Im not sure what to think?

[sellthebigissue]

Not sure what to think of this comment..

Bit of back story. Ive had a baby every year for the last 3 years. Im currently 22 weeks pregnant. When I fell pregnant with our first in 2022 I was a healthy 80kg, attended the gym regular, ate well, walked alot, you get the gist.

3 years down the line, pregnancy has taken its toll. Im around 93kgs, veen extremely poorly over the last few years during pregnancy. Admitted to hospital more times then I can count. Suffered sever Hyperemesis Gravidarum, im severely anaemic with a ferritin of 7. Awaiting an infusion. Just you know, alot. I have been feeling insecure about a number of things, body changes ect and my DH is especially attractive. Very authentic, loves the gym etc. So I feel im constantly comparing myself to other women.

He this evening has said to me.. and I quote...
"I wish you walk more. You've lost definition in your bum. I used to love your bum and now i just like it"
(I can barely breathe lying down never mind walking to get a better bum).
This is followed by a comment from this morning where he was winding me up with a pair of the babies socks. When I was trying ti get them. He kept dropping them on the floor. So I just huffed but I wasnt mardy or angry, just more like hurry up ive got an appointment and he said
"You'll know when I dont love you anymore, ill stop winding you up. Either I dont love you or something else is going on with someone else"

And im honestly hurt by these comments more so because hes NEVER ever said anything like this and i dont know how to take it or if im just being a hormonal mess.

Please can I have an outsider perspective, men and women. Not arsed if its harsh truth. Thanks.

along with the nasty comment about your body … he was “winding you up with some socks” - what does this mean? Was he holding them up making you jump for them, or throwing them on the floor? When you’re pregnant and when you’ve been ill?

he sounds like a real creep. And yes, it does sound like someone’s turned his head.

listen to your gut, OP. If you have to tiptoe and don’t dare have a discussion with him about how you feel, these aren’t good signs.

I am questioning this.
Im definitely at my heaviest, but i never thought i carried it terrible as im quite tall. But non the less, my body has changed and hes now mentioned it. Im going to speak to him tomorrow but im terrible and reciprocal conversation face to face. X
I have been looking at mounjaro this evening but its not recommended.during pregnancy

No, someone you love, and who loves you, should do so unconditionally x

I asked if hed mind to pass me the babies socks so I could put her shoes on and as I was going to take them out of his hand he was deliberately dropping them on the floor, hed pick them up and then do the same thing again. He did it about 5 times before giving me the socks and I huffed and walked off.

Ive only just noticed from typing this out and the replies that it doesn't look or seem great at all and I should not be concerned to confront my husband if hes upset me however ive found myself worried about his response. Not sure if this is because I dont like having conversation about things like this in general or if its because im worried he womt give a shit and his.response will be nonchalant

No, it's not ok. If he was genuinely concerned about your health, he should be finding ways to help you exercise/eat well, with advice from someone who knows about your pregnancy/health issues. Not talking about how he liked how you used to look.

But you haven't let yourself go OP. You've had three pregnancies in a short space of time and you have been unwell.
A woman's body changing through pregnancy is the most natural thing in the world.

Atm your priority, quite rightly, is nurturing your children

Your body will recover from the pregnancies. You will regain fitness. You will lose weight. But that takes time .

And for a man to actually criticise a woman's body that has changed because she has given birth to his children is the lowest of the low imo. He is a misogynist and should be down right ashamed of himself. He should be showing you love and support and not criticising you.

Tell him op. If he says I’m jsut telling you the truth, you say so am I, the truth is it was hurtful and unkind, and if you want truth, dropping babies socks repeatedly on the floor knowing how hard it is for your pregnant unwell wife to pick them up is nasty asshoke behaviour, nasty assholes don’t love people, they enjoy making them miserable, and that’s what you were doing. I hope you’re proud of picking on your pregnant unwell wife. I hope your children never see you behave like this, it’s hardly being a good dad either. I hope you’ve enjoyed some truths.

and walk off.

He sounds like a complete arse, and I fail to understand why you'd even be with someone so thoughtless, let alone have babies together? ‼️

Thanks for the response.
You are creating an opinion based on a small bit of information ive shared, whoch is fine, yoire allowed an opiniin but its not well informed. As ive previously stated, this only happened yesterday and its the first time hes ever said anything like it however, I have noted subtle changes over the last few weeks toward myself.
I did confront him.

The fact alone that he thinks it's funny to deliberately drop the socks so you will have to bend down while pregnant (5 times !) just tells me that he's an immature asshole. Are you afraid of him? If he was discharged from the military due to mh problems is he now in therapy or doing something to deal with his issues or is he just lying around treating you like shit? Why didn't he put the socks on the baby in the first place? Or is actual childcare beneath him? @sellthebigissue If you are afraid of him I wouldn't confront him but rather getting my ducks in a row and plan my exit with the help of a woman's aid association.

Thank you for your reply.

I did confront him as after reading all of these replies, I dont think id have settled.

He knew something was wrong and he asked. I just said you hurt my feelings mentioning my previous body and how you wish id go walking more often to regain a better bum! I also mentioned the sock situation and ultimately how im just feeling insecure as a whole. I also said it wasnt a nice thing to say, truth or not and that I need support not critism.

He initially said "I didnt say it like that", bit he did. Then he proceeded with "im sorry if it hurt you, it wasnt my intention, I just meant i wish we could go walking more again" then "I love you and no one else". Then "I love your body as it is". So whilst it wasnt the response I initially thought i was going to get, i still feel a bit sore about it. He went and got me a drink and I fell asleep.

Thank you all for the replies. I appreciate it and it has helped me get the courage to speak up about it.

Hi

He was discharged for an injury but yes, he does have complex MH needs. He is in therapy and it is well managed. Alot better then it used to be.

No, im not afraid of him. I was afraid of the response I would have gotten to a comment that hurt my feelings. I do understand how it may come across though.

I'm really pleased you challenged him OP.
Well done you.

Don't ever let him, or any man, bring you down by comments about your body. Be proud of yourself and what your body has achieved bringing your wonderful children into the world.

Do you have family to support you?
Please read about abuse during pregnancy.
He sounds nasty and abusive to me.
The sock incident is plaim nasty.
Tell your Health Visitor/ GP about his behaviour.

You are so vulnerable.
He does not read as a good man.
Reach out for support.
Don't accept this.

Thank you.
I will have a look.
Is it classed as abuse? I am unaware if its that extreme

Thank you so much.

I have found myself feeling a bit insecure going out with him this morning. Wondering if hes looking at others and wishing my bum was like that! I will remember what my body has done and ill return to my previous self, but a better version, when the time is right.

No, im not afraid of him. I was afraid of the response I would have gotten to a comment that hurt my feelings.

What’s the difference, OP? What do you feel is the difference between those things?

After this baby I’d suggest stopping. Not because I don’t think anyone should have more than 3 (I have 5) but because of the clear toll it has on your body. His comments were twatty, you need to explain how much it upset you. Since he’s never said anything of the sort before, provided he never does again after you talk to him I’d drop it.

You’re both under lots of strain, 3 under 4 isn’t easy going.

He was deliberately dropping socks on the floor so you would have to bend over to pick them up when you are 22 weeks pregnant?
He does not sound partner or father material to me.

Thanks all for the replies.
They've been taken on board. I am categorically not having any more children, Regardless.
I will be more aware of behaviour moving forward. I never been in an abusive relationship and wouldn't even know what is classed as just that. (Aside from physical, which has never happened here).

I dont know if its just me taking things to heart.

The kids honestly adore him and him them but yes he did do that. This all seems to have happened over thr last couple of weeks. Its like im an irritant to him. I honestly dont know how else to describe it. Im the bread winner at the moment too. Im really trying my best to support all of us and I feel a bit under appreciated. Again, I dont know if im just being sensitive. He apologised for his comment yesterday regarding my bum but I cant seem to shift this feeling. I dont even know what the feeling is. Probably a bit gutted to be honest.

I will not be having any more children. My body (and appearance apparently) cant handle it.

I havent mentioned it again but he knows im still a bit upset. I cant seem to shift the feeling and I dont even know what the feeling actually is.

Now you mention it, I dont actually know because there's not a fat lot of difference.
I suppose im not worried hed physically hurt me etc? But id be upset if he hadn't have responded compassionately..does that make sense?

He is a twat. Maybe he should stop getting you pregnant if he doesn’t like what it’s doing to your body and health.

How would you feel about him if he’d birthed you 3 babies? - I really don’t think you would be commenting on his appearance - wouldn’t even come into your head, I think you would be in awe of him giving you beautiful children. You would be saying lovely things to him.

if he’s been medically discharged maybe he is projecting on to you how he feels about himself