my ex hardly pays and he loves my kids.

BUT I feel the need to defend myself and say he pays less than he would pay for half of full time childcare for our shared child. When our shared child was a baby I did all the nights and he didn’t have him as he couldn’t worth work now child is older he will have him overnight but it’s me who deals with sick bugs and all the admin. I absolutely have facilitated him keeping the well paid job. Even when we were living together previously I had step kids when they were sick or dropped off forgotten items to their mum etc so he didn’t have to disrupt work

You need to work out if you’re putting roughly an equal amount into the house, long term. If you are then it’s only fair to split your estates equally between all the kids.

However, I do think inheritance from grandparents on both sides should only go to biological grandchildren.

If I was B (also not sure why A&B used when you are clearly A), there's no way I would get married.

I guess I’m just insecure because ultimately the maths works out similar no matter which way we slice it for step kids but my disabled child won’t have enough for a property if I split my parents money 5 ways.

Have you shown him the maths for the different scenarios, and how it affects the different children? It may be that he thinks his kids will really miss out financially but the effect is not that much.

Not just the inheritance scenarios but also things like funding DC1 through uni. Who knows, maybe he's planning to pay towards DC1...

Yes and no. He did for about a year when we lived together and I had to stop work. When I was working he didn’t pay for my kids I did- but once I became a carer he supported us for a year ish. His earnings meant I didn’t qualify for any benefits not even child benefits so he had to support us. It was during Covid, I’m self employed but had employee on furlough. I was fucked financially that year. But that was him paying for the bills we split up because I had nothing to fund my car or see friends for coffee etc we were living based on two incomes then everything imploded. Now my child gets DLA as we know the reality of his life and I know what I’m dealing with caring for him, initially we had no clue what was going on it was scary. I can get carer allowance regardless of B earning and we will plan a joint home based on the income we know we have with my limitations re work.

yes he pays more than CMS in maintenance while we have lived separately and I use it for all the kids but I would NEVER of had another child if I’d known how disabled ds would be. Our shared child was planned and actually more his idea than mine. He should support his child.

If living together last time didn’t work what has changed?

You care share household expenses (including what you do at home to facilitate his work and home including perhaps being compensated) without mixing what you plan to pass on to your kids. I would talk to an estate planner, this is probably beyond our pay grade.

Personally I would be giving the disabled child a bigger share. This is what my relative is doing, although there's no steps involved. Of course there's not just one right way to do things.