Betrayed by my SIL!

[betrayed12]

Wondering if people will see this from my side.
I am heavily pregnant but have had previous miscarriages and this one has been high risk too. Because of this, I didn’t tell anyone about my pregnancy and only told my DB (as I knew he would tell his wife) a few weeks ago. I don’t have a great relationship with my aunts etc and so stressed to DB to make sure to keep my pregnancy a secret from extended family. Anyway, I found out that my SIL told one of my aunts about my pregnancy and now everyone knows.
Firstly, I’m so angry at her as it wasn’t her news to share and secondly I TOLD DB specifically to make sure no one else is told. I honestly think she’s done it on purpose as we don’t really get on, we’ve had a massive argument not too long ago and she knew this would annoy me.
Called her out and she’s saying it slipped out and she’s sorry. AIBU to not believe her?

That doesn’t just slip out OP. She’s not a nice person and you are right to be annoyed. That is your news to tell.

Really your mistake was telling your brother.

Surely though if you are heavily pregnant as you say people will have noticed?

I’ve really covered it up- baggy coats etc I didn’t want this out until I had the baby. So I’m right to think she’s done it on purpose?

I’m sorry your news has come out like this but I do think YABU here. You told DB not to tell anyone else (although you knew he would tell his wife), do you know if he told her not to tell anyone else? Surely if you knew he would tell her anyway then you should have messaged her and asked her not to say anything.

You're not being unreasonable to not believe her. But how is it helping? She'll be your SIL no matter what. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but sounds like you've got enough stresses right now without worrying about someone's motives you can't prove either way. If it was me I'd try and assume good intent and move on.

You don't know that your brother told her not to say anything. If it was that big a deal you shouldn't have told him either, but if you're heavily pregnant people will know anyway op.

Are you focusing on this non event to save yourself stressing about everything else?

Have you posted about your SIL recently under another name?

No. I get that you’ve had losses, but it’s really pretty strange to expect to conceal a pregnancy to full term. You’re on bad terms with your SIL, and you say yourself you only told your brother recently because you knew he’d tell her, therefore, assuming you knew they were in contact with your aunts, you must have known it was perfectly possible word would get out.

Also, yku seem not to be considering that your brother might be at fault. You don’t know whether he passed on the warning to keep it from your extended family to your SIL. Maybe he never told her it was a secret.

I just know she’s done it on purpose and not being able to prove it is annoying me as everyone likes her and thinks she’s so great when I know shes not as nice as she makes out to be. Also I asked DB and he confirmed he told her not to say anything! How does that even slip out?

Or to.d her yourself. That way you know that she understood you were serious about keeping it a secret.

This is very precious of you. Who cares? If you want to keep anything a secret, tell nobody at all.

Also, you think you can keep it quiet until after you've had the baby? That's a really bizarre thing to do, why would you do that?

Well, isn’t it also perfectly possible that your brother, terrified at your obvious outrage, lied about having warned her to say nothing? He may have reasoned that you hate her anyway, and decided to go with that rather than get himself in trouble either way you.

You're incredibly ready to believe ill of her, so it would be an easy way to pass the can.

There's another poster who has been making frequent threads about her SIL if you have a look op.

That person is absolutely obsessed about absolutely normal behaviour to the point of it being very unhealthy, and I think the op is pretty unwell.

Don't let yourself get driven to that point.

Thank you x

You knew your DB would tell her and therefore you knew neither of them could be trusted with your news. I think you only have yourself to blame and are being unreasonable.

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through and I hope everything goes well with the rest of your pregnancy.

You told your DB knowing he would tell his wife, knowing you 2 had fallen out and knowing she’s not as nice as people think. It’s almost as if you were trying to set her up or cause drama yourself.

if you don’t want people to know there is only one way of doing that, don’t tell anyone at all. You might have wanted your DBs support but other than asking him not to tell his wife, which is wrong the news was going to get out.

If you want a stress free pregnancy then you avoid the people that cause you stress, including sil even if that means avoiding your db for a while.

I think your brother and SIL are both untrustworthy.
Surely he knows his wife is a gossip, so he shouldn't tell her. I can never understand why everything left hand knows, right hand has to know as well. My sisters and I trust each other to maintain each others' 'secrets'
How do you get to adulthood and not learn that you don't have to blab about everything?

So what, your family all know something now that they would have know about in a few weeks time, anyway?

Just relax and enjoy your pregnancy.

Perhaps they were worried about you and felt you needed the support of your family. It’s highly irregular behaviour to conceal a pregnancy until full term.

Yes, that’s also possible.

Or simply the aunt spoke to the brother and SIL and said ‘Look, is your sis ok? I get that I’m not supposed to know she’s pregnant, but wearing a baggy coat indoors in a warm room isn’t the cunning disguise she thinks it is, and it seemed like such an odd thing to do I wondered if she was ok.’

She’s a b*tch @betrayed12
Keep her at very long arms length.
I would be so hurt.

i’ve put YABU not because I agree with what she has done but (i) you didn’t speak to her directly to make is clear to her first hand that she shouldn’t leak the news and (ii) if she has form for being a pain anyway then you shouldn’t even have told your DB as it was bound to happen

Thank you. I think so too. Especially when she knows my situation.

Why use AIBU, if you are absolutely positive that you were right?

Also if everyone likes someone except you, sometimes you are the problem?