To ask what do your kids do without tech?

[Chessandjam]

I have an 8 year old son. His tablet time is limited to 2.5 hours a day in the week, but I find it increasing on a weekend, when I have to work or get stuff done.

He goes to organised clubs and activities (Cubs, sports, music), but his home time is spent on his tablet, or drawing characters from his games when his tablet is off. When I say let’s play, he wants me to print pictures of his characters to cut out and play with. I want him to do other things of his own choosing - how do I encourage this, without organising him?? Help! What do your kids do??

We just had a selection of games and toys always available - jigsaw puzzles, board games, dress up costumes, train sets, cars, etc as well as all sorts of art supplies/colouring books/dot to dots as well as books to read - including books about the games they liked (eg Minecraft books - stories and how to guides). We also had a load of cardboard Minecraft blocks so they could build without being on a screen. But at that age, they didn’t want to play alone, so I would play with them, or one of their brothers (we have 3 boys). I would also get them to help with chores - I “invented” something I called “The chore games”. All chores were written on pieces of paper with a points score of 1-3 points based on difficulty, how long it would take or how disliked the job was. Each child would pick a chore randomly from a bag - then once they completed that job, they earned the points for it. Once all jobs were completed, the won a prize (I think I did a £5 Xbox voucher if I recall correctly and each got a chocolate bar of their choice for participation). They REALLY enjoyed it - at time my 6 year old asked if cleaning the toilet could be “his” job after doing it once!

My kids don’t have much tech, they are 9 and 7. They have a combined hour of switch Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

To be honest - it’s blooming hard work!! They do drawing, play imaginatively together e.g. Harry Potter world, write stories, Lego is a big hit!

It would be much harder if they didn’t have each other to play with. I think your son probably needs to get used to being bored! Nothing wrong with it, I’d aim for some completely tech free days otherwise his brain will just be waiting for it.

Mine have learned that if they come to me and whinge ‘I’m bored’ they get given tasks to help me around the house. I’ll say ‘oh great, if you don’t have anything to do you can help me tidy the kitchen table’. That usually encourages them to find another game to play!!

At that age - mainly Lego! Endless amounts of Lego. They also played with Gravitrax and loved board/card games. DS2 has always enjoyed cooking/baking. They'd make up games with their cuddly toys.

My son is a bit older but has always played on his trampoline no matter what the weather

We've recently started giving our two (age 5 and 7) tv time instead of tablet time. Yes it's still a screen, but they end up watching actual programmes on e.g. bbc iPlayer instead of playing mindless games or watching YouTube crap.

We find they'll watch a couple of programmes and then drift off to play with their toys, which they wouldn't have done with the tablet. Plus, as the TV is on the middle of the living room it's easier for us to monitor/join in with what they are watching.

Force his hand by removing the tablet. I think that 2.5 hours is a lot per day. DS is a bit older and gets 45 minutes. Consequently, he's not that interested in it.

We play an "evolution" game with lego. Both make a smallish wheeled vehicle, smash them together, winner stays on, loser builds another one. Current champ looks pretty much like a tortoise.

We have 4 boys, now aged 13, 11, 9 and 6. The 2 oldest have had laptops for the last 3 months for accessing school stuff. The 2 oldest have also had phones for about a year. The 2 youngest have Mp3 players. That's it, no other tech.

Over the years, they have spend a massive amount of time with Lego (and still do). Also playmobil, marble runs and gravitrax and wooden railways have featured heavily. Just creating their own stuff using those toys as a starting point. They also build dens outside with friends and play out on their bikes (we are lucky enough to live somewhere that they can safely have a lot of outdoor freedom, I do get that this would be really different other places).

I think the key is to leave them alone and not try to organise playtime for them. Unsupervised, unstructured outdoor play with other children where adults are not constantly supervising and making suggestions is what is missing from many childrens' lives these days.

The key is for you to be busy so they don't try and involve you or blame you. Don't try and facilitate anything because it'll be wrong. Just walk off and do some work or pretend to be sorting paperwork with a coffee. They just go away and find things.

Better yet. Ask them to sort out their washing. You won't see them for hours.

2.5 hrs is loads - our teenager with her own phone only gets 20mins a day on safari and 20mins on other apps; if she needs a screen/app for homework that's a separate request. The primary school age kid only gets screens on Friday afterschool and on Saturday but can watch TV after school. I think TV with proper programmes is better than mindless crap on Youtube.

They are out of the house longer - the younger child is frequently at after school club and they have a couple of clubs during the week and weekends so there's less time to occupy. When they aren't allowed screens, they play together outside (hockey/kickabout/ride bikes), draw, read, board games, play gravitrax and mess about in their rooms. Younger child still plays with his Pokemon minifigs/cards. Sometimes they want to cook.

I don't see it as my job to occupy them at home, but we do take them to clubs etc.

When I was that age we had a dress-up box, rocking horse and loads of other toys, including Lego and stuffed toys. DSis and I played imaginary games - bank robber, using the rocking horse to get away, was a favourite. We had loads of book and regular trips to the library so always had a reading book on the go. We had crayons/paints/pens plus colouring books and a regular supply of paper (my dad was a printer so brought home spare). I also played the piano and sang along, especially Christmas carols.

DDs played with Lego and stuffed toys. They had puzzles and board games (Party, party party!, Tummy ache!, Monopoly, Cluedo, Sleeping queens) They had a dress-up drawer and face paints. They also read books, wrote their own stories, coloured/drew - we had a box full of recyled paper (e.g. printed on one side/covering letter type things). By 8yrs old, they were able to go to the local park (no roads to cross, bougie village) and ride their bicycles around there. Or they'd go round to friends' houses - I think they watched a lot of telly there. Neither of them had a phone/tablet until end of primary - more like 10-11yrs - and those were for schoolwork, not playing games.

@ImFineItsAllFine has a good idea with using the regular telly for kids' programmes like on CBBeebies - educational and but not as engrossing as a tablet.

Kids need boredom to spur them to have ideas and learning to cope with that and be inspired to entertain themselves is an important skill.

Uno, card games, board games and acting way too crazy😅

We limit devices, except TV.

So they will: watch TV, play with toys, crafts (a lot of this recently... So much mess!), board games (they love monopoly, guess who + card games), reading, playing random games with sibling (plus play fighting urgh), creating comics/lists, helping with chores, getting up to mischief...

I have a technology dependent child but not in the way that you would expect, we couldn't manage without technology, his life is dependent on it.

Mine just have bedrooms full of "stuff", and they do whatever they want to do as long as I don't hear them moan.
Sometimes they just go and kick a ball in the garden.

If they ever say "I am bored", I have a list of chores that need doing - sends them away faster than i can blink 😂

They have tons of books, novels or "dangerous book for boys" type, wood bits and tools to make "stuff", jiggsaw, drawings, writing books, they have lots of "prompt books" if they want to write stories, lego (so much lego), construction set, Meccano, board games, cards, magic tricks..

From 8 they have a phone, so they occasionally have rush of fascination for making movies, writing scripts, filming with props and lighting, editing.

Just normal kids stuff.

DS, 9:

• Playmobil, supplemented with Kapla bricks. Alone, with an audio book on
• Brio pinball, alone
• Design own football team book, alone
• Gravitrax, with me or alone
• board/ card games with DH, me or Granny
• table football/ pool with us or school mates
• Football/cycling in village with school mates
• Football with DH
• sports clubs
• TV through media library

The last times friends came round they had a magnetic darts competition and tried to build a catapult.

He doesn’t own a tablet. He uses the chess app on mine when out and about.

Reading
Marble run
Build it
Lego
Magnatiles
Board and card games
Puzzles/logic toys
Craft materials

Playing outside! This one is pretty key and for my kids includes trampolines/climbing frame, roller skating, going to the park, ball games eg swingball, basketball, cricket, football, we have a kit to put a ping pong net on a table top.

Mine only get screens for:

• school required homework apps
• 30 mins tv after tea
• 1hr minecraft on sunday with cousin

-1hr nintendo switch on saturday

They are 8 (nrly 9) and 6.

LEGO
Feels like there is more lego than non-lego items in the house. But still we don't have enough bits to hold wheels on to a very small taxi

2.5h?! 😱 Cant let my son see this 😀
We have 1h per day of screen time on schooldays, weekends its a bit more because we watch movies together sometimes.
My son is 11 and he usually does homework, reads, practises instruments, goes to his sport 3x a week which already takes up the entire evening that day, sometimes he does lego or listens to music.
We also play a lot of card or board games as a family. And often when the weather permits he just goes outside with his friends

I don't think mine would find 2.5 hours in a normal school day to play with screens (even if they wanted to 😂)

Thank you for all your comments, they’re really helpful. I also have a baby, so Mum guilt creeps in because he sees me spending time with the baby, as well as working, so I feel the need to give him the same time and nurture his interests, but I don’t want to spend more time on the computer. He’s up at 6, so normally has an hour on the tablet before we even start on breakfast and school prep (it’s off by 7.15), then he has an hour after school on non-club days and another half hour whilst baby is being put to bed. Then it’s his time…. I do feel it’s a lot, it’s been an easy distraction that’s slipped during pregnancy, c-section recovery etc. so now I’m looking to cut it down. Thanks so much for the ideas, I’d lost my way a bit 😁

You say he goes to a music club - does he play an instrument? Practising is always a good way of spending time 'productively'. Outdoor play as others have said. I also think it's important to remember that many 8 year olds don't play that well on their own and it's normal for him to need some involvement from you.

2.5 hours a day is a lot, and that's probably part of the problem - if he's so used to relying on it for entertainment in the week, it's hard to switch off from that in the weekend.

I know it wouldn't be easy, but I think cutting down in the week will have a knock on effect on the weekend.

Honestly that amount of screen time will just kill any ability he has to play independently. As you have noticed, when he is not on the screen, he is thinking about it! You could try cutting down the time and having screen holidays (e.g. no ipad on a Saturday. Or no ipad during half term).

I'd start with tackling that morning hour first. In my house the only thing that happens if you wake so early is you read quietly in bed. Exposing him to blue light from a screen so early in the day is training his brain to wake at that hour. Its also terrible for his attention and concentration to have that huge dopamine hit before school.

You mention working - are you trying to work with him & a baby at home with no childcare? Thats a recipe for disaster