To make DD buy her own lunches?

Thailandherewecome · 2025-11-20T04:05:21+00:00

DD is in the first year of 6th form. Currently I pay for her train pass and give her £25 a week for lunch. DD complains frequently that this is not enough but can’t be bothered to make lunch to take with her to make the money go further. She has finally managed to get a part time job and if all goes well should take home >£500 a month which is obviously wonderful for her. Would I be unreasonable to continue buying the train pass but ask her to get her own lunch? my reasoning being is that she need to learn the value of money and making choices how you spend it (she is currently terrible with money and will spend it the second she has it). Obviously she is still very welcome to take lunch from home if she doesn’t want to waste her money. If it makes any difference £500 is a lot more disposable income than I currently have left each month. Or am I being really mean?

Tourmalines · 20/11/2025 04:12

No , you are not being mean . She’s earning money and if she doesn’t want to make her lunch everyday that you are supplying then she has the money to buy her own .

DeathStare · 20/11/2025 04:15

I'm a single mum on a low income and in college my DC also all had more disposable income than me - so I empathise.

I personally still paid for their lunches. In my mind until they finish FE I'm responsible for providing three meals a day.

Having said that, no way would I give £5 per day for lunch. I dont spend £5 per day for my own lunch. I always had food in for them to make a packed lunch (as I do for myself) - 1 DC did, the others never did. The other option was £3 a day which was the same as the cheapest college canteen meal. If they wanted anything more luxurious they had to top it up themselves

lowo · 20/11/2025 04:18

Yanbu that’s a good hands on life lesson about spending priorities and the ability to save if she wanted by putting the effort into making lunch

Kiwi09 · 20/11/2025 04:25

No, you’re not being mean at all. I think it’s very nice of you to give her the £25 as it is when she could just make a packed lunch. Maybe point out how many hours she’ll need to work to be able to afford the lunches she’s asking you to pay for, just to get her thinking about the value of money.

Snorlaxo · 20/11/2025 04:25

I would still offer the fiver a day for lunch but she can top up from her wages if she wants more. A fiver is more than a meal deal or most college canteen lunches so more than generous. (That’s if she even goes 5 times a week)

Agree that train fare is for you to pay.

raspberryberet2020 · 20/11/2025 04:28

Snorlaxo · 20/11/2025 04:25

I would still offer the fiver a day for lunch but she can top up from her wages if she wants more. A fiver is more than a meal deal or most college canteen lunches so more than generous. (That’s if she even goes 5 times a week)

Agree that train fare is for you to pay.

I agree with this.

Eenameenadeeka · 20/11/2025 04:44

Nope, she can pack her lunch, or pay herself.

Lifeneedsaresetagain · 20/11/2025 04:56

@Thailandherewecome your daughter has a point. I was getting £5 a day for lunch in 6th form in 2001. She’s still in school ofcourse you should be covering it.

ADogAndHisTed · 20/11/2025 05:09

It’s not completely unreasonable as she can take lunch from home so doesn’t have to spend her own money, but personally I see it as our responsibility to give our kids money for lunch at college. Most kids seem to buy something rather than take lunch from home.

In your position I would keep giving her the £25 for lunch and she can add to it from her own money if she wants to.

Depending on what she is doing at college, I’d keep an eye on how many hours she is doing at work, and that in her desire for cash, she isn’t doing too many and letting her study and grades slip.

Zanatdy · 20/11/2025 05:12

I paid / pay for lunches whilst in education. Sixth form she has a parent pay account but when at uni will be contributing towards food. A fiver a day doesn’t go that far these days I guess, but think she should pay if more that. But personally, I wouldn’t say she should be paying for all of it herself but your call.

liveforsummer · 20/11/2025 05:12

My dc are 12 and 15 and I will only pay for one lunch a week. The rest they have to take from home or they will sometimes buy from their pocket money. Definitely not unreasonable when she has a job. There’s no way I could afford 25 pw on lunches

Original poster

Thailandherewecome · 20/11/2025 05:30

Thanks for your thoughts… pretty mixed responses as I thought might be the case.

Lifeneedsaresetagain Of course it is my responsibility to feed her, but in my mind that doesn’t mean necessarily eating out every day. I certainly don’t spend £100 a month on my own lunches. My total food shop budget for the three of us is only £400 and I can’t afford £10 a day/another £200 a month just for DD’s lunches.

Besides which, the canteen at school is subsidised and £5 is more than enough for a meal deal deal.. what it is not enough for, is breakfast, lunch and frequent drinks through the day which is what DD would like!

OP posts:

Maryberrysbouffant · 20/11/2025 05:30

Lifeneedsaresetagain · 20/11/2025 04:56

@Thailandherewecome your daughter has a point. I was getting £5 a day for lunch in 6th form in 2001. She’s still in school ofcourse you should be covering it.

Seriously? Were you nipping out for a three course lunch?

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 20/11/2025 05:37

OP should be providing lunch of course but presuming there is food available to make sandwiches and snacks at home to take with her, she is! I don't buy my lunch when I go to work, I take leftovers, so I'm sure as hell not teaching my college age DS that you buy convenience food every day rather than take food from home. She's earning money and can buy her own convenience food if she prefers but as you say, she needs to learn the value of money and might think twice if it's her own hard earned that disappears like water.

MinnieMountain · 20/11/2025 05:42

£25 a week for school lunches is plenty. Our 12yo get £20. He budgets to get something a bit nicer on Fridays.

Original poster

Thailandherewecome · 20/11/2025 05:43

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 20/11/2025 05:37

OP should be providing lunch of course but presuming there is food available to make sandwiches and snacks at home to take with her, she is! I don't buy my lunch when I go to work, I take leftovers, so I'm sure as hell not teaching my college age DS that you buy convenience food every day rather than take food from home. She's earning money and can buy her own convenience food if she prefers but as you say, she needs to learn the value of money and might think twice if it's her own hard earned that disappears like water.

This is exactly my thinking. DD is very entitled and is very much ‘it’s only £X’ when it is my money. I’m hoping that if it is her own money she has earned she will value it more. And of course she always has the option to take lunch from home if she doesn’t want to waste her money

Maybe I could compromise and say I will pay for lunches 2/3 days a week and the others she takes lunch from home or use her own money

OP posts:

GehenSieweiter · 20/11/2025 05:46

Continue to offer the 25, but if she wants to spend more then it comes from her own earned money.

Christmascats4 · 20/11/2025 05:52

I have 4 DC
At secondary school...I never gave them money for lunch ,I made them packed lunches ..but mainly because we are vegan ,and there was no choices at school for vegans .. eventually they took over making their own lunches ..
I definitely could not of afforded £100 a week on lunches ..that's laughable

itsgettingweird · 20/11/2025 05:56

From when my ds got a paid job I always said he could continue taking packed lunch from home but if he wants to buy it then he used his win money.

he on PL 4 days a week and 1 day he would do to MDs with his friends.

it’s funny how when you aren’t paying they suddenly don’t “need” stuff 🤣

InterestedDad37 · 20/11/2025 05:57

As soon as I had a weekend job (lower 6th = Yr 12) I had to pay for my own lunches. Seemed fair enough to me 👍

zoemum2006 · 20/11/2025 05:59

I packed my DDs lunches for school. If they wanted extras they paid for it from their monthly allowance.

my oldest DD is now at uni and doing a really good job budgeting her food bill: mixing some canteen food (for socialising) with plenty of supermarket shopping/ cooking.

I'm glad she learned about budgeting when she was at school.

FrankSinatraonToast · 20/11/2025 06:07

She should be paying for her own lunches. She has the option to eat 'for free' if she takes something from home so you're still providing for her. It's up to your daughter if she wants to buy lunch out. It's a great life lesson for her.

thatsmyhouse · 20/11/2025 06:23

Definitely not mean. My ds's both received £100 per month from me. Ds1 had a part-time job (made about 1/5 of what your dd does - it was lunchtime supervisor in the sixth form he attended) and ds2 has yet to find one (because he isn't looking). I provide food for packed lunches and will get whatever they ask for when shopping (within reason). If they can't be bothered to pack/make it and spend money in Greggs, which is opposite the sixth form, that's on them. They are both fine with that. I take lunches to work and it is a chore but I can't afford shop lunches every day, or if I did get them it would eat into my disposable income for no real benefit, and they need to learn the same lesson. No complaints here and they would fall on deaf ears anyway.

Happygolucky917 · 20/11/2025 06:24

Absolutely- it’s a good lesson for her! She could also contribute some board eventually too.

Shardlake63 · 20/11/2025 06:26

Besides which, the canteen at school is subsidised and £5 is more than enough for a meal deal deal.. what it is not enough for, is breakfast, lunch and frequent drinks through the day which is what DD would like!

No, YANBU. She can eat breakfast at home before going to school. I'm pretty sure you will have cereal, milk, yoghurt, eggs or beans on toast etc in the house as standard?
Also, can't she make her own packed lunch at her age? Why should you have to do it? If she can't be arsed that's on her, it only takes a few minutes the night before.
Drinks, again she can take from home (at supermarket multipack prices rather than paying inflated prices for single cans/bottles elsewhere).
It's up to you if you keep giving her the £25 a week for her lunches, but if she wants more than that will buy, she should either take packed food/drink from home or use her own money.
You should definitely still be paying for her train pass though.