A question of etiquette

[KittyFanesParasol]

I work remotely, as do all of the staff in my company.

I work closely with a man, let's call him Greg, and we get on together very well and refer to each other as work "besties", yep, we are infantile.

I've have 3 primary aged sons who all come over and say hi to him on Teams meetings etc (only if it is the two of us obviously).

I'd really like to send Greg a Christmas card as I do personalised photo ones, but don't know his address (I do know roughly where his town is but don't think that is going to cut it with Royal Mail).

Is it inappropriate to ask for his address if I put it in context for him? I don't want him to feel under pressure.

He had no partner who might be made uncomfortable by this. We've met in person several times at events and get on well.

YABU: Don't do this, it's inappropriate
YANBU: Sure. Why not?

Send an e card. Asking for his address is invasive.

Definitely don't do this. If you really think it's fine then, do an email type one to the address you normally communicate through.

Jesus what’s wrong with people it’s a flipping Christmas card. Just say I want to send you something can I have your address and it’s ok if you don’t want to give it me. He is a grown man and can decide for himself if he wants to give it. I have never met my boss in real life. Adore him and we have great chats when he had a rubbish week I asked him for his address and sent him a cheer up gift from Amazon.

I don't see an issue asking a colleague for their address so you can send them a Christmas card given you won't see them in person to hand it to them. It is a lovely gesture.

It’s fine! Just ask!

It is possible to be friends with colleagues, and you can give each other cards, see and speak to each other outside of work, etc, despite what MNers say!

I wouldn't mind if my work bestie asked for my address to send a Christmas card, wtf is wrong with people?! Invasive lmao he's a grown man, he can just say no!

It's entirely up to you OP but I would see asking for his address and sending cards outwith the work setting as very much as you wanting to move your relationship into personal territory.
You say he is single. But you don't say whether you are.

Woah. Are people really so socially inept now that they think this would be weird?

But also I agree with @IvedoneitagainhaventI . The fact you're questioning this suggests you might hold a torch IMO.

I think it’s weird. Where are you from, OP? Just wondering if there is a cultural difference here

Team ask for his address and send a card. Worst that can happen is he can recoil in horror and refuse to give it but before finding MN I'd never heard of or met a person who was weird about giving out their address or sending/receiving a greetings card

We are both from the UK. I'm separated and Greg's gay. And I'm very fond of him but don't fancy him in the least!!

It's coming up to Christmas, it's a card! Sending a colleague a Christmas card does not suggest you want to shag him. Honestly, what is happening with the world?

Are the photos of your kids?

I think it's fine too. I asked my work bestie for her address in similar circumstances, she happily gave it to me and loved the card I sent her.

Would an e-card not be less awkward? No need to ask for his address.

Well in that case I don't see a problem!

Thanks for everyone's feedback.

Now slightly horrified at what other social gaffes I've made🤔

Ok, I'm going to compromise by showing him the card over Teams and explaining this is what I would have given him if i had seen him before Chrismas.

He can then say "aaah, sweet" or "can I give you my address".

Bloody hell, this situation had more intricacies than a Victorian drawing room!

Ìm not sure about your young children greeting him in work time either.
It just doesn't feel right to me. Maybe if it was your own company or a partnership where you frequently met up in real life...
But as employees I think it's best to keep a more professional demeanor.
And not to ask for a co worker's address. Use email.

I’d ask, in fact I have asked. Always in the ‘completely understand if you would rather not’

I have this card for you shall I take a photo and email you that or would you rather have the card ‘

With proper boundaries in place, there is nothing wrong with human connection.

in fact, It’s a good thing.

We have an open plan ground floor and they literally pass through on the way to the kitchen yelling "Hi Greg!" as they go.

My manager's young son explained his cereal preferences to me at length and my other manager often cuddles his toddler when we are in informal meetings.

I am comfortable with this context.

Oh yes, when Greg went in holiday with his family this summer he sent me lots of photos. When/if we leave we will stay friends I think.

How does your company deal with actual physical mail?

It's a bit much. Unless you want him to start wondering if you fancy him.
Send an e card version. He can print it if he likes.

Yeah ask, he might really appreciate that.

On the flip side, he might not want to give his address out so I'd probably quickly drop it in at the very end of a chat, like, "ok, bye Greg....Oh before you go, I'm sending out xmas cards and don't have your address, can you ping me a message later when you have a second. See ya!".

That way, he's not on the spot to give it to you because you're not waiting for him to give it to you. And if he doesn't want to, he'll just "forget" and you won't remind him.

Edit to add - that makes sense to me in my little brain.

Ok I change it now I have read this. Yeah ask him, there can be no crossed wires if he is gay 😂