Im not sure what to think?

[sellthebigissue]

Not sure what to think of this comment..

Bit of back story. Ive had a baby every year for the last 3 years. Im currently 22 weeks pregnant. When I fell pregnant with our first in 2022 I was a healthy 80kg, attended the gym regular, ate well, walked alot, you get the gist.

3 years down the line, pregnancy has taken its toll. Im around 93kgs, veen extremely poorly over the last few years during pregnancy. Admitted to hospital more times then I can count. Suffered sever Hyperemesis Gravidarum, im severely anaemic with a ferritin of 7. Awaiting an infusion. Just you know, alot. I have been feeling insecure about a number of things, body changes ect and my DH is especially attractive. Very authentic, loves the gym etc. So I feel im constantly comparing myself to other women.

He this evening has said to me.. and I quote...
"I wish you walk more. You've lost definition in your bum. I used to love your bum and now i just like it"
(I can barely breathe lying down never mind walking to get a better bum).
This is followed by a comment from this morning where he was winding me up with a pair of the babies socks. When I was trying ti get them. He kept dropping them on the floor. So I just huffed but I wasnt mardy or angry, just more like hurry up ive got an appointment and he said
"You'll know when I dont love you anymore, ill stop winding you up. Either I dont love you or something else is going on with someone else"

And im honestly hurt by these comments more so because hes NEVER ever said anything like this and i dont know how to take it or if im just being a hormonal mess.

Please can I have an outsider perspective, men and women. Not arsed if its harsh truth. Thanks.

Yes exactly. There isnt anything you can do about it now but this is utter madness.
Get yourself to an iron clinic and get an iron transfusion. Mine cost £800 if you can afford it, no wonder you have no energy with such low iron.
Once that's up to a decent level then get out and start walking.
I can't see how your baby can develop properly if you are completely depleted.
I think also your husband sounds like he's warning you. Living husbands don't behave like this. Things have to change.
I had my tubes tied after DS. I think that could be a sensible option for you.
You dont want to be dumped with 4 kids this young to look after.

Of course it makes sense. The thing is, emotional and psychological pain can be just as bad as physical pain. You are frightened of the hurt he would have caused you - it doesn’t matter that (you think) it wouldn’t be physical.

This is an hallmark of abuse, OP.

Im the bread winner at the moment too.

Sweet Jesus. This just gets worse.

Does your husband do the majority of domestic labour? Chores? Childcare? What’s the split?

I had 4 children in 5 years and I was utterly exhausted, but like you, I wanted my children close together. Baby no. 4 was an unplanned surprise though, However, my DH was lovely to me throughout, despite my changing body, and never criticised my appearance.

I think your DH has been thoughtless rather than cruel and well done for confronting him. Maybe he'll think before speaking next time.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and don't take to heart the unkind and unhelpful comments on here.

Thank you so much.
Yes im exhausted too but i just think it doesn't last forever.
Ive dropped it now but ill make sure i focus on myself when ive had this baby. Not for.him, but for me and the children x

It depends what mood hes in to be entirely honest.

Some days yes, others not at all.

Honestly, I have never ever thought of myself as a victim in this. Yes he can be mardy and we've had up and downs but ive always been made to feel as though it is possibly my fault, whatever the issue be at the time. So I apologise. But after writing this and reading the responses. Im not sure this is entirely the case.

Respectfully, if he left id just get on with it. Im a mother before anything else. Kids first. Always.

I have an infusion booked either the hospital but I think they are uncertain about it due to having severe allergic reactions to meds and apparently, an iron infusion carries a small risk of anaphylaxis. I think theyd rather do a blood transfusion.
Baby is fine though, and have regular scans due to HG. Its me thats unwell. I shan't be having any more. I am done.

I appreciate honesty and heeding his apparent warning however, I still felt hurt by a comment he made out of choice and not urgency. My arse being less toned doesnt implicate my health. Being unsupported and criticised whilst pregnant, has. Mentally. My focus is to feel physically better and make sure my children are safe and well before I resume any physical activity. 3 children in 4 years is heavy going. Im aware. Hes also aware of how unwell I have been.

Truthfully, if he isnt happy then he can simply fuck off.

I would be in awe.
Im in awe my body has been able to create beautiful babies. Yes ive gained some weight and im a bit wobblier but ill do something about that when i feel ready to do so.

Possibly so. Im not excusing his behaviour but hes had a tough few years and a terrible childhood. however I recognise this isnt my fault. Ultimately if he isnt happy, he can leave. And I have told him this. I will not be made to feel inferior in my own home, pregnant and doing the best I can for my family.

Thank you for your comment x

Oh OP, he's a nasty abusive lazy selfish loser.
He doesn't even financially support his family.
Christ what a waster.

You are 100% being emotionally abused and walking on eggshells.
Please tell your health visitor.
He thinks you are vulnerable and he can bully you.

Funny how so many abusive men have shit backgrounds, its no excuse.

You deserve so much better than him.

The sock thing makes it sound like he was punishing you into exercising because he's not happy with your shape. He's looking down on you because of your appearance and that is a horrible trait. You are pregnant with his third baby, he should be praising the ground you walk on!! I bet you look beautiful but because he's so shallow and vain he can't see it. It would probably take a major health scare for him to realise just how lucky he is.

I have a friend who is obsessed with the gym as is her other half. At their wedding they kept commenting how they deserved their food because they work so hard in the gym. I thought it was really sad to be thinking that on their wedding day. My friend definitely looked down on me on the day, I showered her with compliments , didn't get even one back. After babies my body isn't the same and she made me know this. She sort of looked at me in disgust tbh. I have now somewhat cut her out of my life. She is a shallow c**t as is your partner. I just hope he realises how amazing you are before it's too late ( you leave) it's sad that you are already thinking about jabs just to impress him.