Am I unreasonable to stop my mum helping me with driving the kids to school

[Kpiallo]

Am I unreasonable to stop my mum helping me with driving the kids to school?

A couple of mornings when she has come round to pick up some of my kids to drop them at school, whilst I take one to nursery, I have smelt alcohol on her. I do think she has a drinking problem, she doesn’t think so.

I smelt it this morning and said I appreciate her help I desperately need it, but I can’t let her drive my kids when I can smell alcohol on her like that.

She says she wouldn’t be over the limit if she was tested, but I’m thinking if I can smell it it her then surely that would be over the limit.

AIBU?

I’m not in doubt about it, but she is trying to twist it by saying I am pushing her out.

So I wanted to know what other people would also do in this situation.

This, before she kills someone.

I'd rather cut my mother off forever than risk DS being driven by a drunk.

Shut it dead, no debate, its not exclusion, you're dealing with facts, and the facts are you dont want your DC driven by anyone who thinks its acceptable to drive having had drink. Thats fact. Her actions put her in that bracket, not yours. No nastiness, no blame, no anger, no explosion, no twisting. Simple facts.

You would be more unreasonable to allow her to drive your kids anywhere knowing she's drunk or possibly hungover. I'd rather offend her by stopping her driving the kids to school than risk the possibility of her harming your kids and others on the road with her dangerous behaviour driving under the influence of alcohol. How long have you been allowing her to drive your kids to school when you're smelling alcohol on her? Put a stop to it. She can't even seem to see she has a problem as she is trying to justify why she feels it's ok to be driving at all when she's been drinking

I'd call the police on her. Don't care if it's your mother. She needs to be banned.

In your place I'd take the advice of other posters here & buy a breathalyser, for your mum's sake as well as your kids, the single-use ones are well under a tenner.
She's likely working off heuristics about her drinking that she feels are confirmed as correct because she's never been pulled by the police in a morning. We're approaching Christmas though, which means more police spot-checks in the mornings so her chances of getting a tug are increased. A reality check could do you all a power of good, quite aside from child safety, who's going to be running her around if she loses her licence?

A friends child was killed by another friend driving whilst drunk. It’s illegal for a reason. The killer went to jail.

No I wouldn’t let her drive my kids - as a side note my dh can smell of alcohol if he’s had whiskey the night before even if it’s only 1….. so he doesn’t drink it anymore, with exception of perhaps an evening where he isn’t going to drive the next day, if she doesn’t have a problem then she will find it easy not to have a drink

Well she just has to deal with the consequences of her drinking - she’s not allowed to drive the kids to school. I personally wouldn’t allow her to look after the kids alone at all unless they are over 10. She may well feel pushed out but that’s just tough. She is in denial and will never get out of denial unless she faces consequences

I'm speaking from experience. If you are smelling booze on her in the morning she is already drinking far more than you realise. If she is an alcoholic she will not see anything wrong in her actions and she will twist it, gaslight you and try to make you feel guilty for your decisions. Sending love. It's a horrible situation to be in. Do you have any other family members to help you or who you could confide in?

PLEASE report her! She could kill or injure someone. To know that your mother is driving under the influence and not report her is completely outrageous and indefensible.

Just stopping her driving your children is not enough. Other people's lives matter too.

You're no longer letting her drive your kids because their safety is more important than her feelings.

Frankly, fuck her feefees. My husband was maimed by a drunk driver and I know a couple people who are dead because of drunk drivers.

What would you do if she got pulled over smelling of alcohol with your kids in the car? She gets breathalyzed because she smells of alcohol and she's off to jail. Then your kids get carted off separately and you get a ss visit because you let a woman smelling of alcohol drive your kids.

I'd push her out because I had an alcoholic parent and I wouldn't have my kids around her. Been there, done that, got the scars.

Soooo many issues with this. She would definitely be over the limit if you can smell it on her. But why is mum drinking so heavily in the week? Why is she not able to abstain the night before if she knows she has to do the school run? Why is she being so blasé about others being able to smell alcohol on her (even the morning after a big night out, personally I’d be mortified). Is she working? Is she depressed? How’s her appearance and hygiene otherwise? Any financial issues?

She really could be an alcoholic given how she’s been so far, and alcoholics offer have to hit the bottom of the barrel before they accept they have an issue. I would be inclined to call the police and report her next time she gets in the car after you smell alcohol on her breath- proper 999 stuff so they can get the traffic cops to pull her over. Aside from keeping everyone safe, it may force her to face up to her drinking issues.

You can buy inexpensive breathalysers from Halfords, Amazon etc. Ask her to take a test. Chances are she will act offended and storm then you have your answer. I'm sorry.

So if you said, 'ok mum, I'll call the police, they will be perfectly happy that you're driving won't they' and make the call..

So what if you are. You should be pushing her out. She should not be driving full stop let alone putting your kids/her grandkids and the general public in danger.

Forget the breathalysers. If you reasonably believe she's been drinking, she doesn't drive your children. If you use a breathalyser and she blows under, do you let her drive them? No, so there's no point. She has no boundaries so you have to have really clear boundaries. She will try to test them, of course. It's a zero tolerance situation.

Definitely she cannot drive your kids, I'd happily fall out with my parents over this because it's literally life or death. Is there anyone else in the family you can talk to about this, stage some kind of intervention. It won't just be you who smells it, and she's a risk to herself, other road users, anyone in her car. I think you need to find a way to get her help or at least stop her drink driving. Maybe call a charity and find out some options or best ways to help. It might also be that no longer being allowed to drive your kids around gives her an eye opening moment. It'll be awkward but you have to do it.

My OH too.
If he has 1-2 beers, sometimes you can smell it the following morning.
He doesn't drive so its not an issue there either way.
But he is a good example of it being present the following day without a recent drink.

She’s an alcoholic and will blame you and twist things and make you think what they are doing is normal

dh was the same

and denial is the biggest issue

I didn’t have a drink

im Not drunk

def don’t allow her to drive your kids. She could kill them or someone else

You are doing exactly the right thing by stopping her from doing the school runs, I would also limit access in other ways so she was always supervised around the children.

if she is drink driving you need to report her. I hope you have done so. People get killed that way. You need to protect her - and others as hard as it is.

Well she has now said she is stepping back from us and that Christmas is cancelled. She will still get gifts for the kids but that’s it.

I'm honestly just so annoyed at this point.

Let her cancel HER Christmas if she chooses to do so but don't allow her to spoil it for your kids. Tell her to crack on and you'll enjoy it just the same without her. She's clearly choosing drink over her family at this point