What's a reasonable amount to budget for eating out/take aways /coffees each month?

[Slothisavirtue]

If you are trying to get control of your finances? This is for someone with around £3000/month income (a mix of benefits and part time work). Their rent is only £750/month though and other fixed outgoings are fairly low (they rent from another family member which helps).

They've got teenage twins and two primary age children.

It's a family member and I am trying to get them to take control of their finances as they spend all their money every month and have nothing left for unexpected expenses). Am struggling to figure out what to suggest for eating out because at the moment they are sending nearly £400/month on it , whereas I probably don't spend a tenth of that. I want to be fair though as I am probably the opposite extreme, and I don't really eat out because I have allergies and it just never feels like the hassle

Any good websites /guides we could use ?

We dont do Coffees out the house unless on holiday but takeaway wise probably £85 a month meal out less often maybe £45 once every 2-3 months

But would you exchange with the OP’s friend? Live in a council house etc?

Getting paid £3000 per month AND paying very low rent, yes that sounds very tempting.

She's not in a council house - she's in a house that's owned by a family member.

I am not a benefits basher at all but ffs that's a lot of money to get when you're only working part-time. Where's the incentive to work full time? And what will she do when the children reach 18 and her benefits drop?

These days most people spend mostly on card and most banks will provide a breakdown analysis on what you spend your money on. Either in an app or online banking. So she/you can look at this information and see where it is being spent.

The only way for them to have money left at the end of the month to save or otherwise provide some resilience in their budgeting is to stop spending it all on crap food.

Standard advice is to 'pay yourself first' ie put some money aside before you look at money and see it as available for spending. Seeing as their housing costs are relatively low, they might be able to achieve the 50/30/20 percentages where this goes on essentials, fun and savings respectively. So she sets up a standing order for £600 at the beginning of a month and this goes into a savings account. It is not for fast food and coffee, but it's for Christmas, holidays, school uniforms, shoes or whatever else she says she 'can't afford' while spending on non essentials.

Then encourage to swap to cheaper alternatives. Like I posted before, supermarkets sell the same food ready to reheat, which takes no effort. It's probably quicker and easier to put something in the oven than it is to order it and wait for delivery, and certainly if you're going out to get it.The teens can cook and help wash up.

But while you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. She needs to change her spending and get her DC on board with managing their money better.

We budget £100 a month for that between 2 of us. So £50pp. Except for birthday meals out then we get a bit more.

It’s not loads but we’re on £4,700 a month and pay £1k uni tuition out of that monthly.

Personally I don’t think they can afford to go out more than once a month with four children as that alone could cost them £150 per meal if they all got a main and drink somewhere cheap (£21 main + £4 drink).

Do They know they can take a big flask of coffee and pack their own sandwiches when they go out? Just asking bc I don’t see how they can be overwhelmed to the point they eat and drink out. You either prepare by taking food or you don’t.

This will be an unusually expensive month and may reach £100

best way is to put into savings as soon as the money arrives

I'm the same. I'd rather spend my money on one really lavish holiday a year, and a couple of mini-breaks, which I'll remember forever, as opposed to 200+ very average coffees I've immediately forgotten.

My sister eats out at least twice a week, and when she does "cook" at home, it's virtually all pricy ready meal type fare. But she and her partner prefer that over holidays. My sister hasn't been abroad on what I would think of as a "proper" holiday since pre-covid at least, where as I've been on 6 "big" holidays that I can think of in that same time frame. The furthest my sister has been in that time is Dorset. But it's just different priorities.

Nothing. Or at a push one takeaway for the family once a month. It seems daft to be even thinking about spending money on coffees etc if they are in a mess financially.

Have you looked at where & when they are spending the money? Is she taking the little DC to McDs after a swim lesson (which is what lots of people seemed to do when my DC were that age as it was used as a reward if they got showered & changed quickly)? Is one of the teens meeting his mates in a chicken place at the weekend as that’s the thing to do? Is she going for coffee after school drop
off with a couple of other mums and that’s her chance to discuss issues she’s having with the kids or what’s going on at school or something? If you look through those, you might be able to
identify some situations where cancelling the treat will have less of an impact or can be more easily replaced with an at home option.
My mind is blown, though, by the idea of spending 13% of the household income
on takeaways & treats.

A website won’t help. What they need is a budget and discipline. I spend an average of about £450-500 a month on coffees / takeaways and I guess more if you include restaurants with friends. My aim is to slash that in half.

One thing that has helped me in the past is meal prepping and having things at home that you can prep easily. In fact googling for tips on how to reduce food expenditure should help.

Do they want to spend less though?

There is really no reason to eat out or buy coffee, etc out if you are broke. So I would go with nothing, but OK the odd coffee on the way somewhere maybe so a few quid.

if they're spending £400 at the moment I think £200. There are also some easy and not very painful wins here I think. We love eating out but maximise what we spend where we can for maximum benefit. So if we eat out as a family of 4 we drink only tap water, and we dont have a dessert and buy a posh tub of ice cream or a McFlurry on the way home. Sounds bonkers and tight but probably makes it £30 less overall. Costa/Starbucks I think are so expensive and we never get them however I find Greggs and McDonalds coffees very nice and a fraction of the price, so that's an easy swap too. Or outlay an initial spend on a pod machine at home and some insulated coffee mugs. If they eat out at pizza places or have Dominos a lot they could swap with the Chicago Town takeaway pizzas which are £5 each in Iceland.again this is a decent swap, saves a fair bit of money and it isn't a load of cooking. For me the draw of eating out is the freedom of not having to cook as I hate it, so I think these would all be acceptable to me and my family. So I think going from £400 to £200 using 'swaps' like these wouldn't be too miserable for them. It can be overwhelming to start when you get stuck in a rut and it all feels too much can't it?

I think the benefits should be cut by £300pcm. Benefits are a safety net, not bunce to spend on unnecessary frippery.

Cut the benefits and if she still wants the takeaways and beige meals out, she can work more hours and spend from her own pocket not mine. I bet it will be harder to part with. I bet she might buy a flask.

It's not a council house she rents it from a relative. It's quite nice! But yes I don't envy her her life, that's why I am trying to help her.

Low rent, part time work, lots of disposable income, eating out whenever they like....I've no need to swap but it's not exactly a tough life, is it?

I wouldn't because I have my own house and am nearing the end of my career. If I was slogging away at a job 40-50 hours a week yet half my pay went on rent, I would never be able to own a house or have 4 children because I simply couldn't afford them and I looked at someone working 16 house a week, £3k burning a hole in their pocket who was eating out daily, I would be bloody tempted, yes.

No but we don’t receive UC. I’m amazed that people who do have enough disposable income for such things, tbh.

Are you sure this is correct, OP? As in the amount your family member says she is receiving in salary and benefits each month? I wonder if the reason she is struggling is because she has miscalculated the amount she has coming in? I question it because when I began calculating the impact of separating from DP and investigated whether I would be entitled to any benefits to supplement my income, the answer was a very resounding and unambiguous 'no'. I work full time and earn significantly less than the person you are supporting. I have half the number of dependants, but the difference in total income is far greater than additional benefits for two extra DC would bring in.
I think you need to forensically go through her accounts to find where she is miscalculating her income, because that would be the answer to why she is struggling to make ends meet.