To make DD buy her own lunches?

[Thailandherewecome]

DD is in the first year of 6th form. Currently I pay for her train pass and give her £25 a week for lunch. DD complains frequently that this is not enough but can’t be bothered to make lunch to take with her to make the money go further.

She has finally managed to get a part time job and if all goes well should take home >£500 a month which is obviously wonderful for her.

Would I be unreasonable to continue buying the train pass but ask her to get her own lunch? my reasoning being is that she need to learn the value of money and making choices how you spend it (she is currently terrible with money and will spend it the second she has it). Obviously she is still very welcome to take lunch from home if she doesn’t want to waste her money.

If it makes any difference £500 is a lot more disposable income than I currently have left each month.

Or am I being really mean?

5 a day is plenty for lunch it’s what I give my 6th form DD16. She eats in the subsidy canteen.

Mine all took their own. No way would I give them £5 a day when they could take stuff from home. Maybe on a Friday as a treat. It’s wasteful and probably spent on shit food - time for her to be more responsible with cash-or to spend her own.

I would carry on paying what you are for now, no more. If she wants to spend her own money on food, that will teach her the value of money.

Yes this is what I do, once a week - they can choose which day and they buy stuff like slush puppies and donuts. You can see it on their parent pay account 😅. I certainly wouldn’t be lacking a lunch for a 6th former. Dd2 has been making her own lunch since primary 4 when she decided she wanted packed lunches rather than the free lunches provided by the school. 6th formers old enough to work can chuck a sandwich or a salad together 😆

It is a life lesson she needs to learn. I think once she is actually earning her own money she might start to realise the value of it. I think it is good for there to be a limit to budget in and honestly £5 a day with subsidised meals through school is plenty. Ds used to take packed lunches some days depending on his timetable and always took his water bottle as he could top that up for free at school.

I think continue paying for the train and giving her £25. This is more than reasonable.
Is it a college as part of a school or is it a college that is separate, so all new and exciting?
I know some students who go to college get excited about the different freedom compared to school and often the college is near to town and shops, so any frees they have they initially go into town meaning it soon adds up. She needs to learn though that she has a set budget, and if she wants to spend more on one day that is fine, but then needs to spend less the other days.

I’d also keep giving her the £25 and then if she wants drinks and snacks she buys them.

I wouldn't be giving her £25 per week for lunches! She can make sandwiches to take the night before, with a bottle of water. That's what I do!

I’d still give the £25 as I would want to encourage them to work and earn their own money. I’d decide what is a reasonable budget for clothes / shoes / outings and anything extra is for them to buy.

Assuming you have ingredients for her to make a packed lunch at home, then that's perfectly reasonable. Eating out is not a basic expense, so she can cover that.

I have never given my kids lunch money, they have always had plenty to choose from to make nice lunches. You only have to read the uni FB pages to see how poor at budgeting some kids are so you definitely need to teach her just now. They get an allowance to spend on clothes/ fun with friends so can choose to go out for lunch or go to cinema occasionally so are not deprived at all. They are welcome to choose to buy school lunches but I don't think they have ever except in an emergency.

Honestly I think it would be a bit unfair. If you'd always not given any money or less, that would be fine, but she's going to feel like she's being penalised for making the effort to get a job, whereas it should be a reward!

Do you give her anything else other than the £25? Mobile phone contract, clothes etc? If not then I really don't think you should stop it. Like a pp said I had £25 a week pocket money twenty years ago - I know that's not really relevant as all families can afford different amounts but I remember because that was still less than the EMA (£30) the students who were considered to be disadvantaged got from the government so was clearly seen as a relevant benchmark, and obviously many things were a lot cheaper back then!

I continued giving my DD her full allowance after she got a job because I didn’t think there should be any negative consequence for getting the job and working which I think is a really good thing. I also wanted to acknowledge that she needs to balance study with the job and she can’t work as much as she would do if she wasn’t studying. I didn’t want her to take too many extra shifts at the expense of her homework. It did feel a bit shit at times that she had more disposable income than me but on the whole I feel happy that she is enjoying her young life, going out with friends etc

Until the child benefit stops once school is finished then I will continue to pay lunches etc but if she can't do it on £5 a day she needs to make something at home or get a cheaper meal deal as our teens only take £5 a day

We did a bit of a financial inventory recently and as a family we were spending a small fortune on meal deals or similar! We came up with a list of packed lunch things that are more inspiring than a sandwich and a packet of crisps which I have added to the supermarket shop. I will do the lunch (younger DC) some/most days. It has definitely saved money! If they want something else then they use their own money. YANBU.

I think until she’s 18 you should pay for lunches.

it’s tricky as I see your point - you do provide food at home and she can do a packed lunch. But if everyone else eats at college it can be isolating to have packed lunch.

I think stick with the £25 or even reduce to £20 and she can top up to get any extras she wants. She’ll be 18 soon enough x

That’s true. We did a stage as a family of doing interesting ramens in thermoses. Hot lunch and healthier than canteen food.

So maybe OP there’s a third way

As long as you are buying things in your weekly shop for packed lunches, YANBU.

Mine could grab a juice, breakfast bar, piece of fruit and a snack from.our kitchen even if they were running late to make a sandwich until they got in the habit of making their lunches the night before.

It's learning to budget and appreciating the value of money. It will definitely help for university life.

Definitely not mean. When I was at 6th form I took a packed lunch from home, but if I wanted to buy my lunch out I had to pay for it myself with money from my Saturday job.

I think it would be mean not to pay for her lunches. We gave our two enough to get a meal deal lunch, if they made their own lunch they got to keep the cash, if they wanted something nicer then they topped up out of their own money. I think this was a good enough lesson about budgeting (they both manage their money well now, though it was a bit of a learning curve for the youngest and most profligate!)

I feel there's also a danger she will feel punished for earning her own money if you withdraw your support.

My kids pack their own lunches and have since they were 7. They get pocket money so can spend that if they want a treat but so far my daughter would rather buy makeup with it. My husband and I bring packed lunches to work so no reason they can’t do the same.

id decide a budget that works for you and she can do what she likes with her own money. Personally it would be less than what you’re doing now but appreciate it can be hard to go backwards.

We give our DS a fiver a day for college lunches - it’s masses. You can get a meal deal at any high street shop (Boots, Tesco's etc) for much less and the college refectory/cafe is massively subsidised and very cheap, so she should even be able to get a hot meal if she fancied it. Even when giving DS that much we now it is more than we’d likely spend on a meal ourselves. YANBU to expect her to sort herself out.

Completely with you on this. Eating lunch out like that every day is different. I have the same age group daughter and she has a similar earnings level (bit less). I pay her bus pass and then get lunch food in that she can prep and take to school, but if she’s going to ‘upgrade’ because she wants to go to the shop or similar or if she’s been too late/forgotten/couldn’t be bothered to make her lunch then she buys her own. Occasionally if I’ve not got round to sorting the food shop and not a lot in, then I would give her some cash for lunch because that’s different but not if it’s her choice.

If I can’t afford lunch I make packed and I learnt that from an early age. You’re doing a lot to help her out here and you’re meeting her more than half way.

Wow, im genuinely surprised that people are suggesting she get any money at all when you've indicated she can just make lunch at home (using stuff i assume you would say for) and take it in!
I do take people's point about her feeling penalised for getting a job though, but I also think you are being a bloody good parent by identifying she needs help learning how to budget, so in your shoes id maybe sit her down and say look i cant keep affording this, im going to cut it down to £5 a week so you can buy lunch on Fridays and provide packed lunches stuff.