WWYD?

[JungAtHeart]

Sorry this is a bit long and a bit of a moral dilemma 🤦🏼‍♀️

A friend asked me to help them move house. They don’t drive and wanted me to hire a van, drive to their home (100ish miles), help load the van and then drive to their new home (200 miles) and then back to the van hire (80 miles). I knew this would take up my entire day but agreed nonetheless - they priced a man with a van, removals etc and it was expensive! They paid for the rental and insurance. It was extra for unlimited mileage which I told my friend about but it was charged to my debit card on the collection day along with a £200 deposit.

Shortly after I arrived at the first property, the van broke down. Literally stopped working 🤦🏼‍♀️ so we had a van full of my friends entire life, the keys having been given back for their old home and no way of getting to the new place.

What followed was hours and hours of waiting, horrible stress, worry and negotiation. By me. Obviously the entire booking was in my name so only I could deal with it. The upshot was that the van and contents and friend were eventually relayed to the new home by a recovery truck and I was dropped to the train station to take the train home. The friend did not pay my train fare.

To date my friend has not checked how I am, acknowledged the stress/work/expense helping them may have caused me.

I am now in negotiations to have my deposit refunded and receive a refund for the booking. If I am successful, who should have the refund? The friend has already stated that they will be calling the company and asking for their money back. Due to data protection I doubt they will discuss it with them however.

YANBU - you did all the work, negotiating, calls. You earned it.
YABU - After your expenses are paid and your deposit is refunded the remainder belongs to your friend! They lucked out getting to move for free

I really feel for you! What a horrible experience and, probably, the end of a friendship as they have turned out to be a right cheeky fucker.

But, no, you aren't entitled to keep their money. They SHOULD offer it, or at least buy you a large present to say thanks. Clearly they aren't planning to - however, it's morally wrong to grab their refund.

I'm sorry, I want to say keep it. I wouldn't blame you if you do! You did ask what was morally right, though.

I wouldn’t have done that to start with. So if you’re out of pocket you get the refund of what you paid out. They get the refund of what they paid for minus your train fare.
Also they’re a CF. They owe you a huge thank you and probably a gift or don’t help them out again.

I’m not sure you’ll have much choice in the matter. Financial regulations mean that the refund should be made back to the same card the payment was made to. If they paid using their card then if a refund does get approved it will more likely than not just be automatically paid back to their card.

Ime the 200 will go back on the original card. Yours....

Did they give you the money even though it was on their card?

I don't understand who paid for what, but your friend shouldn't leave you out of pocket, especially since you gave up a whole day to help her.

I'm so sorry, @JungAtHeart
Sounds like a horrible experience, and the ending of a friendship, but i agree with every word of @GarlicHound

Whoever paid / gets the refund. And then your friend should take you to a nice dinner.

What a massive ask of your friend, all monies to you,

It sounds like you had an awful day but I don’t think you can keep her money, morally speaking

The refund is for the money that was paid, it wasn't your money. The refund is for your friend.

Now what SHOULD happen is your friend should refund the train fare - you should not be out of pocket

and they also should gratefully send you a thank you gift or do a gesture.

I think you were very kind to offer to help her and I’m sorry this has probably ended your friendship.

It’s her money so you can’t keep it but I would deduct your train fare from it and let her do the leg work in contacting you for it.

Get your train fare and deposit back and the rest of the refund should go back to them - they paid for it, and also had a stressful day!!

I’d hope she’d offer to take you out for lunch or send a gift though!

Your friend should refund you the train fare from her refund.

Then she should take you out for a dinner to say thank you/ sorry or buy you a nice gift.

Edit - I also wouldn’t have done it in the first place though!

If I understand correctly she paid and the insurance (you some extras on the day). The refund will go back to her card. Good luck even getting your train fair and OOP out of her.

Thanks for all the comments and advice. It was all paid for on my card. She forwarded the cost of the hire beforehand … but did quibble about the extra ‘unlimited mileage’ cost

That's different then. Take out what she owes you and don't do another thing for her ever again, unless she offers a serious gift of some kind.

Shes not a person that I would think of as a friend

Take the money owed to you including the train fare,out of the refund.

Never see or speak to your 'friend' again

Think carefully before agreeing again to help someone in such a "big" way

Do not be a penny out of pocket, take any of your costs out of the amount

take out all the costs, including your train fare, and what is left belongs to her

I know everyone is saying refund her minus your expenses. The poll says otherwise though!
Under these very unusual circumstances and her lack of thank you, you could keep the money. The rental firm wont be talking to her and its between the van firm and you.
Play it by ear and see how she treats you going forward? Sounds like a horrible day.

If I wanted to make a point I'd transfer back the amount your friend paid less anything you are out of pocket by (so the train fare / extra mileage) but I'd probably just send back what she paid and be done with it.

Either way the friendship is over but it's whether you want to make a point or take the high road?

I think you should do an invoice if you are able to secure a refund: calculate the cost of calls, your train fare/meals during the day and any other costs and deduct them from the refund. With luck you can achieve a refund of 25p or similarly banal and you send the refund together with the invoice.

The friendship is likely to be over, but I’d die on this hill, myself. Especially as it seems to be dead in the water now anyway.

And next time a CF asks for something like this, say No.

It is funny that the poll results are so different to the comments. I’ll definitely take out the cost of the train fare and if they’d behaved halfway decently it wouldn’t even be a question … I suppose I was questioning it because I carried all the stress, made all the calls, had all the inconvenience and am still dealing with it days after. They on the other hand got exactly what they wanted. All their belongings moved from A to B…albeit it took a bit longer than planned. I don’t think for a minute they will offer me a gift or a thank you …they haven’t in any way acknowledged how this might have affected me mentally, financially or otherwise …

You shouldn't be out of pocket. So you should get your deposit and any other costs you incurred, like the train. The rest should be returned to your friend because its hers.

Self help would be shitty