Betrayed by my SIL!

[betrayed12]

Wondering if people will see this from my side.
I am heavily pregnant but have had previous miscarriages and this one has been high risk too. Because of this, I didn’t tell anyone about my pregnancy and only told my DB (as I knew he would tell his wife) a few weeks ago. I don’t have a great relationship with my aunts etc and so stressed to DB to make sure to keep my pregnancy a secret from extended family. Anyway, I found out that my SIL told one of my aunts about my pregnancy and now everyone knows.
Firstly, I’m so angry at her as it wasn’t her news to share and secondly I TOLD DB specifically to make sure no one else is told. I honestly think she’s done it on purpose as we don’t really get on, we’ve had a massive argument not too long ago and she knew this would annoy me.
Called her out and she’s saying it slipped out and she’s sorry. AIBU to not believe her?

This sounds really immature.

It may be just a you/her problem and she is great to other people.

You literally set out to cause an issue telling your DB knowing he would tell her! Self sabotage at its best.

I have learnt that the only way to keep a secret is by not telling anyone.

Blimey there are a lot of dreadful SIL on here of late

Don't let it stress you out. You've got more important things to think about, it's done now so can't be changed, so you might as well not stew over it and let it go. You'll know for the future to keep her at a long distance.
Very best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy! Enjoy it and don't dwell on rubbish like this.

@OrangepateI’m just thanking the poster who sees it from my perspective. Clearly not everyone does.

Keeping a pregnancy secret until full term is weird. Apart from this, I have learned that a secret is something everyone knows but one by one. Just chill and enjoy your pregnancy.

You’re right. There is an absolute spate of ‘Evil, Traitorous SIL’ threads of late.

Whether it was her or not, if you are rather pregnant, everyone you walk past on the street knows. Plus you will have a baby at the end, which is even harder to hide, so congratulations. I think that previous losses and hormones are making you act a little irrationally here.

The point is that the section is called AIBU not IANBU.

Why on earth did you tell your DB at all, knowing he would tell his wife whom you clearly dislike and distrust? I sympathise with you wanting to keep it a secret to the last minute and I did so successfully until 8 months. But it seems you've given her enough rope and she's obligingly hung herself. The question isn't now: is she a bitch or is she a bitch, it's how you handle the situation gracefully and make the best of it.

Toxic family members are incredibly common. They sound like my SIL and 'brother'.

I thought it was only mine that were so troublesome and often deliberately damaging. It was huge for me when I realised that I was wrong there.

The only thing you can do is either accept it or never trust either again with important information.

I did the latter, that gave me the strength to later move away from them all, for a better life.

Tell them nothing. They've shown you exactly who they are now.

Your sister in law shouldn’t have said anything but honestly, a new baby is usually big, exciting news in families and to me at least, I can see why someone would want to let other family members in on the secret. There’s a big difference between sharing happy news which is going to come out very soon anyway, as opposed to your SIL perhaps sharing some gossip or something embarrassing you’ve shared in confidence.

As you’ve had so many losses, I think it’s best to put this one out of your head and then settle down to enjoy however long you have left before the baby is born. This should be a special time and though it’s disappointing, it’s not the end of the world and it’s best to not let it claim your joy and energy.

Concentrate on yourself and bringing your pregnancy successfully to term without stressing about other stuff. The most important thing is your baby. The rest is peripheral.
Good luck for the remainder of your pregnancy, I hope it all goes well.

I imagine all those dreadful MIL started out as dreadful daughters, sisters or SIL; so maybe this is them, in training.

Who knows? But it’s out there now. I’d suggest the last thing you need in your life when you’re about to have a baby is more drama.
Just make a mental note of her lack of trustworthiness and move on.

Of course she has, but telling your brother was a mistake knowing what she's like, although he now can't be trusted. Once you're baby's here maybe keep them out of the loop for a couple of years!

I suspect there’s one prolific namechanger.

All these posters are absolutely obsessed.

And TBH it’s not normal to keep a pregnancy secret to term, neither is it realistic to expect others to do the same.

I suspect that if they were told a few weeks ago they assumed that it was ok to say something by now. Because no-one would just assume that a pregnancy was going to be kept secret until the baby is born.

Also, anyone who thinks that people don’t already know even if they haven’t been told is incredibly naive.

If you’re showing enough that you’re hiding a pregnancy, then people already know. Trust me.

I'm sorry you're upset, but are you really intending to keep it a secret until a baby appears?

Easy to hide from brother and his wife, never ask them round, don't even inform them of the birth. When they question why tell them they can't be trusted.

Maybe they asked her because its obvious you're pregnant and she couldn't lie. Perhaps they were worried about you and seeing as you don't get along with them either they asked her what was going on.

I would heavily distance myself from her tbh. I wouldn't be rude, but would make it clear that we aren't friends.

"Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead."

All you can do is make a mental note not to trust her with private information.

Most people can’t hold a secret.

If you wanted a secret then you dont tell anyone

Does remind me of the weird situation in work where a colleague was obviously pregnant but we all had to pretend she wasnt until she told us at like 30 weeks. It was so odd

She probably has done it on purpose.

But I guess you told your brother knowing that he would tell her to "test" her?

Well she failed & the only one pissed off is you!

If it's such a big thing that you can't take chances-then best not to!